Hey people,
Well everything was seemingly going great. Much like a Hollywood movie when the idealistic couple are living it up in the countryside with the dog and the sun out. Yesterday things abruptly ended.
Me and my girl were so into each other. We’d share so many admittedly mushy or goofy things, kiss each others noses, snuggle together, act like monkey’s and just completely be ourselves and not worry about censoring anything as there was just such a degree of comfort.
I learnt a lot about myself that I never knew was there. She took the courage to come to my place yesterday and tell me face to face, that she does not feel any chemistry toward me anymore. I have been suffering from separation anxiety lately when she went to University and have been very needy and clingy. She’s totally independent and strong minded. I am soppy, emotional with a huge heart and contrast to her in those ways. She does not like to talk about issues, she would rather bottle it up.
It feels like I’ve been stabbed in the chest. The pain when she told me, really was paralyzing and devastating. Perhaps embarrassingly I am 24, and this was my first relationship. I fell for this girl hard, and at first it seemed mutual. She seems to have just got bored of me.
I have to accept it… I cannot salvage something that isn’t reciprocal from her end. It breaks my heart because I am still so heavily invested and involuntarily in love. I want her to be happy ultimately, but above all else I want her to be happy with me.
I know I must suppress my feelings and get on with life – but it feels unnatural. I am trying my best to control my waterworks and compose myself but its ever so challenging. I already am ceasing contact, focusing on the other things I have in life and trying not to dwell. Sadly the anxiety has now adversely affected my eating, sleeping and just general mood in a life changing way already.
Ugh, reading back this sounds like such a generic sob story, I’m sorry – But it’s just nice to chat with others who are in similar situations I suppose.