Boyfriend grinding with other girls

[Piglet Pie]

This is my first post on this forum. I found it cause I wanted one that was nice and anonymous.

Basically, with regard to the thread title: my boyfriend did this the other night. I don't know how I feel about it, I guess I am upset. I'm just gonna leap right in with my thoughts..

On the one hand:
- I know my boyfriend is a flirt. It doesn't have to mean anything with him, that is just how he is. I don't mind his flirting so is this much worse?
- The girls he did it with are just his friends (not strangers). I'm fairly sure he has no particular attraction to them. I think they approached him, he's a good looking guy.
- He did tell me about it. He said he tried not to grind, but gave in pretty much because they wouldn't relent and he was drunk.
- I don't know what he means by "grinding" - he could mean something that wasn't very sexual at all.
- I pride myself on not being a jealous person. I don't get angry or jealous over little things, or even moderate things. I think I am very reasonable with him, and I don't want to be "unreasonable" in prohibiting or getting upset about something that perhaps doesn't hold any bearing on our relationship.


But looking at it negatively:
- What if his friends (who know he has a gf) think badly of him, or me because of it? Popular opinion suggests that "platonic" grinding is pretty outrageous if you're in a relationship :S
- What if he got turned on by some other girl who wasn't me?
- I know, I know that he would be upset/jealous if I did this with other guys. I don't know if he would get angry or stop me, but it still seems like such a double standard.. And that also makes me think that if I wouldn't do it for the sake of his feelings, why can't he return the favour?

He told me in a blaze way, as though he didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Although.. not quite.. I suspect one of the following (or combination): he felt guilty and wanted to tell me, relief when I didn't seem to mind (He didn't seem guilty though). He wanted to test the waters by telling me, to see if it was okay with me. He wanted to tell me to eliminate the possibility of me getting the stick from someone else. He put it across in a blaze way, because he thought if he did - I would think of it as nothing important myself. Or possibly he put it across in a blaze way because he literally thinks there is nothing wrong with it. But then why tell me he tried to resist?

I hate arguments. I don't want to have an argument. I'm not even really angry with him, because tbh I gave off the wrong impression if he was testing the waters. I wasn't sure how I felt, and tbh I was freaked (not at all used to having to pick him up on anything, and I'm not the type to suddenly get stressy.. I dwell on things instead).

I don't know if I should bring it up (seeing as when he mentioned it I let it slip and didn't seem upset) and if I should I don't know how. I hate confrontation.

I can't tell him not to.. the issue is with him wanting to. Why would he want to do that with other girls? Guys could you grind with other girls even if you loved and respected your girlfriend?

If it's just a friends/fun/laugh thing, even if it is a little frowned upon I can accept it. I'm flexible, the important thing is love not rules. What I can't accept is the idea that he's doing this.. and enjoying it, and thinking/acting sexually with other girls, without a second thought to his frumpy girlfriend in the background. Or that he regards it as cheating, but doesn't care and does it anyway.

I'm gonna have to ask him about it aren't I? Please don't judge him, he is such a loving guy, and maybe it is just a misunderstanding. Also I'm not usually such a wimp. Only for him :S

Could I have any advice/opinions? What should I say?

And sorry this post is so damn rambly, I always ramble..

[Wiredbomb0]

Well, I would talk with him, so you can clarify what he means by 'grinding'. You shouldn't worry about getting into a confrontation; sometimes that's just what you have to do...

Just ask him what he means by 'grinding', then if you don't like him 'grinding', then you should tell him that. If he is smart, he won't do again. Me personally, I would get pretty pissed if another guy looked at my girlfreind in any way, but I'm more of the protective type (I'm sure alot of people wouldn't want other people getting too close to their partners).

If you think it's just a misunderstanding, the best way to clear it up, is to simply talk to him about

You shouldn't worry yourself too much, I'm sure everything will work out for you. Just go and talk to him

Wish you the best of luck!

-Wired

[girl68]

Find out what he means by grinding. Then think about what is okay in your books. Is dancing in a group acceptable? Is dancing while touching okay? I personally do not, I'm not okay with girls all up on him and he isn't cool with me all up on guys. He knows this... maybe your guy should too.

[lahnnabell]

I wouldn't be cool with girls grinding all over my man, or him getting up on a bunch of girls, drunk or not. In my opinion, that kind of behavior isn't acceptable if a person is taken. It blurs the lines, and that is a dangerous game to play.

Flirting itself can be rather harmless, but it's very disrespectful to do it in front of your significant other, or in a way that it becomes public knowledge of your activities. I flirt all the time, but only when I go out with my girlfriends. And my boyfriend doesn't get jealous so much if I talk to other guys, but he gets protective if he sees them leering at me.

It really just depends on what your boundaries are, and you need to figure those out. It's perfectly okay to have standards. If you're guy doesn't meet them, he can shape up or ship out. There will always be someone else.

[Piglet Pie]

Thankyou all for your contributions

I also just noticed everyone on this thread is from a different English-speaking country

[xxazurexx]

What the heck is 'grinding' anyway? It was a foreign term to me and until I started visiting forums on the web.

I'm assuming it means to dance with someone, while rubbing yourself all over them?....a bit like 'dry humping' someone.

No I wouldn't be ok with it.

I'd grind his face into the nearest wall and if I ever caught a partner of mine doing it.

It's f**king DISRESPECTFUL. IMO....and if he wants to rub himself over other females....he could go and rub himself over them full time.

[doppelgaenger]

Grinding is when a girl is brushing her ass on guy's crotch, usually rhythmically to the beat of a song.

[kitkitkitty]

I'd grind his face into the nearest wall and if I ever caught a partner of mine doing it

best thing i've ever quoted.
and if he means grinding in the way that people have described it and the way i think of it? nope, not ok. but you need to clarify or you'll be forever kicking yourself.
maybe because i'm a complete lightweight and don't drink much, but i hate the excuse of 'i was drunk'. don't get bladdered and half the problems in the developped world wouldn't occur.

[VincenzoG91]

Piglet Pie, you are over-thinking this. Your guy is rubbing his junk up against other women's asses, and you're wondering if it's okay? It isn't even remotely okay. You shouldn't even talk to him about it, this should be an obvious deal-breaker. And alcohol is no excuse. He doesn't respect you, and he doesn't have any sense of decency or self-control. For practical purposes, he is a dog off the leash. Let him run wild and go find a real man who will treat you right.

[xxazurexx]

Grinding is when a girl is brushing her ass on guy's crotch, usually rhythmically to the beat of a song.

Swear to god I'm not usually a violent person, but if I caught some slapper doing this to my bloke I'd plaster her all over the dancefloor....she'd have to be scraped up with a wallpaper stripper.

This is one thing I would not tolerate.

[SapphireBerry]

Long post - just by reading the title I assume he's an asshole and you're better off with a guy that will treat you with respect and not
associate with other women, only in friendship cases.

[SapphireBerry]

Swear to god I'm not usually a violent person, but if I caught some slapper doing this to my bloke I'd plaster her all over the dancefloor....she'd have to be scraped up with a wallpaper stripper.

This is one thing I would not tolerate.

xxazurexx that's what every girl should do, teach guys not to mess with the heart

[nerdy_guy]

There's a fine line between not being jealous and not being smart enough to know when she's been had.

[Mish]

Swear to god I'm not usually a violent person, but if I caught some slapper doing this to my bloke I'd plaster her all over the dancefloor....she'd have to be scraped up with a wallpaper stripper.

I'd pay to see that

[Piglet Pie]

Eeek..

I hate to put out the fire but I think it was just a case of insensitive wording... I asked him about it and he said it wasn't really close dancing. When I asked him about it he looked so surprised that I would even have a problem with it. He's pretty inexperienced, I am his first "proper" gf though we have been dating a while.

And I wasn't there, so how can I get mad at him for the worst case scenario which may not have happened? How I imagine it was is just mates messing around. I think he "grinded" with some of his male friends too. TBH when I think about it I don't really mind what he did so long as he has no genuine interest in these girls. I know that if I had been there he would focus on me, because he always focuses on me when we are out together.

He's not the kind to cheat. I know you're not meant to "know" but he really isn't he's far too lazy to bother with it. I recently had a bit of a crisis of confidence which possibly led to me posting this thread a little bit...

Sorry! I feel so silly because now you're all fired up and probably won't be satisfied with the outcome :S Honestly the internet gets a bit like a dumping mob, but I do appreciate your concern/advice.