I need a breakthrough... to ultimately get this girl back!!!

[streetsk8er794]

I'm going preclude this by saying that I've had a hard life. I've been to jail, rehab, and had a drug addiction. But.... I've now been sober for 3 years, found God, have a steady job, and am back in school. I've completely changed my life. I'm 23, and live in South Florida. Its hard for me to find a girl that is not interested in partying, drinking, and all that. But, I found her. Her name is Brooke and she made me very happy. I met Brooke 3 weeks ago at the DMV of all places. I was sitting down and she thought I was cute so she sat next to me. We started talking, I got her number, she got mine, and I left.
We've only know eachother for 3 weeks now, and became bf/gf 2 weeks after we met. We moved things very fast. She met my parents, she wanted me to meet hers. She held me on a pedestal at first, like she was lucky to have me. Then, out of the blue, she broke up with me. I am very confused, and would like Brooke back. Please read on if you want to help...


-At the beginning of each paragraph, i will state how long since we 1st met, and the events/conversation of the day..

Day 6: Our first date was at a sports bar restaurant, she picked me up (I have a suspended license from years ago) and we went out. She liked me so much she even payed for dinner (while I was in the bathroom). She dropped me off and I kissed her on the cheek. On the way home she was talking about activities shed like to do with me in the future.

Day 7: The next day she texts, "Hey i need to run to the mall tomorow, I might stop by your work." So she stops by, meets my coworkers, and we have lunch. We walked around the mall (holding hands) and she left.

Day 9: The next date we went downtown, walked around holding hands, and had coffee. Brooke was telling me things like, "I cant believe youre into me". "Youre so hot, you probably usually date much hotter girls than me." ... she was obviously really into me. Later we went to the beach and made out, felt eachother up, etc., then she dropped me at home.

Day 10: The next day, she's texting me saying she wants me to meet her Mom because her mom wants to know who she is hanging out with at night. I say "ok". then she says "i didnt want to scare you away by saying that." but i was ok with it.

Day 12: The third date, I went bowling with her, her brother, and her best friend. It went well. Afterwards she dropped me off at home. By this point we're making out regularly.

Day 16: The next date, we see a movie, then i say i have a surprise for her. so, we drive to the beach. i lay out a blanket, take out massage oil, and tell her i will give her a massage. we didnt get to the massage. we fooled around, cuddled, and talked for 3 hours on that blanket on the beach. then i asked her, "i want you to be my girlfriend." she said, "im not supposed to have one. im in nursing school, i wont have much time for you." so i say, "im not that kind of boyfriend. you still have ur life, and i have mine, but we have a new separate one together." then she said, "ok". by the end of that night, we were on the ground at the beach cuddling, and she said "i dont want to let you go"

Day 17: the next day, we were texting back and forth, and i was talking sort of mushy for my usual self, saying things like, "i want to hold you, kiss you", blah blah. and she was saying, "omg you drive me crazy. whenever i think of you i get butterflies." at this point im thinking, "hmm, this is great. shes really into me!" shes calling me baby, and im calling her babe at this point.

Day 18: she stops by my work, we walk around the mall holding hands, we make out in her car, everythings normal. she texts me later, "it was nice seeing you. you looked so handsome in your work clothes. but id rather you in nothing of you know what i mean". i text back, "remember that time downtown when we were walking and i grabbed you and kissed you, and you said, "that was nice". she texts back, "that was so romantic, like it was in a movie. you make me smile so much!!!"

Day 19: we're supposed to hang out today, so i tell her i cant wait to see her. she says the same. later that night, she texts me and says "i cant hang out tonight, my mom want me to spend time with her" So i call her, ask what shes going to be doing with her mom, tell her to say hi for me, and thats it.


Day 20: Here are the texts we exchanged.

Me- "good morning sleepy head. have a great day. i get off work at 5 if you want to chill"
Brooke-"I have to babysit at 4. its easy money so i have to do it. i hope youre not mad"
Me "of course im not mad. i know you want to see me. maybe i can come over to where you're babysitting."
Brooke- "i cant have guys over here, lol"
Me- "sure you can"
Brooke- "im not going to ask. shell get mad"
Me-"youre such a goody-two-shoes. noooo, "i dont want to ask cause she might get mad", lol. JK, but when do I get to see my new girlfriend?"
Brooke- "John, lately I've been thinking we rushed into the whole boyfriend girlfriend title. I feel like I dont even know you that well.

(at this point im freaking, thinking that if i pretend i dont care, she'll change her
mind)

Me- "Ok. lets just be good friends then"
Brooke- "Okay"
Me- "I feel like we kind of rushed too, but i also think we had a connection early on. I usually didnt talk this mushy to past girlfriends, but you were receptive"
Brooke- "Receptive?"
Me- "Meaning you liked it. But whatever, its cool."
Brooke- "I did like it. I just dont think Im ready for a relationship right now. I'm sorry."
Me- "Dont worry about it. Bye Jen. I have to get back to work"
Brooke- "Bye"

At this point I'm confused as hell. How did Brooke go from "having butterflies" when she thought of me, to wanting to end it all? On the other hand, I have no idea if she wanted to end it all, or if she just wanted to go back to dating and just remove the bf/gf title.

Day 24: I havent heard from her in 4 days at this point, so I figure Ill get advice from a friend who is good with girls. i send the following texts per his advice:

Me- "So this is how its gonna be?"
Brooke- "Im sorry"
Me- "I'm sorry? Does that mean thats it?"
(No reply for 30 minutes)
Me- "???"
(No reply for an hour now)
Me- "Just let me know if you want me to leave you alone, or can we talk?"
Brooke- "I'm with my family on vacation. I can't talk anymore"
Me- "I get the picture. Too bad... Peace! It was nice knowing you"

Day 25: Thats today. I want her back and I dont know what to do. Did I piss her off when I made fun about the babysitting? Did I show too much interest and she lost attraction? I know I sound really gay right now, but I am really a nice, honest guy, and would really appreciate some guidance people. Whats my next move, how long should I wait?

[fourleafclover]

I think calling her Jen probably didn't help

It does sound like you guys rushed things, three weeks really isn't long, and maybe she just got scared. Or maybe she genuinely realised she just doesn't want a boyfriend or something.

If you like her that much then perhaps you should just be totally honest with her and tell her how you feel. Either write her a letter/e-mail or talk to her face to face. That way you will know you've done everything you can to let her know how much you like her, and then it's up to her. If she does want to be with you then great, and if she doesn't then at least you'll know for sure and you'll be able to move on.

[tidydarts]

i'm not an expert (see my post) but i would suggest you back-off a little - let the time apart create the space in her mind to think about ywhilst you're not there or available to her

[streetsk8er794]

Oops, i think i made a mistake... i texted her today and said "hope you had fun on your vacation. i just wanted to say hi. tty some other time."

[xxazurexx]

I'm thinking that maybe she got scared and backed off.
That doesn't mean that I think she's gone for good.

Sometimes and when guys come on all strong and are seeming to be rushing things and heading along faster than we are, it can be very overwhelming and it causes us to back off.

I've been in this situation and although I'd distance due to his overwhelming attention, I'd soon bounce back and because I had a genuine interest in this guy.

If there was/is a real interest, we don't disappear for good.

[streetsk8er794]

Thanks xxazurexx. I think ill leave it alone for like 2 weeks, then maybe try and start a friendly relationship. whatya think?

[xxazurexx]

Thanks xxazurexx. I think ill leave it alone for like 2 weeks, then maybe try and start a friendly relationship. whatya think?

You may possibly here from her before then. If there is a 'genuine' interest on her part that is.

When I backed off, it would only be for a day or two. I didn't leave it for a long period of time or leave him hanging around for days on end wondering.
I also used another means of 'backing off', meaning I didn't pick up on all of his calls and texts. He called me constantly you see and I'd get tired of the phone ringing, lol. He was a guy who was really rushing things and I didn't get a moments peace. I felt suffocated and sometimes I needed to step back and breathe.

All of his attention didn't put me off though and I didn't loose interest. Just needed a break now and again.

I'm assuming that you had text her yesterday?? Leave it a couple of days then call/text her again

[marmalade]

It's interesting you say 'let's be friends' - I've just had a guy say that to me and I took it to mean he's not interested, so I backed off and now he's saying he only said 'let's be friends' as I'd distanced myself! So I'd make sure she knows that you want a relationship. Also, maybe she feels she got intimate too soon and feels scared you'll see her as easy.
It sounds like she's quite young, and there's a good chance her parents will be saying you're no good for her and she has to focus on her life etc. But that never stopped anyone from getting involved!
I'd say give her time to spend time with her parents and reassure them, let her know you're there when she needs you and wants to talk, but you don't want to pressurise her. Also let her know it's more than just physical and you think she's really special.
Good luck!

[cmacattack1]

Your friend is an idiot. I know you are looking for a way to fix things and make it work in your favor but going to your friend who is "good with girls" when he really sounds manipulative as hell. Not only did you go from a nice note to "peace, it was nice knowing you" to back to normal, you look confused as hell. You did not do yourself a favor.

In essence, it does sound like you have moved a little fast. Usually if they are really that interested in you, they wouldn't mind and go along with it, but it's also a possibility that she has been hurt in the past and is putting that shield up. Or she really does need some space. She talked about how busy her life is, yet she has found time for you many man days in the last few weeks. Usually we tend to overcompensate when we have that connection right off the bat to spend too much time with that person, and then when we need to get stuff in our life in order, it's time to overcompensate the other way. I did that and it didn't bode well for my relationships because I was a very unbalanced person. Something to think about.

Please, do yourself a favor though. Don't contact her and push the envelope any more than you already have. Let her make the steps back to you. Each comment, each trick you try to pull that your friend told you, is pushing her away. If you can't last not talking to her for a little while, you are going to scare her away with your need and desperation. Even if it has the best intentions.

[streetsk8er794]

Well what if she doesnt make that first move in like a months time?

[Erica2004]

Hey streetsk8er. She sounds like something I did with an ex boyfriend. I felt things were getting heavy and he was the first boyfriend I had after after my child and my child was 6months old. He wanted to see me everyday but we had our own schedules as well. We even talked about moving in together and I felt the connection. But with working full time and being a full time mom and having a boyfriend it got hard and I was scared. I never knew what love felt like until I met him. I went two months without talking to him and I realized that I missed him and really did love him with everything that I had. So I tried to contact him back he didnt have a cell phone at this point. So I decided to stop by at his house and his sister (not a good person) answered the door she said that he was at work. I asked her how he was doing and if he was seeing anybody. She said no he is still single and just been working alot. I said ok well please tell him that I stopped by. She said sure thing. Well with him living an hour from me. I have to pass his house every time I went to a family event cause he lives near my family. I would always try to stop by and talk to him. One day I just drove by to even see if his truck was there (this was almost 9 months of not talking to him) he was pulling out of the drive way and going the same direction I was. So I followed him to a two lane road to where I can pass him. As I passed him he looked at me and smiled really big and said omg erica!! he said follow me. So i followed we sat and talked. Apparently his sister never told him I stopped by or gave him any of the stuff that I gave her to give to him. He was mad that she did that. He said that he was so heartbroken and it caused himself to want to get drunk because he was attached to my son and me. He wanted to be a famly with my son and I. I sat there and I smiled because I thought we were going to get back together right than and there and I thought I was gonna be with him again and be happy. But he told me that after I broke up with him he felt this urge to drink cause of the heartbreak. He went to the bar had a few to many and had sex with a girl BUT USED A CONDOM but the condom broke and this girl got pregnant. We decided that we still cared for each other but to bring it down to friends and he always said go to the secret place (a tall tower near the river) to think cause usually he is there when he wants time alone. He told me that we were going to always be friends. I didnt contact him for a month one day I called him and the girl he got pregnant answered his phone and was like dont ever call him again and blah blah blah. So he calls me back and says hey im sorry but I cant keep talking to you because Im trying to make this work with this girl who i got pregnant. I said oh ok. and he said that he is trying to get me out of his head and with me callin and seeing how things are going once in a while is not a good thing and not helping him get clear of me. He was my one true love. and since then Ive had crappy relationships. I want someone like him back in my life.

But anyway, this is the situation I was in and why I backed off at first. I hope that you dont contact her let her contact you but dont be so eager to text her back right away. She will definately come crawling back to you if you dont make any contact with her. Cause if those were true words that she was saying to you she just got scared and needs some space. Hope it all works out for you hun. You seem like a great guy.

[streetsk8er794]

Erica, that is such a sad story, like one from a romantic movie or something, and I'm sorry things worked out the way they did. Thank you so much for your input... this is the first real relationship I've had in a while. I've always been kind of shy, so I'd read up on dating books and stuff like that, and I used a lot of that with past girls. It may have worked, but in essence, they werent really true relationships cause I was being manipulative. Please realize I'm not really that type of assholish guy, I only read them because I was very shy and wanted some success with women. Either way, with Brooke, I decided to throw all I'd learned out the window, and just be genuine and honest, and now that she broke up with me so soon, I was like "this honesty stuff doesnt work" and I really wanted to go back to my old ways. But the more I think about it, the stupider it sounds. What is manipulative? Knowing not to call when u want to so u dont look clingy? is that considered manipulative? i know im done with these dating books either way, and i want this girl back the right way, with me being honest about it. but yah i wont initiate contact even if it takes 2 months. anything after that, im gonna have to make that move though. thats good right?