Do nice guys really finish last???

[DBatista9]

Hello all:

I just wanted to get an overall opinion from a mix of people. Growing up, i was always told that i'm such a nice, good kid and it honestly drove me crazy more and more as i got older. In the meantime throughout high school, i watched as a lot of my friends, the one's w/ the badass attitudes were getting some pretty smiooking hot girls around them, while my female success was limited.when i got to college, i stepped back and analyzed why it was and realized that being the "nice guy" probably wasn't cutting it for me and then i really made it a point to come across w/ more of a cocky, arrogant attitude and not being so nice. I started hitting the gym religiously and liftinng to help w/ my confidence and i become more and more eager for confrontations w/ people, and even provoking fights & bar fights at parties around campus and at bars. I tried to become the badass as much as i knew how to and i noticed that girls would at least pay attention to me more now b/c i guess i was more interesting for them.....fast forward a few years down the line and i'm in my late 20's now trying to progress a career and the fact that i can't seem to hold on to a relationship for a very long period of time and the feedback i get from a lot of my relationships is that i'm as stubborn as a mule and i have a bit of an ego problem and that i could listen better. I'm starting to wonder if maybe i should make an attempt to be more like i was back in middle school and high school and be more of the nice guy w/ girls again.....what do u think?? Am i better off playing the cocky, arrogant badass card w/ a good side to him deep down or going back to being more of the "nice guy" and less of a badass??

[MerryH]

Which one is the real you? Stick with that one.

But. If the real you is the guy who is eager for confrontation and picks fights with people, you need to grow out of that. That shit is way unattractive. And I'm pretty sure women in your age group or women who date men in your age group would not find the "badass" attractive.

[DBatista9]

I'm really a good-hearted, considerate, caring, genuinely nice guy......however if you dare cross me or try to take advantage of the kindness, I can turn in a heartbeat and be pretty vicious, but only b/c I feel that you initiated the confrontation and I'm just getting even and proving that you're not gonna 1 up me or get the better of me. The saying "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness" definitly applies to me. I do agree that the days of me trying to play the Macho, "Don't F*ck w/ me....I dont give a f*ck who you are" attitude have to be put the rest for good b/c it'll just lead to problems. I have a very lethal combination of German/Latin (Argentinian)/Irish/French blood all mixed!! All cultures are known for their short fuses and hot tempers, w/ the exception of maybe the French, who are known to just be arrogant assholes which maybe even worse....lol!!

[warriormaiden]

If the real you is a sweet guy, don't be ashamed to show it.

I used to be REALLY in to the mysterious, edgy dark sensual macho kind of dudes. And then I grew up, and realized that a sweet nice, honest man is fifty million times better than some arrogant douche.
Sounds like you just need to relax, and get back to basics.

[TheTooya]

tl;dr

But, the mentality of "nice guys finish last" is false. Instead, its "human doormats finish last."

The guys that let everyone else walk over them are nice guys that are door mats. THEY, are the ones that finish last.

[Kama]

I myself was a macho and always loved bullying girls and I was even beaten several times in my confrontations with a gang. I learned later on I have to give up on that all and I am now a different person and a good lover and live life with love and compassion and it is something really you need to patch up when you realize

[Mish]

"Nice Guy" these days can mean a whole range of different things to a whole range of different people, the problem I think is that too many people use the word without realizing that it can be interpretted differently depending on the person who reads it. I think more clairifcaiton of what you mean when you say you're a nice guy is needed.

[originalsince85]

Hi
I didn't read all of the responses are all of your post in honesty, but I knew exactly where you were coming from for the few lines that i did read.

I have struggled with the same thought. I got screwed over badly earlier this year, but because I'm Mr.Nice Guy i let it happen again and again... I wondered how the world can go on being so harsh when I'm always playing the nice card. My boss has in fact said several times im the nicest person he's met and joked he wants his little son to spend time with me so he grows up as nice as me!

When you're a guy being mr nice can seem like a pansy thing, ok its nice that people think youre nice, but most of the time you get walked all over.

So i asked myself, should i butch up and tell people where to stick it?? Well I did start sticking up for myself a ittle more, not being nasty, just being straight with people. I'm still a nice guy, i just tyr not to get walked on as much.

And even still being mr nice guy I found the love of my life, and she loves me for the way i am so loving and caring, and said shes never met someone so caring. she loves that about me.

so what im saying is... still be a ncie guy, just dont let people walk over you so much, if you start standing up youll be surprised the positive things that start happening....but being a nice guy wont stop good things from happening, i dont feel like ive lost out at all. in fact being mr nice guy has landed me first place with my girl.... so in short...

No, nice guys don't finish last.

peace
xx

[sadie_genie]

Depends on what you are looking for. Bad ass may catch attention and bring you some flings. But I would only want to stay in a relationship with a guy who treats me well.

[IncognitoSir]

To be honest, nice guys finish first.......just later down the road. A few years ago, I also came to the conclusion that nice guys finish last. Later I realized I was attracted to girls who didn't want a nice guy, they wanted a douche bag for a bf. When I begin to meet older, experienced more mature women who had been down that road, I realized what a prized possession I was and always will be. Nice guys are hard to come by and you don't have to be a doormat to be one. I'm one of the nicest guys you'll meet, but believe me, I don't take any shit from anyone! LOL Embrace your nice guy mentality, after all, it's you!

[damn2010]

Younger, more immature ladies are always attracted to initial douchebaggery.

It was said best that just DON'T be a doormat and be HONEST with yourself, if a girl is not going to like you for YOU, it's not meant to be. Girls can be f'n picky and don't realize some things until its either TOO late or they judge TOO early.

Just figure out who you really are and start being that. I had a friend who dated a very attractive girl through the tail-end of college and afterwards. On the outside, he looked like a bad-ass. Tattoos, piercings, muscles, etc. and a little bit of that edgy attitude. But in truth, he was a NICE guy who was always respectful and loyal to his friends and everything. They were together for a while but later on when she found out he was really this nice guy and not a douchebag, she dumped him.

He was devastated and it took a couple of months. Now look at it..he's engaged to be married to a new girl who appreciates him for him and she's still dating douchebags.

[Boisdevie]

I'm a nice guy and have no problems finding partners. Perhaps because I"m 46 and women in my age group really appreciate a nice guy - not some macho asshole.
Oh and thanks for your comment about the French - my partner is French. Perhaps your problem is that you shoot off your ****ing mouth without engaging your ****ing brain. Does that make you an arrogant asshole?

[IncognitoSir]

I'm a nice guy and have no problems finding partners. Perhaps because I"m 46 and women in my age group really appreciate a nice guy - not some macho asshole.
Oh and thanks for your comment about the French - my partner is French. Perhaps your problem is that you shoot off your ****ing mouth without engaging your ****ing brain. Does that make you an arrogant asshole?

lol, really not that serious guy...

[Gratedwasabi]

Guys that refer to themselves as "badass" finish last. It's a fact.