Dating etiquette

[TomerT]

Frankly, first of all I am not sure if I want any "serious" relationship right now. Read my first few threads on this forum to get the idea why...
Not because I am not completely over my previous xgf, I really am. But I do not want to be burn so hard..or in any different way... again...
The experience took too much toll from me....So it's not related to this specific girl...
Secondly, I do like her - but probably not enough to fully commit myself, especially if I currently have other unexplored options....
and apparently, surprisingly to me, after my last break up - I see that there are girls that interested in me...Probably I was "too blind" even to notice it then...

[girl68]

How old are u?

[TomerT]

me 33, she 35. Does it make a big difference ?

[girl68]

Not really but I was suspecting younger

[TomerT]

we both look and feel younger - that's for sure
But seriously, at this age both of us would like 'to settle down'...
We both want stability ... therefore so hesitant not to 'waste' each other emotional energy and time..
We both have bad previous experiences..

[girl68]

Right, I still think you're kind of stringing her along- not totally since you've been honest. But you're either failing to read between the lines or you really just don't care becuase you're taking her word over what you (and we) think she actually feels.

By inbetween the lines I mean she wants you to date exclusively only her and you don't want to. She SAYS she's okay with that, but I don't think she truely is.

[reeba]

See why you shouldn't tell her? Crazy girls get angry even though there's no commitment. Nothing wrong with a little white lie. I'm not advocating cheating... but you do need to figure out what's happening... usually people have that stuff figured out by 3 weeks.

Anyway, I'm glad you're dating other girls now.

lol doppelgaenger. why are you telling him to lie if you think what he is doing is OK?

if he values the friendship he will tell her about wanting to date others, not lie to her so he can leave his options open. they were frineds first but probably wont be after if he gets caught fibbing.

AND if he wants her to even consider dating him in the future, he better not lie to her. if she ever finds out that he lied, there will be serious trust issues in the future.

TomerT, girls are more emotional than guys when it comes to physical stuff. she might be thinking mutually exclusive already since she might be thinking you are a good guy....or is she mistaken that you aren't a good guy. And how would you feel if the roles were reversed, and if you found out she was messing around with several other guys while doing the same with you? Would you respect her after fidning out?

[TomerT]

TomerT, girls are more emotional than guys when it comes to physical stuff. she might be thinking mutually exclusive already since she might be thinking you are a good guy....or is she mistaken that you aren't a good guy. And how would you feel if the roles were reversed, and if you found out she was messing around with several other guys while doing the same with you? Would you respect her after fidning out?

Yes, I do consider myself as a "good guy"...But even "good guys" have right of choice, aren't they ?
I told her - that it is OK with me if she going to a date...and actually she didn't like this, saying that it proves that I am not serious about her...
The only thing I asked her is to tell me about it...and if needs a ride I will even drive her there...

Now, what do you meant by "messing around" ? I know for sure - that I will not touch (in any way) two girls at the same time...
But what's wrong with innocent date (drink or movie for example)...Is it bad to look for the "best currently possible match" ?

[Boisdevie]

Why should it be so complicated. If you care for someone then you do not have to talk about being exclusive - you just are. My GF never asked me to be exclusive and I've never asked her - we just are exclusive for each other. It's not rocket science. If you truly care for your partner you do not date elsewhere or **** around. Because if you do what does that say about your relationship?

[TomerT]

You are right, but in my case there are no relationship...yet...
We just like each other and both not sure if really want to take it to "another level'...

[Take2]

Why should it be so complicated. If you care for someone then you do not have to talk about being exclusive - you just are. My GF never asked me to be exclusive and I've never asked her - we just are exclusive for each other. It's not rocket science. If you truly care for your partner you do not date elsewhere or **** around. Because if you do what does that say about your relationship?

I think that is a bad approach, actually. Communication is key. I may care deeply and feel that means I want to be exclusive. My mate may care deeply and feel that means he wants to be exclusive. But until we discuss and agree to that fact, we have no right to just expect particular behavior from each other! This is a pretty simple conversation to have, and avoiding talking about this does not bode well for the future of a relationship. Neither does setting a precedent of expecting each other to read minds and just "know." If you can't talk about your feelings and expectations, what does THAT say about your relationship?