Input&advice needed, (My story/problems with women)

[afterhourz]

Well, I am still relatively new to this forum, however I have received a great deal of help recently form you guys with a particular girl, and in turn have (hopefully) given some decent advice back to some of you guys.

A little history on myself, I am currently a 20 year old college student(almost 21), and am very close to finishing my AA. After I obtain my AA, i'm going to tour Europe for about 5 months, before coming back home, and moving to Cali to pursue a bachelor's most likely. I say most likely, because nothing is fully set in stone, and you never know what you might find along the way.

Basically, I have been overweight for a very long time. From about 5th grade, until the very day I graduated high school. Don't get me wrong, eating fast food everyday and playing video games all day was fun, but eventually I learned that there was more to life then this crap. Once I graduated, I attended the local community college here, and finally had my own car. As well as a gym membership, it just felt like it was finally my calling to lose weight, and finally start having experiences with girls like everyone else was. So basically, I went through high school with a blank record in the women department.

First semester of college, I lost about 50lbs. I was 220 when I graduated, and would go to the gym everyday to run for an hour. Once I lost a lot of weight and realized that fame was just around the corner, it really motivated me. I started drinking and partying shortly after this. Mostly because, I realized that most girls my age at the time, went to parties on the weekend, and was my best bet at meeting girls, and hopefully even hooking up with one. Basically, it didn't work like that, me and my good friend chased these 2 girls around for almost a year, drinking with them a lot, and nothing happening in the end.

It was clear, I had no game from my lack of experience, and basically ended up being a natural "nice guy" from being fat for so long in school. I lacked a lot of confidence, mainly from my looks, of course no one wants to date a fat person. I surely don't, so it was pretty clear that my looks have always held me back in life.

So, I went to parties a lot, still with no game. Drank a lot, started to get out of shape again, didn't hook up with anyone. It was starting to suck. Me and my good friend tried so hard, and never wound up with any girls in the end. We just didn't get it.

Skipping ahead a semester or two, I tried mushrooms for the first time. It opened my eyes, and gave me a new purpose in life, it showed me the path that I needed to follow, the path that was barely visible to me before I tried this 'sacred tool'. The very next day, I realized that I needed to learn guitar. Bought one that day, and found a teacher on craigslist. I began getting in shape again, and eating better. I quit playing WoW, and felt like I had finally answered my calling in life.

I still drank, and hit up parties with friends. I eventually hooked up with two different girls, slept with them, and well... wasn't what I had expected. The sex was great... but I always got an absence inside of my stomach the very next day. I guess deep down inside I always have wanted a relationship, but there are very few girls where I live in the first place, and just didn't know where else to meet girls my age.

Fast forward now, I am a completely different person then when I first entered college... I know exactly what I have to do with my life, and just have so much more knowledge in life itself then I did a few years ago. For the most part, I know how the politics of flirting works, and the basic do's and dont's. I don't hit up parties as much now, and if I do, it's just to chill with friends and stuff. I want a relationship, or just something more then a quick hookup at a party. I know I can do better then that.

My diet and exercise routine is superb now, I am in the best shape of my life, and yet still have a long ways to go. I have a lot of friends in school, and am overall a very laid back person to be around, and very witty in my humor, and really just enjoy making people laugh. My confidence is pretty high, although I still need a lot of work. Surely, I should be bf material, right?...



Well, i'm not that perfect, either. There is still a lot about myself that I don't know, and I am still holding back a lot in life, that I shouldn't be. As far as negatives go, I am still overly too nice, and sometimes make it too obvious too girls that I like them, making me seem too easy. I still get jealous a lot, though I am starting to realize it a lot more now, and I am working on fixing that.

I just have a very strong personality, very grounded in my beliefs and my direction in life, which some people like, and some people don't I guess. I still have problems with my looks. My friends tell me I look fine, but I still think they are biasing their judgment on our friendship, and simply don't want to hurt my feelings. So, here are my pictures. Honestly, tell me what you think. Trust me, I can handle it.

[url]http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/4043/currentb.jpg[/url] - Current pic

[url]http://img410.imageshack.us/img410/3670/ll2i.jpg[/url] - Long hair days..

[url]http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/9044/work2008.jpg[/url]

[url]http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/9016/beachvm.jpg[/url]

[url]http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/7662/summer09.jpg[/url]


I have a very close group of great friends, have no trouble meeting new people, play guitar, value life and have purpose.... but there is something missing. Most of my friends are all in relationships, and have no problem getting into new ones if they end up breaking up. Now, we're all on the lookout for our soulmate, and im nowhere near ready to get married or to settle down, infact, it terrifies me. But... I still want to experience a real relationship. Someone that I can make love with.. and not have to be totally wasted when I do it. Just someone to have fun with, and share a part of me with.

But i'm missing something... something that all of my friends have. Is it just confidence? Am I still holding back from the way I think I look? I got rejected by the girl of my dreams(literally) last week. But you know what? I'm glad it happened. I've been living in 'what if' my entire life up until then, and realized that i'm 20 now... my 20s are supposed to be the best years of my life... I better not look back when im 40 and say "damn I coulda done so much better in my 20s".

Im on the edge of a breakthrough now, but need your help. Im ready to just say '**** it', and approach women that I think are hot, and just see what happens. Im leaving in 9 months anyway, and will be in Europe... the place I have dreamed about visiting my whole life. I hate protecting my own integrity. I see unworthy guys with beautiful women everywhere I go. I know I can do better then this. Being lonely sucks...

Does everyone go through this phase? Geez... what a ****ing wreck. Well, if you read all of this... hopefully someone can shine some light on me.

[kms]

Honestly,one thing that I have always found to be true is that love finds you when you aren't looking for it.

Perhaps because it's something that you want so much, your desire for it shines through when you are interacting with women - and the intensity and seriousness scares them off. It could be something that you are completely unaware of. They might not even be able to put a finger on it either, but in college especially, a lot of people just want to have fun and aren't looking for anything serious.

My advice is to focus on school, on making yourself a better person, continuing to keep yourself in shape, making good friends, joining a club or group that promotes a cause that you believe in. It's very likely that you'll meet some great women that way without even meaning to.

Don't worry too much about not finding someone right now; you're still young and you shouldn't take life too seriously right now anyway. You don't have a degree yet and you're in no position to be in a serious relationship with someone (since you couldn't feasibly get married and support a family any time soon). Don't be in such a rush to grow up - it'll happen before you know it, and you'll look back wishing that you hadn't been so serious about everything!

And you never know; the right girl may not come into your life til later on - maybe in Europe, maybe when you get your bachelor's, or maybe when you enter the workforce. You wouldn't want to force something with someone now, who might be good but not quite right for you, and miss out on someone completely amazing later on.

And as for your appearance, that only counts initially - all that fades when the other person gets to know who you are, your personality, your beliefs, how you treat them even when things are rough... those are the things that really count, and those are the things you should be focusing on improving. Staying in good health is also important too, but don't lose focus on what will make a long term relationship last - who you are on the inside. And by the way, I did look at your pictures, and you have absolutely nothing to worry about!

[afterhourz]

I know for a fact that the universe has a grand plan for me... and everything that happens now is going to lead up to it. I know that there's better out there for me, which is why I won't find 'the one' anytime soon.

But, I still want something casual with someone. Everyone else seems to have no problem picking up and interacting with women... but I just lack that spark that everyone else has. Is it just my lack of self confidence in my appearance... or is there more to it? 10 years of looking at yourself in the mirror and being disgusted takes a toll I guess... I still have a hard time telling myself that I look good

[afterhourz]

Id like more critiques on my photos if possible... I really have a hard time with my looks... especially since no one around me every comments (good or bad) on the way I look... I will admit that when someone doesn't dress or look good sometimes, I usually don't tell them either.

[I-zac]

DUDE! WHY on earth would you think you are not good looking? I looked at your pics and i was like... is this guy really suffering from an inferiority complex? You look great! and not fat at ALL.

Chin up, my friend. Be confident. Believe in yourself. Its a shallow world out there but there are definitely good people. Looks don't matter, they really don't. You're just trying too hard. Stop trying, love has its way of finding people and i definitely agree with kms on that.

[IndiReloaded]

You're cute, you're young. Smile more. Don't expect the universe to hand you anything. Take what you can while being true to yourself--the universe will always come around to take its cut.

[afterhourz]

It's just been hard, especially living in Hawaii, where everyone has to be a 9 or a 10 to even get noticed...

I look at myself sometimes and think I look decent... but I never get any compliments from friends... or ppl I don't know... yet I see everyone else atleast get some sort of complement..

I guess you're right though... screw what everyone else thinks...

[afterhourz]

Rofl, that was a joke... trust me.

[NeoSeminole]

if you want a girl, then never throw up a gang sign, or whatever the f*ck that was, again.

also, you looked best in this pic



after the advice I've given, you should be a pu$$y wrecking machine by now.

[afterhourz]

I just realized i look so damn serious in my pics... im like the exact opposite in RL... if you were to ask my friends who didnt take life seriously... they'd all point to me

[IndiReloaded]

9 or 10s to get noticed? I've been to Hawaii. The population distribution there is same as anywhere else I've been.

BTW, that photo Neo posted, I agree: you are the best looking of the bunch, the girl included.

[NeoSeminole]

by the way, LMAO @ the girl looking like porn star, Gianna Michaels

[ridden123]

What a wonderful story of how reliance on drugs changed your life for the better.

You guys are pathetic.

[afterhourz]

Lol, reliance of 'drugs'? I suggest you actually do some research on psychedelics before you look like a dumbass.

It's alright though, I used to be a 100% anti-drug airhead like you. Maybe one day, you'll see the bigger picture.
(oh, and I don't see anywhere in my post how I 'relied on drugs').

[shheadz]

You're a good looking guy.. potential heart-throb material for a lot of women. I would suggest you skip the running, and start hitting the weights. Right now you're TOO skinny. I went through the same thing.. I was fat all through my teen years, and finally lost the weight when I was 19. But I over did it. I was so fat-phobic that I tried to get as skinny as possible. The idea of putting on muscle turned me off, cause I didn't want to feel big in any way. But yeah.. You need to put on a little muscle. That in itself will help build your confidence, and make you more attractive.

I also went through similar problems when I was 20-21.. I was scoring with girls, but not getting into real relationships. They were one night stands, or bad month long relationships that should have remained one night stands. My advice is to relax, and don't take yourself too seriously like I did. You're going to send off a bad unapproachable vibe when you're not relaxing and enjoying yourself.

kms is right. Love finds you. You don't have to go looking for it. I've been really in love twice, and both times I just stumbled into it. The best you can do is start dating girls without any expectations for a relationship. Just have some fun, and everything will fall into place.

Lol, reliance of 'drugs'? I suggest you actually do some research on psychedelics before you look like a dumbass.

That reminds me.. It was my first acid trips when I was 18ish that changed my life. They opened my eyes, and I started making changes in my life. The biggest change being weight loss.