I love my current gf a lot, but I still think about my ex!

[lifesabitch]

Is this normal? So basically my ex and I dated for 2 years from June 08 to July 09. Long story short, she cheated on me more than once and I just found them all out one at a time. It really hurt me and I was sad about it for a looooong time. She weasled her way back into my life on and off from August until about January of 2010 until I finally said enough is enough and cut it off for good. I went through a stretch of not dating anyone at all, and then around March I started going out on dates once again. I had some fun, dated around, enjoyed myself, but it was never the same and I couldn't commit to someone because I was still thinking about my ex for whatever reason.

Then, somehow it was kind of unexplainable that someone I had known awhile (a female friend) and I just got to talking about a variety of different things and we were clicking on levels that we had not felt before. So we decided to go out on a date and see if those feelings had any sort of base. I had told her all about the ex, and she told me about some of her past relationships as well. Bottom line, we really started to like one another.

After a few more dates we got to a point where we actually decided to make it official. However, before that happened she told me with all that has happened to me she wants to make sure i'm truly ready to be in the relationship. I actually said yes, in part because I really liked her, and in another part because I was scared that if I said no I would lose her.

So as time has gone by, she and I have gotten really close. I care about her deeply. But for some reason, I just can't get my ex out of my mind.. I just don't understand, does this mean something? What should I do?

[Mish]

When you say you can't get her out of your head what do you really mean? Are these, some sort of revenge fantasies? (I think those could be justified)

[lahnnabell]

You were hurt badly by your ex and endured the torture for quite some time. I still think of my exes. Not in a "I want to be with you" sort of way. But they were at one point a major part of my life, and a lot of my memories involve them. So, it's natural. Don't let it take away from working toward something with your new lady.

[lifesabitch]

yes, a little bit of what both of you are saying. In one sense I think of her in an angry and bitter way, almost hoping she's unhappy and miserable (even though I know she's probably on to the next guy, happy and not a care in the world)... and in another sense I find it hard to completely move on because I miss her. I have a great girl right now that I love, but I would say I haven't been able to completely give my heart to her because that very small part of it still thinks about what I used to have, or at least what I thought I had.. But in that same sense, I do not at all want to be with my ex anymore. I just wish I didn't think about her so much.

[xxazurexx]

It's only of recent (Jan 2010), that you cut things off with your ex and so things are perhaps still fresh in your mind.

Over time, the ex will fade and become a distant memory.

[Gigabitch]

You have an ingrained habit of thinking about this rotten girl. She was a thorn in your side for a long time. I think you have to be firm with yourself and remind yourself, harshly, that she's had enough of your attention and doesn't deserve any more. MAKE yourself think about something else when your mind wanders into bad territory. You just need some self-discipline.