Hi everyone,
I would like to sum up the story with my gf first, because there are a lot of details and it would be too long to write everything at once, and difficult for you to read everything. Questions and answers will come with new replies .
Well, let's start :
I'm a man, age : 31 from France.
One year and three months ago, I travelled to japan for one month hollydays and I met a woman, same age there (we were penpals since several months allready). After a few dates, we were into a relationship (jp relationship criterias).
Both of us had a wonderfull month and I went back to france with high sadness. She convinced me to hang on and continue into a long distance relationship (LDR is not common at all in french relationship culture).
Anyway, my decision was taken to do it, because I felt that she and I matched so well.
4 days after that, I had in my appartment an health problem that suddenly made me fall down on the ground. I went to the hospital to know what happened.
The answer is terrible : cancer. A serious one.
I told her things little by little. She was wonderfull with me. We exchanged days everyday, and slowly we learnt better who each other was (at the same time, I did all the needed things for the illness, and I'm still doing them. That's a long process). I discovered that this woman was the one I was seeking since always.
My first year of treatment went pretty well. I could work like a normal person, and have an almost normal life, but couldn't go very far from home because the Dr asked and the illness was still not stabilized.
She visited me twice in france, spending a lot of money for that. We had some very nice hollidays together.
I asked the Dr if I could take the plane to see her in japan. It was my turn ! Dr said : if next MRI is ok, you can go without any problem !
Next MRI was not so good and I couldn't go because I needed a new treatment during several monts.
I think that she has been so disapointed that I couldn't come, and even if as a lot of men, I can be too much paranoid when it's a matter of women and relationships, I think that she sent me several signals that make me think that I will be dumped. but she didn't say things clearly, and I don't find courage to ask yet. My plan is to sent her an handwritten letter.
a few informations :
- 6 months ago, for the valentine's day, she sent me a really wonderfull love message. I showed it to my female japanese friends, they acknowledged that a jp girl who is sending that is in love. No doubt about it.
I did the same, and trust me : this woman is the one of my life, and if I could remove this terrible illness from me, I would do anything to get close of her as fast as possible.
- she wants to be married, to get babies and 6 months ago, she was ok to came to live in france (I don't know now). she want's a normal familly life. That's normal and very important for her (and I)
Some of her friends are allready married, pregnant... she envy them.
- being seriously ill is like full time job. You have appointments very often and you're very tired. currently I'm not strong enough to seek a job for here, and at the same time endure what I need to endure because of my illness. I'm not sure that she is understanding how hard it is, and of course I don't say every little detail to her to avoid to give extra pressure.
- at the beginning of our relationships, she made some important choices : long distance and being with someone ill. I'm afraid that we didn't talked that much of that together.. but I was so shocked at that time...
my mind was not clear at all. Maybe now whe is realising that she made the wrong choices ?
- in the past, Dr removed her a tumor somewhere. Luckily, not a dangerous one, but she waited a long time with fear before to know the result.
Do you think that it's possible to truely love someone and a few months later because of that kind of problems, that this feeling is gone because he is ill and that makes your future unsure.
For me the question is : how deep is her love.
Thanks for reading and sorry for the language errors. Ask me if you need more explainations.
Curcuma