my gf wont sleep with me.....

[alphadave]

hi all,
have been with my gf for like 2years. and have not had good sex for over a year..
she has depression and loads of issues about sex too many to list anyway.
we argued alot at first because i felt like it was just excuses. but after a year of it
were trying to work it out we have couples counciling and we talk alot.now i dont want to pressure her
but things arnt moving on .sometimes she trys it on with me and then half way through i try to touch her or get a bit passoinate
and she gos a bit weird, and seems like she doesnt want to do it so i stop because i feel terrible having sex with some one who doesnt totaly want it.
I dont know what to do because i have needs and there not being met
(when i say needs I mean feeling warm/loved/wanted/atractive/ i want her to feel passion for me as i do for her)
and yeah ok just sex aswell..
i love her so much but im in my 20s and have not had much sexual relations in the past ,im a good lookin guy
with a good body i work out and do fight classes so i could get some hot women if i wanted and the problem is
I do want it...i feel turned down and lonely and unatractive and unloved even though the problem is with her
i just really feel the need to be with someone in a sexual way and pleasure them so dont feel so useless and unwanted
but i dont want to cheat on my lover or leave her.
what should i do?
is it ok to sleep with some one else just once?

[alphadave]

i should mention i have tried alsorts
like buying her lingerie
singing /playing her a love song on acoustic guitar
taking her out for romantic meal
picnics/walks
talking
doing loads of stuff for her
doing what ever she wants all the time ect.....

[madotnw_nihs]

you got some viable options.

A: Cheat on her
B: break up and do your thing
C: Because you love her, you tough it out and spank the monkey.

I will strike A for obvious reasons. So it's between the other 2. Do you love her enough? Is it worth it? Only you can answer it.

[Insecurity]

Your only young for so long bro. You cant wait for her forever. Its pretty expected for you to satisfy each others needs in modern healthy relasonships. It may seem messed up, but you obviously arnt her cure if you've been with her 2 years and the problem isnt fixed. Cheers for holding out so long and the fun times you had with her. Time to move on.

[alphadave]

this is what keeps going round my head ,is she worth it? she can be very selfish sometimes and every things always about her and i think why should i wait?
why should i put up with her mood swings/insucuritys/slfishnes/moaning but on the other hand if i left her i would miss the cuddles on the sofa the morinings in bed talking and well the couple stuff

[doppelismyfriend]

This is one of the few times where rape becomes acceptable.

[RdHrshyKss]

that sucks. i feel for you. but it sounds like she's willing to try to work on things with you. going to counselling therapy is a good step. is she in therapy on her own? it sounds like she might have had some kind of serious negative history with sex. was she abused or raped? these kinds of things can take a decent amount of time for her to open up to, with lots of therapy and patience. she has to build up enough trust in you and herself to overcome it. if you really love her like you say you do, i'd stick it out awhile longer in therapy...and express to your therapist and her in a session about how you are feeling. how you are feeling is quite understandable, you should be very open about it.

if things don't change over a reasonable amount of time, the discussion about ending things should present itself. but really think about this. is it worth breaking up with her to go have sex with other girls? will you really be satisfied? or do you think that having patience might reap you a great reward? or do you not really see things working out in the long run? you are still young, you have time.

[madotnw_nihs]

this is what keeps going round my head ,is she worth it? she can be very selfish sometimes and every things always about her and i think why should i wait?
why should i put up with her mood swings/insucuritys/slfishnes/moaning but on the other hand if i left her i would miss the cuddles on the sofa the morinings in bed talking and well the couple stuff

By this answer, it seems you would be perfectly happy swapping her for another girlfriend. Ask yourself this, can you picture yourself cuddling and bed talk with another hottie?

[alphadave]

that sucks. i feel for you. but it sounds like she's willing to try to work on things with you. going to counselling therapy is a good step. is she in therapy on her own? it sounds like she might have had some kind of serious negative history with sex. was she abused or raped? these kinds of things can take a decent amount of time for her to open up to, with lots of therapy and patience. she has to build up enough trust in you and herself to overcome it. if you really love her like you say you do, i'd stick it out awhile longer in therapy...and express to your therapist and her in a session about how you are feeling. how you are feeling is quite understandable, you should be very open about it.

if things don't change over a reasonable amount of time, the discussion about ending things should present itself. but really think about this. is it worth breaking up with her to go have sex with other girls? will you really be satisfied? or do you think that having patience might reap you a great reward? or do you not really see things working out in the long run? you are still young, you have time.

she and the councilor knows how i feel,im trying to be really gentle with her so she opens up . i think she may have some kind of dark past or something though so it could take time i just need to see some progress so i know im not waisting my time
good advice there thanks.......i would love to have sex with other girls but it would only take some problems away and probably cause me more.....guilt ect... ill give a bit longer but if nothing happens she cant say i never tried

[alphadave]

By this answer, it seems you would be perfectly happy swapping her for another girlfriend. Ask yourself this, can you picture yourself cuddling and bed talk with another hottie?

i like your straight forward aproach i will bear it in mind further down the line if all goes not well

[alphadave]

This is one of the few times where rape becomes acceptable.

rape is never acceptable....wtf?

[RdHrshyKss]

rape is never acceptable....wtf?

don't worry, he means well

[alphadave]

were now seeing a sex councilor but dont know when were going to see them till 2 weeks time,it feels like forever!!!!!!

[RdHrshyKss]

good start, hang in there. stay grounded, don't think this sex counselor is going to solve all your problems. you both need to equally put in the effort to try to make things work. the sex counselor is only a tool to help you guys. good luck!

[hello1]

Do not cheat, it will make you look the bad guy in a alll this and she will come out looking the decent one. I know it is hard but leave her, a relationship needs sex and her not wanting it shows she's with the wrong guy. Maybe she's asexual