Does my ex want me back?

[sadlady]

Hi guys
I am new to this site and absolutely desparate for some advice on what to do about my ex boyfriend...
We were together for 13 months, generally very happy.We NEVER argued about anyting.The one concern I had was that we never really discussed the future.Silly to worry about that so early in a relationship, I know, but I am 31 and he is 35 so I would like to know where a relationship is going.Anyway, when I tried to discuss it he gave me very vague answers about being worried about commitment because of his ex before me (she messed him around a lot).One night I insisted we discuss it and we ended up breaking up, his decision but I went along with it.Well, that was 8 weeks ago and we have been in contact since.Initially, he text me constantly to see how I was doing etc.Then he started making excuses to see me.We have seen each other every weekend since we broke up (except this weekend), doing things like buying tyres for my car, going out for dinner for my birthday,last weekend we slept together....We text about every 2 days during the week.He has told me many times that he may have made a mistake in breaking up with meand that he still has very strong feelings for me but we diidnt discuss getting back together.There was no talk of meeting up this weekend but he did mention being swamped with work.I'm just wondering if I am wasting my time hoping for this guy to change his mind?I dont think its a FWB situation as we have only slept together twice in 8 weeks but have seen each other alot.When we are together he holds my hand, kisses me etc as if we are still acouple.Please help me, I am so sad and confused.....

[Regnent]

If you have a problem with his lack of direction, and it bothers you, it doesn't matter if he wants you back.

Like you say, you're 31, and looking for a path to follow. If he hasn't hit that point in his life, you're setting yourself up for alot of undue frustration.
He might step up, he might not. Are you willing to wait? Are you prepared to take that risk?

Make yourself a list of the 3 most important things for -you-. Not a relationship, not in a partner, but for you.
If your ex interferes with any of them, you're probably best moving on.

[sadlady]

Thank you Regnent for taking the time to reply> What you have said makes absolute sense.My question really, I guess, is do you think my ex is still inetersted in having a relationship with me?

[Regnent]

Eh, people make mistakes all the time, maybe he does regret breaking up. If you're not humping like bunnies, I really can't say he's just keeping you around for booty.

Sounds like he's having trouble making up his mind due to his ex. He might be interested, but like I said, you need to make some calls on this. A year is not too soon to get some idea of a commitment. This isn't highschool, and I suspect you're not just looking to get laid, or have a BFF with benefits. If you are serious about building a future, talk to him about it. Don't let him remain undecided.

Ask him outright, is he interested in giving it another go?
If he says yes, then -tell- him you need some level of commitment, or commitment goal. Not on the spot, but he needs to have an idea in some reasonable amount of time.
If he says he's not sure, or he still has reservations, then again, -tell- him he needs to figure it out by some reasonable amount of time.

He'll either come through, continue to flutter, or bail.

[sadlady]

That sounds very reasonable! Thank you so much

[meshulam]

sounds like your ex want you, but don't want to commit (a known men issue) i think you have two choices:

1. keep on like this for life.
2. tell him you love him and want him but you don't want to have half of him, he need to make up his mind: all or nothing.

he is 35, he is not a boy, he can't both have you and feel single at the same time, once he'll understand that, he will make the right choice
and if he won't, i think you deserve someone who will.

[sadlady]

Thank you! That's what I've been thinking too, commitment seems to terrify him. I will talk to him and tell him how I feel and hopefully I'll get the love of my life back. If not I'll move on and hopefully find someone who will commit to me.