How to get the guy you want

[girl68]

Yes but you still have yet to clarify what the hell you're doing to flirt? And yes YOU have to touch HIM. Allowing him to touch you is only half the battle. You have to SAY obviously flirty things.

[Yasmina84]

So, I saw him somewhere in town and approached him. I think we talked for like an hour about basically anything. First thing he asked was how are you. So told him work was really busy. No, he said. How's your private life? Talked about that and a lot of other stuff. He wanted to know where I lived, that he saw me in town a while ago etc. Basically it looked like he couldn't stop talking. Now, that's all good but now what? I e-mailed him (nothing big just small talk), and got an e-mail back instantly. Last e-mail was mine, which he hasn't responded to yet. Which is okay. Now the thing is do I wait for him to do something this time? Or is it all in my head that this was going pretty good?

[Caleb]

Dear Yasmina. I think that I have a solution to your problem in this. With all due respect for the emotional complexity of the both of you, sometimes reading too much into a situation like this, only makes it more complicated then it actually is. Or, in simple words, everything can be solved with the right clothes, a little cleavage , beer, and the right being at the right place and in the right time. What can I say, you wanted a guys opinion I know that at first glace what I said seems wrong. And it is. But think about this, what sounds worse to you? a girl who can`t get her flirt across, or a guy playing hard to get? its absurd. honestly. But you know, think about it this way, if solving this problem intellectually has failed, then maybe its time for "plan B". You said wanted to stop being the good girl, right? well, here`s your chance. Just remember that when all is said and done, make sure to understand if he is really into you or not.

I hope I helped in some way. Yours truly, Caleb.

[Yasmina84]

@Caleb
If I put on clothes with more cleavage I'll end up being the one night girl. Sure he'll probably like it if I had more cleavage, but since he's a pretty classy guy I don't think I should go that way. I always have nice clothes, so that's not an issue. I'm just wondering if I should wait till he does something. Yes, I want to stop being the 'she's okay' girl and go for it. But there's a thin line between trying to get what you want and coming across desperate (which I'm not).

[TheTooya]

How about taking charge and asking him out?

Its a bold move, yea, but it will snap him to attention that you are interested. Also make sure you look good when you do this

Speaking not only from my experience, but from many guys I know... we can be dense. We can stop ourselves from moving forward just because we second guess ourselves. We are notorious for not getting the hint and moving forward. If you don't want to take charge, thats fine, but make sure he KNOWS you are attracted. The advice I've read on this thread should be more than enough for him to get the hint.

[Yasmina84]

Haha see that's useful! The 'we can be dense' part is exactly what I needed to hear. But, as a guy, would you think it's annoying if someone who you've just talked to/e-mailed would approach you a couple of days after you've spoken? Or do you guys need to keep getting hints? I don't mind being bold, but should I wait a couple of days or just go for it and ask him out?

[Caleb]

lol I know how it comes off, it was only an idea. I just figured that since he seems to be that dense (or insecure) then perhaps desperate times should call for desperate measures. That`s all. Its a take it or leave it kinda thing, all self image and ego retailed matters in this are not my concern. However, come to think about it, there is something else that perhaps you should consider. How long have the two of you known each other? I am saying this because if this semi relationship of yours is a new thing, then maybe the reason he has not made his move is because he might think of you as the "casual girl". Someone that he is unsure of, but still keeps close in case his other options fail. Guys do that. I mean, think about it, if the two of you are so into each other and it is easily seen, then there are only two options left: either he is insecure and doesnt know when is the right time to "strick", or that he think that you are not being honest, that you are playing with him.

[TheTooya]

As a guy, I would not be turned off from a girl approaching me. Granted, there has to be some chemistry there.. either before you ask me out or on our first date.

I remember back when I was in high school, this girl suddenly went gaga over me and suddenly IMing telling me she was interested in going out. It was a nice ego boost, and I said yes. She wanted to take things to the bedroom really damn fast, and I knew I wasnt that interested in her... so while she was trying to pull me to her room for some fun, I shot her down. ...Apparently she cried for days, and got over it.

Long story short, she did have the initiative to push forward. I went for it, we went on a date... thing, but there was no chemistry and I shot her down.

If you do ask this guy out, remember you are asking out for a date, a more... 'getting to know you better' thing. Asking him out isn't signing a life-partner contract, it actually doesn't guarantee anything if they accept (learned the hard way with that one <_< )... all asking out does is put both of you in a situation where you can get to know eachother.

Won't make him feel bad, won't make him angry, but definitely should boost his ego.

erm, lemme add, it shouldn't make him angry, etc. If it does... hes a weirdo, find a better guy.



....

About your second question, sometimes, hints wont be enough. If hes shy he won't know how to make the move if hes interested. If he already had someone hes chasing then he wont repicprocate. And if hes tarded then he wont get that you are giving him hints....

I would just go for it, can't hurt, right?

[roy_delene]

If he doesn't ask you out ask him out .Of course a little eye candy wouldn't hurt either

[NBT]

So, how do you get the guy you want without freaking him out by just blurting out you really like him? I want a man's opinion on this. No offence to the girls, but the male brain works different. I want to get rid of being just a nice girl, and go for the 'that's the girl I want' fase. What makes you guys notice someone? What to say/what to do is basically what I'm asking.
I know I'll probably get responses that I should just tell him, but let's be honest that scares men away about 90% of them anyway.
I usually don't have a problem with this, but I don't see this guy very often so I need to 'work' a little harder.
Thanks!

I don't know what kind of men YOU know, but that would only "scare a man away" if he didn't WANT that girl.

If a man wants you, it's actually BETTER for him to know that you want him too. It takes some of the pressure off.

Telling a man you LIKE him relieves his "uncertainty" and lets him pursue you without that fear of rejection that he may have had OTHERWISE.

[Yasmina84]

Thanks for all the replies! Well, since the last time I posted we've talked for a while. I actually had no time to talk when I saw him, but he managed to keep me there and we talked for almost an hour. Which annoyed the hell out of my friend, who was waiting for me. He's just very talkative. A simple hi and sorry I have to go doesn't work for him. Anyway I raised my flirting by a couple of levels, to be more obvious. He noticed. So, we're in the teasing/cheeky smile fase apparently. Now, that's good I guess. But...yes there's a but. Where's the fine line between I want you, and I just want your body? No, let's rephrase that: Do you guys even have a line between liking someone and just wanting sex? No offense

[Charlie Boy II]

Do you guys even have a line between liking someone and just wanting sex? No offense

Yeah, I can badly want to have sex with someone but not want to date them. I think you've done enough work. If you make yourself too available, you'll lower your value in his eyes. You'll become a girl "I could have if I wanted to," which kind of kills the chase. I have to admit this is how I work.

[Yasmina84]

I kind of have the feeling that he's thinking about it. It's the way he looks at me. Not sure if that's a good thing. Flattering yes, but that could be the start of the ending, since I'm not that easy.

[roy_delene]

You asked if there's a fine line between dating some one and just wanting to have sex.
I am primarily attracted to a woman's personality. A woman can be really good looking but if she has a horrible personality I wouldn't want to sleep with her.

[NBT]

Thanks for all the replies! Well, since the last time I posted we've talked for a while. I actually had no time to talk when I saw him, but he managed to keep me there and we talked for almost an hour. Which annoyed the hell out of my friend, who was waiting for me. He's just very talkative. A simple hi and sorry I have to go doesn't work for him. Anyway I raised my flirting by a couple of levels, to be more obvious. He noticed. So, we're in the teasing/cheeky smile fase apparently. Now, that's good I guess. But...yes there's a but. Where's the fine line between I want you, and I just want your body? No, let's rephrase that: Do you guys even have a line between liking someone and just wanting sex? No offense

Like Charlie Boy said, we can want to f**k you, without wanting to DATE you. Same is true for you going DOWN on us (in fact, even MORE so, lol)

HOWEVER, there ARE girls we'd like BOTH with (sex AND a relationship) because we actually LIKE those girls.

So now, you have two choices:

A) Sleep with him, and see how he treats you AFTERWARDS (you'll be able to tell)

B) Hang out with him, see him, and see how he acts AROUND you. Is he trying to f**k you, or is he just enjoying your company?