How to Make the First Move

[trouble_sleepin]

Hey guys,

I've always been an extremely shy girl. I'm trying to get myself out there and meet new people, but it's proving to be a very intimidating task.

How do you think a girl should make the first move?

Also, I've never actually been hit on by a guy who wasn't drunk or high or middle-aged. Is there a reason for that? Are most guys actually shy? Or am I just sending out some kind of negative energy, since I'm trying to get over a long-term relationship?

[Gribble]

A lot of guys are shy, especially younger ones. And unfortunately shy guys get completely overlooked by women for the most part. Their loss.

However, there are enough guys out there who will make the first move that this shouldn't matter. How do you look? Post a pic if you're brave. Nobody smart going to insult you. Looks are just about everything for guys, so if you're a little overweight, if your hair isn't done right, or whatever, guys are going to overlook you. Good news is, you absolutely can be gorgeous if you're willing to invest a little time and effort. Otherwise, yes, you will need to be a bit more forward and you'll need to make the first move with the shy awkward guys.

[MadMardegan]

A lot of guys are shy, especially younger ones. And unfortunately shy guys get completely overlooked by women for the most part. Their loss.

However, there are enough guys out there who will make the first move that this shouldn't matter. How do you look? Post a pic if you're brave. Nobody smart going to insult you. Looks are just about everything for guys, so if you're a little overweight, if your hair isn't done right, or whatever, guys are going to overlook you. Good news is, you absolutely can be gorgeous if you're willing to invest a little time and effort. Otherwise, yes, you will need to be a bit more forward and you'll need to make the first move with the shy awkward guys.

Can't speak for every guy out there but I can tell you from personal preferance that looks aren't the most important thing.

[Gribble]

I call bullshit, but maybe you're that 1% of the male population that's the odd man out.

I bet if you're an attractive guy you've had nothing but attractive girlfriends, though.

[girl68]

You'll have to give us some context. Are you in school? Is he your friend?

[MadMardegan]

I call bullshit, but maybe you're that 1% of the male population that's the odd man out.

I bet if you're an attractive guy you've had nothing but attractive girlfriends, though.

Well, you can call bullshit as much as you like but I know what's important to me.

I'll admit, a pretty face goes a long way, but with the right personality and a good attitude is what really makes or breaks it for me.

There's no way for me to write it without it sounding umbelievable. When I tell people in everyday life they don't believe me. It makes me realise how superficial everyone is these days and that's not who I am. Also makes me think that I'll never find that one person who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I'm an extremely monogomous person.
I'm 20 years old but I'm not a kid. Suppose you could say I'm an old head on young shoulders.

Don't know where I'm going with this to be honest...

[trouble_sleepin]

Well, thanks guys for all the input!

@girl68: Actually, yeah, I spend about 80% of my time commuting back and forth to college. I'm not after any guy in particular, I was just wondering how to really get out there.

@Gribble: As for posting up a pic, I have to admit, I don't know if I'll be brave enough to for that just yet. Okay, I'll admit it. I'm overweight. So is 75% of the American population. But I'm workin on that, and I actually appreciate your honesty so thank you very much.

@MadMardegan: I really hope you're not part of a minority. Guys like you reaffirm women's faith in the male species. I know looks are a big factor in meeting people. No matter how much stock you really put into people's looks, regardless, that's probably the first place you'll get your impression from. I know for me, looks aren't important either. No, I'm not saying that because I'm a chubby girl.

...I'm actually starting to realize, it'll probably be better if I post a picture of myself. I'll try and post a picture by this weekend.

But ideally, how would you guys want a girl to come up to you? What would you want to hear? A cheap pick-up line? An attempt at small talk?

[Gribble]

Place your hand on my arm and look into my eyes while we're talking. Smile and look away first. Don't approach me and ask me out. Invite me to ask you out through your body language. Some guys will still be too afraid, some will be oblivious, others flat out won't be interested. Still, I think that's your best approach. With nerdier guys you might try being a bit more forward. Suggest going out for coffee or something equally minor.

Most of all, lose that excess weight. Please. It's really very easy to do once you get started. The first week is a pain, but when you check the scale and see you've actually lost weight it becomes a whole lot easier. Think what you will, but we're all superficial creatures. Unattractive people dream of beautiful people discovering how wonderful they are beneath the surface. They don't fantasize about meeting an equally unattractive person. Don't let people fill your head with hot air about superficiality. It's all crap. Physical attraction is every bit as important as anything else. There are good, deep people out there looking for someone they connect with AND find physically attractive, and there's nothing wrong with that.

[trouble_sleepin]

Place your hand on my arm and look into my eyes while we're talking. Smile and look away first. Don't approach me and ask me out. Invite me to ask you out through your body language. Some guys will still be too afraid, some will be oblivious, others flat out won't be interested. Still, I think that's your best approach. With nerdier guys you might try being a bit more forward. Suggest going out for coffee or something equally minor.

Most of all, lose that excess weight. Please. It's really very easy to do once you get started. The first week is a pain, but when you check the scale and see you've actually lost weight it becomes a whole lot easier. Think what you will, but we're all superficial creatures. Unattractive people dream of beautiful people discovering how wonderful they are beneath the surface. They don't fantasize about meeting an equally unattractive person. Don't let people fill your head with hot air about superficiality. It's all crap. Physical attraction is every bit as important as anything else. There are good, deep people out there looking for someone they connect with AND find physically attractive, and there's nothing wrong with that.

That's very true... and realistic. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks!

[Gratedwasabi]

Make eye contact with a guy. Hold it and keep looking even if he looks away. Smile.

That alone will pay dividends. If I just see a girl I think is cute, whether it's at a coffee shop, book store, walking on the street, the first thing I do is try to make eye contact and smile. If they don't look away and smile back, it gives me the courage to go up to them and say something. I will never, EVER, approach a girl that won't smile at me. Why? Because even a shy girl will usually, on instinct, smile back if she thinks I'm at all attractive. She might immediately look away and blush or whatever, but a smile shows interest.

Conversely, if ANY girl looks at me and smiles without prompting I'll usually at least make conversation.