Dating etiquette

[girl68]

news to me! If this girl (didn't read your history) said she isn't herself while exclusive- go for the date... weird though how she's not into exclusivity but claims she choose you?

[xxazurexx]

Yes, I'm CRAZY bat shit nuts... Right. I didn't know I wasn't allowed to think that after 3 weeks I'd apprciate some honesty. I mean a few dates in, no... but this isn't a few dates in this is 3 weeks.

Not only that, but we wouldn't want a dose of pox and if he was sleeping with anyone else.

I wanna know where else is his dick might be going - and if it's going in anything else other than me perhaps...bon voyage mate!

[xxazurexx]

Well, you're expecting things to be exclusive after 3 weeks without any sort of agreement about a relationship - you'd get mad otherwise. I think that's a little unreasonable.
I'm pretty honest when I'm dating, but I really don't see how it's a girl's business if I'm dating multiple women so long as we're not in an exclusive relationship. If asked, I would outright lie, knowing it would probably piss her off and maybe ruin my chances with her.

That's just the way the cookie crumbles.

It's my business and if you aren't being HONEST with me and putting me at risk of AIDS!!!!.....assuming you were banging me and them of course.

[xxazurexx]

Things are done sooo differently this side of the pond.

Indeed they are. Aren't you glad Qwertz...know I am

[TomerT]

news to me! If this girl (didn't read your history) said she isn't herself while exclusive- go for the date... weird though how she's not into exclusivity but claims she choose you?

She didn't claim anything explicitly...She just stopped seing the other guy and spending time with me now...May be as a "default", until she didn't find something better..
You can never know what in people head...

[girl68]

Honestly you nor her seem all that intrested in eachother! And after 3 weeks you're still wanting to date other people I really don't think you like her THAT much. Perhaps let her go?

[TomerT]

Honestly you nor her seem all that intrested in eachother! And after 3 weeks you're still wanting to date other people I really don't think you like her THAT much. Perhaps let her go?

First of all I am not holding anyone It's just we both single (available), have pretty much in common, attracting to each other - so we both asking ouselves "why not, why not give it a try?"
I do agree with you we both not sure if we really see each other in long term relationship...But still, we both human, both have feelings and I would not want to hurt my friend (yes, she was my platonic friend till recently) feelings and don't want to hurt myself...therefore try to act cautiously...

[MerryH]

I don't think it's reasonable to demand that you be absolutely 100% committed and exclusive and totally sure about someone after three weeks. How much can you really know someone after three weeks?

Tomer, this girl is dating other people too, she says she doesn't want a committed relationship right now. Go date other people.

[xxazurexx]

Tomer, this girl is dating other people too, she says she doesn't want a committed relationship right now. Go date other people. ....

I didn't read the thread correctly. If this ^^ is the case, then I'd dump her, date othersr and if she wants nothing committed and is seeing others.

If you are wanting 'committed', and she doesn't....waste of time. I'd move on.

[TomerT]

I don't think it's reasonable to demand that you be absolutely 100% committed and exclusive and totally sure about someone after three weeks. How much can you really know someone after three weeks?

Tomer, this girl is dating other people too, she says she doesn't want a committed relationship right now. Go date other people.

I do agree with you - this is what I would like to do..My initial question was (and still is) - how to do it without lying (is it possible ?) and hurting the girl I am currently seeing...
Seems to me those two are mutually exclusive - if I tell her the truth I will hurt her (may be she already sees us as a couple) and may loose her (like girl68 stated, she would let me free )..
If I (white) lie to her (or ommit the fact I am going to a date) - I will be a "lier and a cheater'...
So the question still is - what is the right (or the "smart") thing to do ?

[MerryH]

Yes, it's possible to do it without hurting the girl you're currently seeing. She just told you a few days ago that she "doesn't see herself in a committed relationship." To me, that's pretty clear that she's leaving it open for her to date around, which means that that's what you should be doing, too. But if you want to be absolutely certain, just ask her. Try something like, "Where are we right now? You said you didn't want a committed relationship, so does that mean you're dating other people? I just want to know where I stand."

But I'm still going with my original advice, which was "Just don't rub it in her face. If she asks about seeing you on Saturday, tell you you already have plans and try to leave it at that. If she pries further, tell her you're meeting up with a female friend. If she bugs out about it, then it's probably a good time to have another talk about this "committed relationship" deal."

[TomerT]

Yep, I will try to stick to this one...although it never goes as planned...
There is always a "right" way and a "smart" way - I think this solution is "smart" and fair...

[TomerT]

Latest developments: today, during the day we have exchanged emails, in one of which she mentioned something like "I like pancakes for breakfast... "
So, it seems to me that she sees herself staying overnight at my place someday soon...does it mean she sees us "in relationship" ?
On the other hand, I will not be surprised if she will go on a date... should I feel committed after her "breakfast statement" ?

[MerryH]

Tomer, you really overthink and obsess about things. She was flirting with you, that's all. Don't read into it.

[Take2]

Yeah, I don't think a comment about pancakes is sufficient to change the course of a relationship