Hi guys, I'm really sorry this is going to be a very long post. But I need to let it out.
I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years now, and things are getting tough for me. It's my first "long" term relationship.
So I met her 4 years ago, and after just a year we moved in together. The first year was great, life was good, I wasn't too over worked, we had a lot of time together, and a lot of time apart, which was good for the relationship. When we moved in, my working hours changed, and for the last 3 years, I barely get to see her, even though we live together.
I feel like I've fallen out of love with her, and over the last month or so, I've been acting weird, and even told her I'm not sure this is right for me. We had some troubled times, arguments, chats, all of that, and discussed possible options on how to move forward. What we eventually ended up on, was that we're going to give the relationship 1 more shot. And since then I've been trying hard to please her, but I feel like she is getting ready to end the relationship, or getting ready for it to fail / for me to end it, because she's been more distant then I've ever known her.
I'm not a "romantic" - and don't suggest things like dinners / dates / cinema etc, but if she does, I'm happy to do them with her. Usually in our relationship, she will say "Let's do X on Saturday" - And I'll happily go with her, and we have a great time. Since we had the conversation, she hasn't been suggesting things anymore, and so trying to be true to my word of trying in the relationship, I am suggesting things (for a change ) - And she acts nonchalant about them, just saying things like "If you want" or "we can do", and doesn't seem too enthused about what I'm doing.
To try and keep this short, I'll leave out some of the finer details, but she's also started saying other things about moving her life forward. She worked alone in a store until very recently, and was saying to me the other day how she needs to find a job where she interacts with new people, and meets new people, has more friends, and enjoys her life more. She never thought about this before our chat. She was content with her work and with her friends.
Now, I'm not a massive fan of her friends, and we don't socialize, and the same is to be said between her and my mates. We seemingly have very little in common, and it feels more like a friendship than a relationship. We still have sex, but we don't really cuddle / kiss much any more, there isn't much loving attention, or anything like that.
To make things so overly complicated, I've fallen for a girl I work with. She has a partner, and I'm trying to keep her out of my mind while I resolve my relationship issues with my GF, but it's hard. After falling for this girl, I had convinced myself that my GF wasn't for me, because I didn't feel like I was treating her right, (emotionally, I'd never touch her physically) - and she deserves better than that, and she deserves someone to love her.
The thing is, I'm having second thoughts. I'm really torn. I feel like I need to get out of the relationship, I feel like I'm trapped, and I want to be able to spend time with this other girl (she also likes me, despite we're both in relationships) - But at the same time, I can't see my life without my GF. I just don't know how to know what's right. I'm scared that I leave her, and it's the wrong thing to do, and I screw up my chances due to some crazy thoughts that I've let roam around my head, but then I'm also worried that I stay with her and it's the wrong choice, and I waste more of my life with a girl I'm not in love with.
I really don't know what to do. And when I think about dumping her, my face kind of screws up and thinks... "no, what would I do without her".
I really need help. I've talked to my friends a bit about it, but not too in depth, but they don't seem to understand what I'm going through.
Thanks for reading, and I'll happily answer any questions.