BBQ's and relationships of conveniences.

[Alvy]

Well if you're 45, and your partner's younger than 40, and you decide to have kids within the next 2 years, your kids will become adults long before you two are bedridden and frail. Maintain a somewhat healthy 'lifestyle', you two could easily live till your 80s or even 90s, and by then, medical science would (or should) be a lot more advanced. Heck you could probably live to a 100, and by then your kids will have become full blown adults with kids of their own.

As for being a pointless drudgery, life's whatever you make of it. There's loads of activities and places I would love to do and travel to, but that requires lots of dough, and the chances of a 19 year old making a 6 figure salary is...yeah.

Also very aware that this post doesn't relate to what GB originally posted, but oh well.

[VincenzoG91]

I maintain a very healthy lifestyle, but my dad died of cancer two years ago, so that has been on my mind lately.

[BusyBee]

Right, I agree we have left the story about BBQs and we are now on life in general. But that's ok, isn't it?

I agree though that you're still very young and that you can still have kids.

Your dad probably wasn't very old, was he? But, what you need to bear in mind is, your life is your life, not your dad's not your colleagues' and you need to live it the way you want it.

[girl68]

Busybee you've guessed wrong. You provided what 2 examples and claim "most." Sure, we clearly disagree. I'm gonna hve a damn big wedding and according to you I'll likely be divorced soon after- sigh.

[VincenzoG91]

My dad was 65. He smoked for 50 years, drank too much, and was about 50 pounds overweight. But in the end, he died of adrenal gland cancer.

I've made much healthier choices, so in theory, I should live a reasonably long life. But adrenal cancer? That's so random.

[BusyBee]

Hey, I seriously hope for you that you're one of the few that last. If you want a big wedding, fair enough do so. Saying that if it is just about the "legal committment" wouldn't a legal wedding be enough? and by the way, statistics say that on average half of the marriage end in divorce.

I could provide you with more examples, but that would take pages.

[BusyBee]

My dad was 65. He smoked for 50 years, drank too much, and was about 50 pounds overweight. But in the end, he died of adrenal gland cancer.

I've made much healthier choices, so in theory, I should live a reasonably long life. But adrenal cancer? That's so random.

That is a strange cancer to have. But then I suppose, drinking and smoking does highten your level of adrenal gland is part of the kidney systems and they help cleaning a lot of the dirt out of your body.

If you are already more careful, you shouldn't worry too much and certainly not stop living just because it could happen. Imagine if at the age of 90 you look at your life and think I could have done so much more if I'd known.

[girl68]

Are you going to slam me on the fact that I want to celebrate my committment by getting my drink on with a boatload of friends and family?

[lahnnabell]

Hey, I seriously hope for you that you're one of the few that last. If you want a big wedding, fair enough do so. Saying that if it is just about the "legal committment" wouldn't a legal wedding be enough? and by the way, statistics say that on average half of the marriage end in divorce.

I could provide you with more examples, but that would take pages.

I agree with girl. This reply sounded really snarky, made even snarkier by the condescending smiley and thumbs up. We all know the statistics.

Way to get out of backing up your original statement though.

[BusyBee]

I wasn't tying to get out of it at all.

And I'm not slamming you girl. It's just that I've seen many of them I'm going to have a big wedding, not being anything but that.

Let's go for examples then:

- Love at first sight, moving in together after 2 months, married 6 months later, he works hard, she goes out and sleeps around, he trusts her, way going commitment. She wants a kid now, wonder who the father will be and how long it will take him to figure out he's being used because he comes from a well off family.
- 14 years of marriage, new each other from the age of 18, got married at 21, 14 years' later one kid of 7, I didn't have a life, couldn't go out, I want to catch it up, sorry, I'm dumping you, and for once it was the woman
- 2 years of marriage, new each other for 4 years, 26 both of them, wanted kids, twins were born, he said"it's too much for me", left and asked for divorce
- 15 years of marriage 2 kids, he was an engineer, good money, travelling a lot, she was happy about it, until she met somebody else. Sorry, I can't live with you being away as much anymore, I've met somebody else. Divorce.
- 40 years of marriage, she 63, he 65, in a routine blood test, she figures out that she has contracted the HIV, never cheated on her husband never had sex before him either. Asks husband, bugger, he's been having affairs for years, divorce, saying that I think it this case making her ill he should be ounished more severly.
- he 37, she 35, one son 10, he was working full-time and she half time, the other half of the time, she was buncking somebody else, divorce.
- She 42, he 43, 4 kids, they both worked as nurses, so arranged their shift so somebody would be at home for the kids, result, she found a younger one without kids. Left work everyday 30 earlier, skipped lunch for that. Husband found out, divorce. Oh and on top of it, she doesn't want the kids anymore.
- both 38, 3 kids, halfsister one year older than youngest kid, wife found out, suitcases infront of the door. Divorce.
- she 26, he 30, sept her of her feet engaged after 4 months, married 3 months later. He changed just after the wedding, wasn't interested in her anymore, wanted her to cook and clean and wasn't even interested in sex anymore. Cheap cleaner. Left him, currently divorcing.

Saying that, I reckon it is still better to divorce than to sit there with the wrong person for the rest of your life.
He 60, she 59. At the time, it was the done thing to get married, so I did, I had 2 girls, a house, a dog, had a good job, but we never got on, staid together for the kids and now I'm too old to divorce. We live in the same house but just meet for birthdays and Christmas.

Shame isn't it!

[VincenzoG91]

In other news, sometimes people are selfish or foolish.

[BusyBee]

Exactly!

Me, me, me and myself, That^s all they seem to be able to think

[mrtdg82]

Right i can see the original posters point however i dont think it was portrayed in the best way. To say that everyone at the bbq werent happy is a massive assumption.

However the general point of his post was in some ways correct. As mentioned in this post there is a formula to life that many seem to follow. Meet, move in, marry, kids, die. The time frame over this can be astounding to say the least but its whatever floats your boat. To be honest theres no more 'courting' now days (and thats from a guy who is 27 years old) and the majority of relaionships move at a rate of nots. There are relationships built out of convenience, probably more then anyone would like to admit. There gets to a point where a relationship is built on what goals they both want to achieve or how compatable they are rather then the fact they love each other.

Love is a difficult one to discuss. There is no specific meaning to it as its all down to individual interpretation.