Advice on how to heal with a guy that disappeared on you...

[Nybeauty02]

Hey all. I need some advice because I feel like I wanna die.

I dated a "great" guy for 6 weeks, we had a disagreement, and then he disappeared. I beat myself up for days thinking he ran because I messed up. But my friends reminded me his ignoring tactics were not proportionate to what I did or said.

Then, I started to put the pieces together. He always mentioned crazy exes. Now I know why he rode around in a car with an expletive keyed into it! It wasn't just 1 crazy ex, it was multiple. I remember the very first night I met him at a friend's party and overheard him say to a friend, "...yeah she called me but I didn't feel like dealing with her...". I see now that he flees, leaving a heartbroken woman in his wake.

How do you heal when you have no answers? How do deal that guy who was SO into you, met your friends and family, always wanted to b around you could just toss you aside like garbage? How could you be so wrong about someone? How could he have treated me so well and been so sweet and considerate just to do this to me?

I want to believe he's hurting too but I don't think he feels bad at all. How could a guy that was so sensitive be so cold?

The good news is, I stopped trying to get in touch with him days ago and I'll never try again. I hope he's "waiting" for me to do something crazy like the rest but I never will.

[VincenzoG91]

I hope this doesn't sound dismissive, but what about getting a pet? Last time I had a shocking breakup, I adopted a cat from a local shelter. It took him a couple of weeks to warm up to me, but it felt good to have some other focus to my life than heartbreak. Now he's a daily source of affection, and very low-maintenance.

[kitkitkitty]

I hope this doesn't sound dismissive, but what about getting a pet? Last time I had a shocking breakup, I adopted a cat from a local shelter. It took him a couple of weeks to warm up to me, but it felt good to have some other focus to my life than heartbreak. Now he's a daily source of affection, and very low-maintenance.

and stroking cats and dogs is said to calm people down.

[Nybeauty02]

I have a dog. A great big fluffy one at that!

I am pretty emotionally healthy and can usually move on fast. However, I'm scared that the open wound here will cause me to take longer to heal....

[kitkitkitty]

i think you just need time with friends. i know you can get pretty attatched in 6 weeks but you've gotta see it for what it is- this guy's pretty weird and has an odd past. for all you know he could get a kick out of women trying to track him down and woo him. go out shopping and clubbing, take your mind off it all!

[Nybeauty02]

Kitty, I can't tell you how much your post helped me out. You said "he could get a kick of women trying to track him down" and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. That's EXACTLY what he wants - hence all the "crazy exes" that vandalized his car, spread rumors, etc. He was abandoned as a child, so he needs to prove he's not worth abandoning. (that is my Psych degree talking!). Thanks so much!! I finally have an answer

[kitkitkitty]

well i'm happy i could help good luck with whatever's to come ^____^