HELP! (Long) Boyfriend's Environment Issues

[Pikapie]

Okay. So first, I'd love to thank those who are reading this, and intend to read the entire thing. Thank you. I appreciate your generosity immensely. I REALLY need help. I’m tired of the s**t going on. So, you may want to grab a drink or a snack, while you enter the tale of an 18 year old girl with a bit of problems. (Beware: Writing is one of my favorite hobbies, so expect this to be long)

I have fallen in love. A lot of people know how that feels. I fell so madly in love with a man... A man who fell for me. We are so perfect for each other! Ah, nerdy love…<3 And now, here we are, almost 2 years into our relationship, when things are REALLY starting to affect us. His parents are ill, and heavily depend upon my boyfriend to get stuff done. He is willing to do work around the house. (He is also 18, and living with his parents while he goes to college for the first year or so) But unfortunately, they depend upon him and his brother FAR too much. His brother just sits on his ass and watches cartoons, and every now and then does work. (I’m not going to list any names here) So when their step-dad comes in and * * * * * es, my boyfriend’s brother gets away with not doing work because he is an ass, and says that he doesn’t care, and that they can’t punish him. So, his parents truly believe that they can’t punish him, even though his laptop, Xbox360, and cell phone are his life. So the step-dad pile all of the work onto my boyfriend, and tell him to do it NOW, REGARDLESS OF WHAT HE IS DOING. So my boyfriend after awhile gets tired of doing BOTH his and his brother’s work, and doesn’t do his brother’s work. SO, of course my boyfriend gets bi*ched at about how he does nothing, even though he does everything.

His brother is 20 and sits on his butt all day watching cartoons with no job, and he isn’t going to college either. His step-dad even majorly emotionally abuses him. I’m F**KING tired of this, especially with how protective I am of my Love. I’ve heard his step-dad say things to him like, “Do this NOW! Oh, you’re doing a final? I DON’T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU FAIL SCHOOL. Get off you’re a** and do it!” And, “You’re not a person you’re half a person.” (The teacher gave a take home final) I’ve sat through his step-dad’s yelling fits and verbal abuse, feeling so helpless. That is one of the worst feelings I have ever felt in my life. When my boyfriend is getting screamed at, and pushed around by a psychotic grumpy old man, while I sit back, wanting to do something about it right as they kicked me out all because my boyfriend didn’t make eggs as perfect as they wanted, but THESE PEOPLE CAN’T BE REASONED WITH.

I’ve tried politely telling them, “People shouldn’t be treated like that.” I was told “It’s my house. And it’s my rules. Get the hel* out of my house.” For a man being treated like sh*t, my boyfriend is one of the most kindest, welcoming people to enter my life…When I try to help him with the tasks, they say, “Oh, you’re so pathetic that your girlfriend has to help you do chores?!”






And that’s the least of how vile the things they say are. So, with his brother slacking, my boyfriend is forced to do so much work. He cleans every part of the house, does laundry, cooking, has a job that he works Fri-Mon from 5P.M. to 1A.M., hands over atleast 40% of the money he makes to his mother so they can pay for things (they aren’t great with money AT ALL), he constantly is running back and forth playing room service every five seconds for his mother: taking the dogs out, feeding them, making her food every five f**king god d*mn second, giving her massages and back rubs, grabbing things that they want, and I could go ON and ON. The only thing he pretty much doesn’t do is directly pay the bills. (But he sure as Hel* hands over the money for them) I wish I could help. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I’ve never seen people treat each other so horribly until I entered his home. It’s really unfortunate; because he wants to get away from it all, and he really is a sweetheart…His house is the most unwelcoming house in the world. But what makes it welcoming is him…

To be frank, he doesn’t have enough time for a girlfriend because of HIS PARENTS. He can barely even get away with going to my house. On top of that, we are in a sexual relationship. And these people know that. HIS STEP-DAD DRIVES ME CRAZY, because he doesn’t want us being in sexual relationship, so he has to bi*ch and whine every five seconds if we hug, or even if our fingers touch. He always goes into the room we are in and says, “What are you two doing!?” EVEN IF WE AREN’T EVEN IN THE SAME ROOM! HE EVEN ASKS THAT QUESTION WHEN I’M IN THE BATHROOM! I’m not allowed in my boyfriend’s room, (Which technically isn’t his, because his da*n grandfather reversed the lock on his door, because he would lock in so his step-dad couldn’t come in and ask every five seconds, “What are you doing?!” So I’m pretty much stuck in the nasty living room where the cat pees every five seconds (a male cat, and they don’t have the money to neuter him…They won’t save up, because they don’t care enough) or the dogs poop, because of how busy my boyfriend is, and it isn’t noticed right away. The worst room in the house is my boyfriend’s room. He has over 1,000 books shoved in this small room (He and I love reading), swords all over, and clothes. The cat and dogs piss and crap over it because they aren’t fully trained. He doesn’t consider it his room, because of how little freedom he gets in it, and because his grandparents practically shoved all of his crap into his once new room before he was ready to organize it. He used to have a clean room until that point.

I could go on and on about this, but you pretty much get the point. PLEASE, I DESPERATELY NEED ADVICE…This is driving me to insanity…This may not seem like a big issue, but the psychological abuse it does is absolutely overwhelming. I’m seriously about to knock some sense into his parents. All of this mistreatment bothers my boyfriend so much…I feel like the worst girlfriend because I can’t get him out of his currently………..I really need advice…I have no one to go to…We don't get to see each other much because of the work, and if it isn't done the parent's way, they ground my boyfriend, and don't let me see him. HIS BROTHER GOES UNPUNISHED.

[QueenofCorona]

Well, he's an adult. The way you tell the story it sounds like his family needs him more than he needs them. He's got a job and pays them rent, if he wants to be treated better maybe he just needs to move out and find his own place. He should look into financial aid and grants, he might be eligible for more help actually if he's not living under his parents roof.

[SirWagginston]

Tell your boyfriend to grow some balls.

[TheTooya]

The boyfriend just sounds like he needs to move out. Living in that environment sucks, and he will lose any potential relationship going forward if he keeps it up... :/

[lahnnabell]

Your boyfriend needs to make the decision to invest in a relationship that will benefit him. He's an adult now and is capable of making that decision. This will involve cutting his parents off. Yes, it is selfish, but at this rate, he deserves to be. There is the selfless act one performs out of unconditional love, and there is the need to perform duties preordained by the very people who swore to love and cherish your existence. He is not ready to be his parents' caretaker just yet. It is up to him whether or not he wants to make this decision.

You need to start thinking about yourself as well. Have a serious talk with him about this, tell him you'll support his decision to live independently. Don't stay stuck here if this guy refuses to budge though. He will begin to drag you down as time wears on.

[Gigabitch]

There's got to be something fundamentally wrong with someone who takes this kind of abuse. I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but there's a distinct possibility that your boyfriend is a profoundly broken person. There's only so much of yourself you can invest in someone like this because they are ultimately black holes that will suck all the life out of you. I know you love him, but you can't save him. He has to save himself.