Parents trying to get me to cheat on my gf

[Raze]

You don't understand STILL. Your mother is still NOT SAYING DATE ON THE SIDE, she is saying date other people as in OTHER PEOPLE LIKE NOT YOUR GF. Do you get it now?

No, I think there's a language barrier. We just don't have the same meanings for certain words.

You don't have ANY local friends? Umm why not?

I'm currently moving all my stuff to Shippensburg, PA which is where I'm leasing an apartment at the moment which takes up my Saturdays. For the summer, Monday through Friday, I work from 8:30 AM to 5:00 PM with over an hour commute to work and over an hour commute from work. It's due to all the traffic on the beltway.. ugh! It would take me about 50 mins with no traffic. Plus, after work, I like to spend some time with my girl friend because I won't be able to see her as often when I go away to school... Probably just weekends.

Since college, my high school friends and I drifted apart. They were assholes in retrospect. My college friends are much better except they are going to be at a different college the Fall and Spring Semesters.

At work, I don't have any friends because there is the issue of age. I'm the youngest person working in my Division so I don't relate to many people.

[girl68]

*face palm* okay whatever- doesn't sound like no language barriar to me at all- I understand completely what your mother was saying.

[Raze]

*face palm* okay whatever- doesn't sound like no language barriar to me at all- I understand completely what your mother was saying.

Well, there's only a few ways you can take what she said... actually only a very few. I think I need to explain something. I don't believe in dating people as friends even though it exists. I just don't do it. Get to know more girls. Yeah, I get it. I don't equate dating to friends. I just don't. There is a language barrier because some words have different meaning to me than others.

I've only dated people as potential gfs... not as friends. Even if we go on a date, we aren't friends. If I'm dating someone it's already exclusive because I don't date multiple women at once. I just don't. Now, exclusive to me doesn't equal relationship. It just means when I date someone, I just focus on that person and if it doesn't work out. I tell them or she tells me it didn't work out then we terminate contact and both move on.

Also, if I'm sexually attracted to a female friend, that's not going to work because we can never be friends if there is sexual attraction.

What I meant there is a language barrier on this topic right now between you and me (and I guess others? I kind of just skim and pick out key words that I see).

[Gigabitch]

If I'm dating someone it's already exclusive because I don't date multiple women at once.

This isn't a language barrier, it's your misunderstanding of the word "dating". Dating does NOT necessarily imply exclusivity. We understand now that for you, it does, but as far as the rest of us go, it doesn't.

[VincenzoG91]

Raze, let's skip all the semantics. What your mother is trying to say is that you should date a variety of women before you get too serious about one in particular. You will get a better idea of what qualities are important to you, and you will have a better chance of meeting someone who will truly make you happy. If you settle too soon for whoever is convenient, you may eventually get restless and wonder what other women would be like. Even if you don't end up getting divorced or cheating, you may just end up really curious and unhappy with your wife.

[kitkitkitty]

idk how the 'bit on he side' is relevant but ok 'language barrier' sorted. she's scared you're missing out on finding what you really want. and if shes not met your gf she's gona think that even more cos to her, she could be anyone.

[lahnnabell]

Perhaps your mom chose her words incorrectly. You don't have to take her advice, and it would do you some good to just shrug it off. You don't have to play into the drama, y'know? Just say, "Mom, I'm happy with my girlfriend. When you finally meet her, you'll understand." You say your proud to have her as your girlfriend, then act like it. Don't let your mother's opinion sway yours.

You stomping your feet and huffing and puffing over it only makes you look like a child.

[Mish]

"Christopher, I'm going to tell you this only because I am older, but when you get to Graduate School, you should date other girls."

"Christopher, don't limit yourself. It's not bad to date other girls when you go away to school. It's not like you're getting married to her," she remarked.

OFFICIAL TRANSLATION OF RAZE's MOM (This is what she meant to say)

"Christopher, DO NOT CHEAT on your girlfriend. BREAK UP with her instead and date other girls while you are still young. You don't have any serious plans to marry this girl so it should be okay to breakup with her and see what other girls are out there that might be better. I am older and I know from the experience that unless you do this you will regret it"

[IndiReloaded]

You could always just ask her if she means you should cheat or break up first.

[Mikeg542]

That still seems a pretty jerk move on your mom's part (sorry if this is too blunt). I am also in the camp that dating to me implies exclusivity. I find the shared bond of a close relationship amazing, and the experiences of a casual relationship really don't do anything positive for me. I don't remember if what you were looking for was advice or whatever else, but I think you do need to be straight forward here. If your mom is the sort to even somewhat respect you, just say "Mom, I'm in this relationship because it makes me happy and I have no reason to want to break that apart." and go from there. If your relationship with your mom is at a point where you don't think she'd support that, then just don't talk to her about it or address it.
I don't know if you all know the OP or not, but I think you are being entirely unfair. This situation bothers them and you don't fix that by telling them to stop whining.

[ecojeanne]

i can actually understand why you're not getting this. you're not old enough to understand what your mom was trying to tell you.

your mom knows when two young peope decide to be together that over a short enough period of time the two can get overly dramatic about their 'love' for each other and think at the time 'he/she is THE ONE'

INEVITABLY he/she is not the one and by the time this is realised by both parties there are kids involved and loss of potentially great careers

[Mikeg542]

my impression is that the OP is 23, which in some cases too young, but in no way fair for the above post.

[ecojeanne]

23 is very young (especially from his mother's point of view), i'm just helping him understand what perspective his mother is looking from. so fairness doesn't come into my post. it's a translation for the guy.

[Gribble]

Your mom couldn't be more right. It's a shame to cling to a relationship when you could be enjoying yourself, meeting new people, experiencing new things.

[lahnnabell]

Raze, keep in mind, no one is TELLING you to break up with her, but they are trying to provide you with advice based on their own past experience. Most people wish they'd spent more time casually dating because when you're settled and married, you don't get to do that anymore.

Take it one day at a time, okay? If your mom tries to rattle you again, just quietly change the subject or ask her to drop it. Do not pull the childish act of moaning about it. If you want to be treated like an adult, you must present yourself as an adult.