Jealous as hell,,what to do?

[cmacattack1]

I hope you don't feel ganged up on here, but you have to take a look at the situation that is established. She met her husband long before you and her attachment is deeply rooted, whether she is unhappy or not. While she continues to have fun and live the lovey dovey things with you that she is probably lacking in her life from her real husband, she still goes home to him every day. She still sleeps with him, although you get an earful of how it's because "she feels bad." Of course she feels bad, and she should: she is cheating on him. Somebody that breaks the vows of marriage for something that is fun and exciting now, but she doesn't know where it will go with you and that is why she hasn't left her husband yet. While you feel you are in love with her, I think it's safe to say that she isn't in love with you. Her feelings for her are not nearly as strong as yours, she has a married life holding her back while you do not.

Giving a year, setting a time table, she is doing this just to keep you there and keep you strung along. She doesn't want to be alone and if she were to make the transition from him to you, she wants to make it as smoothly as possible. Currently, she doesn't know how she feels for you and she's definitely not ready to commit to you. She would have otherwise. You have to take a look at her actions, and no amount of pressure on your part to get her to divorce her husband is going to get you what you want. She chooses to stay with him, she chooses to lie with him, I wouldn't be surprised if the suspicions on his part are starting to build. If he catches her and calls it quits, the woman you would have after wouldn't even resemble the woman you "have" now, she'd be crushed and hurt to have that attachment just broken like that. And that's if they don't reconcile.

It sounds like she has such a victim like mentality. She's stuck in a horrible marriage and there isn't anything she thinks she can do about it. There sure is, she ends it. Before it gets to affairs and cheating. She's too attached and does not have enough self worth to stand up for what she believes in, if she even believed in what you guys have. She's too scared of being alone to the point where she rather suffer. This is a woman you fell in love with and I'm sure you think you can marry? No, she needs some growing up to do. And that won't happen if you catch her when she falls. You have to leave her be. If this is what she chooses, she can't have both you and her husband. Do yourself and her both a favor. Break it off.

[xxazurexx]

It sounds like she has such a victim like mentality. She's stuck in a horrible marriage .

Don't all cheaters have a victim mentality....the marriages are always horrible..

Odd that they never seem in a hurry to leave these horrible marriages though.

[sehvral]

As I said to me LOVE IS STRONGER THAN ANY AGREEMENT. I dont care abt any paper and neither does she. I think she is wrong when she acts as she loves him when shes NOT.

She MARRIED him, I'm pretty sure that wasn't an act. If she really didn't have any feelings for him, she'd divorce him now, not a year from now. She's just stringing you along while she weighs her options.

[Doc Durian]

The only person being betrayed is her husband.

All of them are being betrayed but she's betraying her husband, her lover, and her own morality by sandwiching between two hot dogs when she's taken a vow.

That's assuming that she has any morals.

She may like having the choice of more than one frankfurter on the cocktail tray. It wouldn't be the first time that the "I can't leave him just yet, he's my best friend, I don't want him to suspect something is going on so I must sleep with him" theme has been used and it won't be the last.

The lover is betraying both the sanctity of marriage (for which he's probably keen on for this girl, one day) and his own dignity by sneaking around a husband's back and allowing the situation to happen/continue.

The husband is the clear victim in all of this, though...

(unless he knows about it, and encourages her to go out and get some)

[xxazurexx]

^^ I just feel that he has no right to grumble about feeling betrayed. It's hypocrisy at it's worst.

It's a joke that they don't mind being an accomplice to cheating, yet the self same people who cheat will complain about being cheated upon. That sooo annnoys me.

[Doc Durian]

It is ironic.

[IndiReloaded]

Cardinal Rule of affairs: If s/he'll do it to them, s/he'll do it to you.

Shit happens, and yes, even married people can fall in love with someone else. But like Giga said, its possible to break up with integrity. Which brings me to Rule #2 of affairs: the chance of affair partners staying together is slim to none. Even those who get married usually end up divorced. For the reason, refer back to Cardinal Rule.

You need to face reality: you are likely a distraction for her. Your affair is keeping her from working on their marriage problems. You are being used like an emotional anesthetic. So If I were you, I'd walk away now. Tell her clearly you would like to date her when she's available, but only then. Don't hold your breath for her, tho, Other Men who send their married lady friends packing rarely hear from them again. They almost always go back to their husbands.

Its hard to do, yes, b/c you are clearly emotionally dependent and addicted to her. But you need to realize this kind of ultimatum is the ONLY hope you have of actually forcing her hand to leave her husband if she is truly that unhappy. Otherwise, get used to being a frustrated e-tampon. Good luck.