Controlling man ruined my friend

[cindy31]

My friend Cindy is being controlled by a scum bag and my friendship with her has been ruined. I love her as a friend but she is now so hung up on this guy it's sad to see how much she changed and how cold she became with everyone that knew her. She now lies, drinks, takes pills and everything and I'm afraid he is going to totally destroy her. She is 24 years younger than he is and she has no job, no car, no money - nothing! He is 54 and she is just 31. The guy she is with is a principal at a high school. He pretends to be all that but he is fat, ugly and a major asshole. She has told me when he is mad at her he calls her a slut, c*nt, loser and everything else to degrade her. He totally controls her. She no longer calls or visits me. She has lost all her friends. At least 5 times now over the last year he has kicked her out and each time he threw her out she has moved in with a different friend. She used all of them. I told her if she returned to him I will no longer help her. But she keeps returning to him. She has lost all her friends and all she has now is him. I'm really worried about her because she use to be a wonderful, sweet, confident and really happy woman. Now she is miserable and depressed and has turned to drugs and booze. Yet, she tells me she loves him and wants to be with him.

What should I do? If anything? This guy has her totally at his control? Has any ladies here had any experience with such a control freak. Seriously, the guy is fat, ugly and old. What is she doing with this loser?

[cindy31]

I also want to add that I realize this is a love forum and want to make clear the love in this case is obviously between my friend and her controlling man. I'm just looking for advice on how to help her. Also, forgot to mention that I recently found out he wants her to go to rehab. I find it so ironic because he is the reason for her depression and addiction in the first place!

[Mathias]

My friend Cindy is being controlled by a scum bag and my friendship with her has been ruined. I love her as a friend but she is now so hung up on this guy it's sad to see how much she changed and how cold she became with everyone that knew her. She now lies, drinks, takes pills and everything and I'm afraid he is going to totally destroy her. She is 24 years younger than he is and she has no job, no car, no money - nothing! He is 54 and she is just 31. The guy she is with is a principal at a high school. He pretends to be all that but he is fat, ugly and a major asshole. She has told me when he is mad at her he calls her a slut, c*nt, loser and everything else to degrade her. He totally controls her. She no longer calls or visits me. She has lost all her friends. At least 5 times now over the last year he has kicked her out and each time he threw her out she has moved in with a different friend. She used all of them. I told her if she returned to him I will no longer help her. But she keeps returning to him. She has lost all her friends and all she has now is him. I'm really worried about her because she use to be a wonderful, sweet, confident and really happy woman. Now she is miserable and depressed and has turned to drugs and booze. Yet, she tells me she loves him and wants to be with him.

What should I do? If anything? This guy has her totally at his control? Has any ladies here had any experience with such a control freak. Seriously, the guy is fat, ugly and old. What is she doing with this loser?

Sit her down, talk to her about what has changed in her behavior and toward you. Eventually, it's up to her to fix it.

If not, move on.

[vashti]

Your friend is responsible for her own actions. If you really want to help her, you shouldn't encourage her to see herself as this man's victim. Victims are weak and powerless, and don't have choices. She has choices she prefers not to exercise.

EDIT: hello Mathias! welcome back.

[l337acc]

It might be time for you and your friends to commission an intervention...