Do you think this is weird?

[butterflies716]

Ok, me and my boyfriend live together and we are looking for our own place now, b/c we currently live at my parents house. He's 24 and I'm 23. I have a cousin who is my age, and we are close. I am close with all of my cousins and family, and we always have a lot of family get togethers. My cousin and my boyfriend know each other, and we all have hung out before. Well, he had his verizon phone account website opened up on my lap top, so I decided to just look and take a glance at his text messages. It shows the numbers that he texts, and texts that he receives. Well, I saw 4 different times that he texted my cousin first, and they talked back and forth a number of times. One was like 15 minutes, another was a half hour, then the other night at like midnight for 15 min. before he went to sleep, and yesterday morning when he woke up. I said something to my cousin about it but I was lying. I said, 'Oh so you and Justin were talking a lot the other night, were you talking about how bad I smell? I made a joke so she wouldnt think I was questioning why they were talking. Well, she went back to my boyfriend and said I was like freaking out cuz they talked. That bothered me, because I did not freak out, and it's like she went behind my back and said that about me to my boyfriend. She can be a little flirty at times, but I don't think she would do anything with him, or flirt with him using like sexual words or anything. He is the one who initiates the texts first, but she said that he texted her and was telling her how much bad luck he has playing bingo. Sometimes we all go play bingo together. But also, I've been checking his phone the past few days when he goes in the shower or something, and all of my cousin's texts are deleted! He deletes their texts, but not anyone elses. I asked him yesterday morning, " why do you text catherine alot ?" He said to me Im weird for saying that, I should trust her that nothing is going on, and he doesnt think its a big deal that they talk ... What do you guys think about it?

[vashti]

Don't move in with him. He is checking out your cousin, and you know it.

I would tell him to move out.

[butterflies716]

We've been living together since October.... I'm confused I don't know... But I really don't think my cousin would do that to me though.. Do you think I should talk to her more about it, asking her like what he says to her first when they text?

[vashti]

No. Your cousin is not your ally at this point. She's been having secret conversations with your guy.

[butterflies716]

ugh this is so annoyinggg... well the last time they talked was yesterday morning for like 10 min. on text, never talk on the phone, and ive been checking today but nothing. I feel like he does it when Im not around. Maybe she doesnt want to ignore him because she might feel bad.. If its once a week for 15 min. I don't know if I should say something b/c thats like nothing, but Im gunna check for the next week and see what happens. My mother thinks that Im stupid for acting like this..she said maybe hes talking to her about our relationship cuz we took a break like a month ago, or maybe hes asking her about my birthday or something.. idk..

[vashti]

ugh this is so annoyinggg... well the last time they talked was yesterday morning for like 10 min. on text, never talk on the phone, and ive been checking today but nothing. I feel like he does it when Im not around. Maybe she doesnt want to ignore him because she might feel bad.. If its once a week for 15 min. I don't know if I should say something b/c thats like nothing, but Im gunna check for the next week and see what happens. My mother thinks that Im stupid for acting like this..she said maybe hes talking to her about our relationship cuz we took a break like a month ago, or maybe hes asking her about my birthday or something.. idk..

It is inappropriate for him to talk to your cousin about your relationship.

Is your birthday coming up? It is possible they are planning a party or something, I suppose. If you think this is genuinely not just wishful thinking, then I would ask my boyfriend flat out what is going on. Leave your cousin out of it. She is going to remain your cousin whether or not this guy ends up being the one.

[xxazurexx]

If my man was seeing fit to text a female member of my family and on a very regular basis and just before midnight, I'd be wanting to know why.

What would he want to discuss with her, that he can't with me?

I think you are trying to make up excuses for him...but that is natural and to be expected when people are in denial and don't want to accept what is staring them straight in the face.

[butterflies716]

Well my bday is july 16th, so not really coming up that close to now... Yea I guess it is inappropriate... I talk to her about us sometimes.. Well yesterday morning I knew they texted because I know his id and password to get on his verizon account. So an hour later he picked me up from my lunch break and I decided I would call her to say hello... So after I hung up with her, I sort of lied and said " haha babe she thought it was you calling cuz she said you guys talked earlier" .. and he said oh yea i had a text on my phone from her which was read already but it wasnt me that read it, and it said, "" are you and michelle home because im coming to drop thomas off now "" (thomas is her brother, which is my cousin). I said ohhh but you texted her, you guys talk sometimes.. and he kind of got like very defensive saying omg your crazy you should trust us its not a big deal michelle blah blah blah.. but im gunna see what happens..

[butterflies716]

you are right.... what does he want to tell her that he doesnt want to tell me? i dont understand.. im gunna wait a week and see what happens and if they talk every day even if just for 15 minutes, thats weird, and im gunna say something to both of them

[VincenzoG91]

you are right.... what does he want to tell her that he doesnt want to tell me? i dont understand.. im gunna wait a week and see what happens and if they talk every day even if just for 15 minutes, thats weird, and im gunna say something to both of them

Now that they know that you know something is going on, they're going to get more secretive. You should probably make a decision now, based on the available information. The available information is that your cousin and your boyfriend are having secret conversations behind your back. I think that you will regret getting a place together under those circumstances.

[xxazurexx]

you are right.... what does he want to tell her that he doesnt want to tell me? i dont understand.. im gunna wait a week and see what happens and if they talk every day even if just for 15 minutes, thats weird, and im gunna say something to both of them

It is a great shame, when you can't even trust family members

I'd do what you plan to anyway and see what happens over the next week.

If these two are still appearing to be getting too close for comfort...time to step in and take action.

[Cosmo]

Find a new bingo partner. This guy stamps cards that don't belong to him.

[Piragua]

Vashti and everyone else on this topic need to relax. Sometimes cigars are just cigars. As you said OP, he only talks to her for about 15-30 minutes...thats not flirtation, thats shooting the shit, thats a shorter conversation than I have with by best friend over the phone. It's nothing serious. You and your cousin are close, so you're seeing this from an obtuse perspective. Think about it, why would he leave his lap top there if he was doing something wrong? Keep in mind that you opened "pandora's box" by taking a peek and being nosey. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, and in this case its heaven. Don't assume the worst just because he is being friendly.


Also, he deleted the texts because he knows you're gonna bring it up again, and again, and again. Frankly I wouldn't worry about texting....there are bigger signs out there. This just looks like casual conversation taken the wrong way. Don't break up with a guy just because he's texting a family member for less than 15 minutes...that would just be ridiculous. And don't take advice from someone who is prone to playing "executioner".

[Gigabitch]

Tell him to stop it. The fact that he erases them and acts defensive about it is a RED FLAG. Don't get a place with him.

[IndiReloaded]

Trust your gut. Ppl usually know when shit's up and are usually right about it.

1. Stop telling your cousin things about your BF.

2. Don't move in together, that's a slow train wreck and you know it.

3. Deleting her txts is a big red flag as Giga said. So is his response to you confronting him about it.

Beyond that, its a waiting game. You need to be smart and a bit detached about this whole situation. Stop socializing together (you, your cousin and your BF). If they still find reason to get together, I'd be breaking it off. Good luck.