Closing In On a Year Now...

[ChristianonLI]

...and I still absolutely want to die. She's now completely moved on and is dating someone else, someone inferior and unworthy, someone other than me. She actually has the audacity to think she has any right to move on with her life and try to be happy without me, the man who married her and the only man capable of treating her right and loving her the way she deserves. Of course, because I wasn't exciting enough it had to end. Because I enjoyed my downtime and video games too much that just meant I never loved her and she had no choice but to leave. She just doesn't understand. She loved me once. She accepted my marriage proposal. Therefore, she should still be here. She should still be here, at my side, as my wife, with her feelings unshaken and as strong as they were the first time she told me she loved me. There is no reason on Earth why she left (after only 3 months of marriage too!).

But she's gone and there's nothing I can do except sit here and hope God takes me in my sleep. She just doesn't understand how much I need her to be in my life still. Without her, the only woman I've ever loved, life has no purpose, no meaning and certainly nothing even remotely inspiring enough to motivate me to carry on. In spite of how callously and coldly she discarded me, in spite of the months she spent lamenting our relationship because of one single argument neither of us could settle, in spite of the mountain of hurtful insults and psychological games she played after leaving me, I would take her back in a heartbeat. If it meant trading in everything I own and everyone I know I would do it without a moment's thought or a shred of regret. The fact she actually loved me once means it was real, it was right and it should be lasting forever because no other woman on this planet is capable of loving me. Not now and not ever. I knew long before I'd even met her that there was only one out there and once I found her it would have to be my life's goal to keep her for I would never have another. And so far, a year after her departure from my life, this immutable fact is holding true. The only woman alive on this planet capable of feeling love for me now no longer does. So that's really it. Game over. Checkmate. Point, set, match.

I've entertained many horrible thoughts of revenge but deep down I know it's not worth it because the only acceptable revenge would require me to ruin her life in such a way as to forever label me completely insane, immoral and deserving of being dumped by her. Not to mention I'd have to kill myself after having my revenge because I'm not prepared to spend the rest of my life in jail though a very small part of me just wishes, hopes and prays that her life falls apart on its own and that she is eventually overcome by paralyzing misery from which she cannot recover. I'm talking the sort of despairing depression that leaves her shell shocked, unable to leave her home, or go to work, or interact with friends or in any way be able to function as a normal, happy human being until the day she dies. I'm talking the sort of misery that sees her breaking down in uncontrollable tears for months and years to come, the sort of psychological trauma that makes it impossible for her to EVER have a serious relationship with another man. After all, she left me. She broke me emotionally and physically and has forced upon me this terrible fate of loneliness. She actually has the nerve to think I'm no longer the greatest man in her life and that there are others out there who are better. For all this she needs to pay eternally. And as much as I would love to be the one to orchestrate this destruction of her life I know I, as one man, cannot. I must put my faith in God and the universe to destroy her life as she destroyed mine.

I only hope that the forces of the world around me come through and do what's right. This woman cannot be allowed to live a happy life. Not now, not ever. Not if it means I am to suffer in this way. Of course, either way I'm going to suffer, that much is a given. But the only solace I can find in being awake is hoping and wishing that one day, somehow, she suffers too for what she did to me.

And if you're a woman reading this, do the world a favor. Stay with your man. As long as he doesn't hit you, doesn't berate you and doesn't cheat on you, he's good enough. Stop reaching for the stars. Stop looking for that perfect, storybook knight in shining armor because they don't exist. Lower your standards, for the love of Christ.

[vashti]

So women are supposed to tolerate bums and lower their standards because you are too lazy and unmotivated to correct behavior you admit was a problem? that she TRIED to work on with you, but failed?

I suggest you get some intensive therapy. You sound very mentally unstable.

[Gigabitch]

And if you're a woman reading this, do the world a favor. Stay with your man. As long as he doesn't hit you, doesn't berate you and doesn't cheat on you, he's good enough. Stop reaching for the stars. Stop looking for that perfect, storybook knight in shining armor because they don't exist. Lower your standards, for the love of Christ.

I left my dragass, lazy, ambition-less husband five years ago and am now married to a wonderful man who is everything my ex was not. We had our second wedding anniversary yesterday. I couldn't be happier. My ex was not the right man for me, just like you were not the right man for your ex. Wake up and smell the coffee, man. The right woman for you is out there somewhere and you're spending all of this time moaning about this woman who dumped your sorry ass.

Pick yourself up and get on with your life.

[ChristianonLI]

I don't think there is any way to move forward. Sure, I never had huge ambitions for life, I was always comfortable with mediocrity but this is a terrible reason to leave a man. Especially if that man was not abusive. How do you think your ex husband must be feeling? Rejected simply for not having enough ambition. He probably felt just as I've been feeling, full of despair and lacking of direction. So nice that you found someone "better", I appreciate your attempt to be optimistic but you must realize I am in the position of your loser ex in this analogy. Such a loser is not destined to any sort of victories in life. So I have no choice but to fault you as much as my ex, a man being lazy or lacking ambition is not enough reason to leave him. What you're basically saying then is that this honest man who only wanted the best for you wasn't doing enough to satisfy your insatiable desire to be catered to, so you threw him away like so much garbage because he'd spent however many years of his life idolizing you and building up your ego to the point it was at a level acceptable enough to wade back into the dating scene. You used him as a springboard to propel you towards your "ideal" man. That's just great.

[vashti]

lol

you CAN'T be serious!

[ChristianonLI]

I don't even really know who I am anymore, Vashti. All I want is the best time of my life to return. Is that so wrong?

[Gigabitch]

What you're basically saying then is that this honest man who only wanted the best for you wasn't doing enough to satisfy your insatiable desire to be catered to, so you threw him away like so much garbage because he'd spent however many years of his life idolizing you and building up your ego to the point it was at a level acceptable enough to wade back into the dating scene. You used him as a springboard to propel you towards your "ideal" man. That's just great.

What makes you think he wanted the best for me or idolized me? He resented my very existence, except when I was cooking his dinner. He didn't cater to me; it was the other way around. He couldn't be bothered to do anything for anyone, ever. He's too lazy. It's just who he is. He's much happier now that he's not expected to do all of the things a husband is supposed to do. He just lives in his dusty apartment, goes out to lunch a lot and smokes all day. He sleeps about 12 hours a day and plays computer games.

I'm not seeing a parallel, necessarily, between him and yourself. It seems like your wife left you on the sole basis of the lack professional ambition. Is that correct? That's how I remember the story, anyway. Are you lazy all around or just in your job?

[VincenzoG91]

I don't even really know who I am anymore, Vashti. All I want is the best time of my life to return. Is that so wrong?

Yes, that's totally wrong. Time travel doesn't exist, so you can't get back to that time.

Here's what you can do:

1. Spend the rest of today mourning the end of your marriage. Cry your eyes out, wail, curse out loud, roll on the ground in agony. Get it all out. Finish the grieving process once and for all.
2. Get eight hours of sleep tonight, even if you need to chug some Nyquil first.
3. Wake up refreshed tomorrow, and start the first day of the rest of your life. You can't change what happened, but you can move on if you want.

Wallowing in self-pity for nearly a year has accomplished nothing. Or am I mistaken? Can you identify any useful benefits that you have derived from wallowing all these months? No? Then stop it and move on.

[ChristianonLI]

Just lazy at home, Giga. At the time of the brief marriage I was in a bit of an employment rut, stuck at a poor paying job but she was in no better position financially or professionally. While your ex husband might be happier sitting around smoking and playing computer games that's a life I was happy to attempt to leave behind at my ex's request. And then my efforts were too little, too late even though the intent was genuine. She wanted me to change everything about myself in a day. I figured I needed at least six months. Instead I was given 90 days and then given up on without even a second chance.

[IndiReloaded]

Marrying someone =/= ownership. You don't own her, you never did and you never will. Similarly, she doesn't owe you either.

Sometimes, if you are very lucky someone will DECIDE OF THEIR OWN FREE WILL to walk along the same path as you for a time. But noone is ever under any obligation to stay on that path. Either of you can get off the ride at any time.

She left you. Apparently you didn't have what she felt she needed. That's life. If you want, you can choose to learn from this by becoming more like what she seemed to want. Perhaps you will attract another woman like her. Or, you can choose to be happy with who you are and find someone who will accept you thus. Ultimately, its up to you.

[ChristianonLI]

I must amend any presumptions I made towards Giga and apologize for any over the top generalizations. While your ex husband may not have idolized you, I did idolize and very nearly worship my ex wife. She made the whole world seem less painful, less destructive. She gave me the strength I needed to get up, face each day and work towards being a better person; kinder, gentler, more sympathetic to the downtrodden, her mere presence in my life gave that life meaning, in fact the only meaning my life had ever had.

I still remember the last time she said she loved me and meant it. We were at our jobs and she called mine. I played some cute joke on her over the phone. She giggled and said she loved me. Two weeks later she was packing her bags and running away from me faster than that poor painted cat would run from Pepe Le Pew.

None of you are strangers to heartbreak but unlike all of you I have no hope of ever finding someone. I knew it before I'd met Jenn and it's just playing out exactly as I always knew it would. My life has become one big aggregate of sad rock songs (think Pearl Jam's Black or Cheap Trick's The Flame). Every minute of every day I am overwhelmed by haunting images of her happy with someone else, happier than she was with me and constantly aware of how much better this new man is compared to me.

I feel as though I cannot let this be. But I have no choice. I'm forced to live this endless nightmare of rejection while she enjoys the life she will forever believe she couldn't have with me when I did everything in my power to appease her at the expense of my dignity and my very identity. I can't imagine it possible that a better man exists and yet all the evidence tells me she's found him.

And here I sit, still wondering what happened and hoping I'm wrong and that I'm not destined for a miserable life of loneliness. Yet everything around me says this is precisely what will happen. Jenn, the only woman who'd ever actually loved this useless, nerdy, uninteresting pile of DNA that I am, is gone and I doubt another exists who would lower their standards so far.

[sookie6]

Your post scares me.

You come across as so dependent and self centered that I'm afraid you are very unattractive.

You've stated many times that your ex was the only person that made your life bearable. It's too much to bear for a woma, or for anyone.

Sort yourself out and don't live in the past.

As for your advice to women: it's BS.

Wmen (and men too) are allowed expectations. Yes sometimes these expectations are too high but being a minimim demanding on the criteria of a partner is better than settling for someone who does not abuse or beat you up (thank you)...

Plus we live in a day and age where women don't 'need' a provider. Women now study and work hard enough to gain independence. They can now even afford to remain single until they find the right match.

Why would they then settle for someone who drags them down?

[Gigabitch]

I did idolize and very nearly worship my ex wife. She made the whole world seem less painful, less destructive. She gave me the strength I needed to get up, face each day and work towards being a better person; kinder, gentler, more sympathetic to the downtrodden, her mere presence in my life gave that life meaning, in fact the only meaning my life had ever had.

I hope your next relationship will be a little more balanced. You lived in a Jenn-centric universe and that's not exactly healthy. I'm sure you understand why, having had the experience of being dumped by the center of your existence. You weren't even together all that long.Did you run around your whole life with this big hole in your world, waiting to meet someone who could fill it?

[ChristianonLI]

Yea, pretty much, that's how it had always been. And now that gaping hole is back and bigger. Perhaps too big to fill.

[Gigabitch]

I think you've got some mommy issues, Christian. Go get some help. I say that with love.