How to get girl back in non-romantic relationship

[theizz]

This is the best place I could find to post this. It's not a romantic relationship, but it is a break up. I'm a 29 year old guy and I've been in a band with a 19 year old girl for about the last 9 months. I write the music and she writes the vocals. She's a great vocalist and it took me several years of looking before I found her. Our goal was to play our music professionally, so we've been writing an album, and were planning on recording in a pro studio and then touring.

We've had a rocky background up to this point. The music turned out really well, but she hasn't been pulling her weight. For example, out of the 9 months we've been playing, she spent 3 either on vacation, or missing rehearsal to do misc stuff that came up (for school, being sick...). Also we split up some tasks. For example, I was supposed to work on our web site and she was supposed to hire a logo designer. Within a few days I had finished everything I was supposed to do, but it took her nearly 2 months of working on finding us a designer before I finally took over her task and got it done in about a week.

So since I didn't feel she was pulling her weight, I had a few talks with her. First I asked her very nicely to find some time to help out and to try to not miss so many days. When that didn't work I told her she needs to help out and that I can't do everything myself. And when that didn't work I basically threatened to call off the whole project unless she shaped up. So she became very upset because I was trying to control her and tell her what to do, but she agreed to try harder.

Well the other day she informed me she was offered a record deal for her solo material and that she wouldn't be able to be in the band any more. I was very offended and hurt because we've been working on this for the last 9 months together, not to mention I've been trying to get this project going myself for the last 4 years. This project is basically my whole life right now. I sent her an email saying (and I was being honest) if someone offered me a deal that involved ditching her I would have told them to f-off. I also called her a sell out and tried to make her feel bad about herself, and told her I was keeping the cash she gave me to record the album with. She got angry and told me a lot of the reason she's leaving is because I'm not easy to work with and she has to have her guard up around me. The record deal was just a catalyst.

I believed her that I'm difficult to work with, but I didn't know how else to handle the situation since she wasn't pulling her weight. So I sent her an apologetic email basically admitting that I'm difficult to work with and that I tried not to be. That if she would have told me she had a problem with something I was doing, I would have listened. I also told her I thought of her as a friend and am very sad that we won't be in a band together any more. She also apologized, said she still wanted to come pick up her gear, but that she just needed some time to think about what to do.

When she picked up her gear, I also gave her back the cash she gave me for recording the album. When I did, I told her I wanted her to come back and do the album with me, but that I understand if she doesn't, and that its my fault. She said its not my fault and that she'd email me within a couple weeks. Then before she left she asked for a hug. We've never hugged before, but we gave each other a very long and emotional hug and then she left.

I want her back. I like hanging out with her. This music project is my life, and it was a miracle I ever found a vocalist as good as her to begin with. If she leaves I feel like I may just give up, which would make the last 4 years of my life a total waste. What do I do?

[smackie9]

It's the nature of the beast in this business. People will come and go, there will be big fat egos getting in the way, fighting....you should know, have you not ever watched the movie "Spinal tap?" It's typical band crap. And ya people do move on, but hey keep looking for someone that is just as passionate with your project as you are. Obviously she wasn't.