Originally Posted by
Incognito
Ok, so where did I not communicate clearly? As far as "expecting her to drop everything because you suddenly decide to grace everyone with your presence on the outing" reread my post, and then read my post to Vashti above.
Its was this where you gave a mixed message:
She suggests the Inner Harbor or an art museum.
I personally didn't want to go to either place and told her such. Saturday morning I get up and say to myself "well I couldn't come up with a place to go, so I'll go with the lesser of the two evils and go to the Harbor".
I get dressed and go out into the living room and ask when she is getting dressed because we'll go ahead and go to the Inner Harbor.
Vashti agreed with my post, read again. Your last communication with her was that you didn't want to go. Stated clearly and perfectly reasonable as you posted. But then you had a nice conversation with yourself and changed your mind but didn't communicate this to anyone else. You simply expected that she was still going, incorrectly, as happened.
What you should have done was *asked* her if she was still going. If she said yes, then you should have *asked* if it was okay to come along b/c you changed your mind.
I get the impression you aren't very good at asking for what you want. I suspect you assume and inform or demand but you rarely ask. I also suspect your wife probably anticipates a lot of things about you instead of letting you take responsibility for actually asking. Politely.
If I could counsel your wife, I would tell her to use the phrase "so, what is it you are asking me?'" more often. You'll find it very frustrating, but it would be good for your relationship I think.
Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh