How can I win her back

[yusuo]

Hmm, just want to ask a question.

I'm still in love with my ex girlfriend, we havent been together for over a month now.

Things well are kinda complicated so im going to try and simplify it, basically we split up after a year and a half for the pure reason that I felt everything was more important than my son and her, I never spent anytime with them and spent most of my time playing around on the internet, when I did converse with them I was as she described as a “switch” and threw a temper whenever they got in my way. e.g I would flip if I was doing something on the pc and my son was being naughty. Except I over done thins and went all out punishment and got to the point that my son was simply scared that he would get a smack if he done anything wrong. Hes 3 ½ and yes I know this is terrible behaviour on my part but I didnt see the problem.
I would flip at my ex for any reason as well, it never got physical but I can honestly say I was evil.
Also I had a terrible habit of lying, even about stupid things, I was just worried on how she would react to certain small things. She often caught me out, giving her the impression I didnt trust her.

Anyways we split up the day before Bonfire night, things didnt end nicely, I threatened to expose a lot of things that had happened to her in the past that I was told in confidence and said a lot of hurtful things, in the end she booted me out and went over her mums.
Locked out and in fear of desperation I smashed the front door window though trying to get into the house so I has somewhere warm to sleep.

This freaked her out understandably. Stupidly after that I done a lot of small things. As im good with pc's I broke into her facebook, ebay and email accounts and gave her dodgy phonecalls just so could hear her voice, for 2 reasons curiosity at what she was upto and just to see if I could. Obviously her family know about all of this and all hate me now. Her brother and dad are out for my blood and I cant blame them

We didnt talk or see each other for 2 weeks after that, mainly because she reported me for the window and part of my bail conditions were to leave her and my son alone.

We started talking again and I started reminiscing on where we went wrong with her, She still at this point still didnt want to see me and me meeting up was more for the benefit of my son.

After a further week and a half of reminiscing and me being a little over possessive I backed off and done what she asked me to, only contact if its to do with my son.

Now over the last few nights ive been getting phone calls from her just general talk which I thought wasnt going to happen, im doing a few small favours for her and she is for me in return.

They came over my new house tonight and we all ended up watching tv, my son sat in his chair watching the simpsons, while me and her were on the bed.

Nothing happened, I just gave her a massage for like an hour on the lower part of her back, I was kinda being flirty and stroking her hair, feeling the inside of her leg and while I was massaging going a little too far down. She only called me on grabbing her ass twice but it wasnt angry it was like “do you mind” in a non serious way.

Basically what my question is, is I really love this girl and I mean really, I've learnt my ways and im determined not to let the past repeat itself, I love my son and I miss the family life and watching him grow up daily, especially around christmas time. Anyways I dont know whether to fight for her cause I so badly want that life, or do I just give up. Also whats the best approach to take. I have her number but ive been told i cant text her unless its about my son

[yusuo]

I'm still in love with my ex girlfriend, we havent been together for over a month now.

Things well are kinda complicated so im going to try and simplify it, basically we split up after a year and a half for the pure reason that I felt everything was more important than my son and her, I never spent anytime with them and spent most of my time playing around on the internet, when I did converse with them I was as she described as a “switch” and threw a temper whenever they got in my way. e.g I would flip if I was doing something on the pc and my son was being naughty. Except I over done thins and went all out punishment and got to the point that my son was simply scared that he would get a smack if he done anything wrong. Hes 3 ½ and yes I know this is terrible behaviour on my part but I didnt see the problem.
I would flip at my ex for any reason as well, it never got physical but I can honestly say I was evil.
Also I had a terrible habit of lying, even about stupid things, I was just worried on how she would react to certain small things. She often caught me out, giving her the impression I didnt trust her.

Anyways we split up the day before Bonfire night, things didnt end nicely, I threatened to expose a lot of things that had happened to her in the past that I was told in confidence and said a lot of hurtful things, in the end she booted me out and went over her mums.
Locked out and in fear of desperation I smashed the front door window though trying to get into the house so I has somewhere warm to sleep.

This freaked her out understandably. Stupidly after that I done a lot of small things. As im good with pc's I broke into her facebook, ebay and email accounts and gave her dodgy phonecalls just so could hear her voice, for 2 reasons curiosity at what she was upto and just to see if I could. Obviously her family know about all of this and all hate me now. Her brother and dad are out for my blood and I cant blame them

We didnt talk or see each other for 2 weeks after that, mainly because she reported me for the window and part of my bail conditions were to leave her and my son alone.

We started talking again and I started reminiscing on where we went wrong with her, She still at this point still didnt want to see me and me meeting up was more for the benefit of my son.

After a further week and a half of reminiscing and me being a little over possessive I backed off and done what she asked me to, only contact if its to do with my son.

Now over the last few nights ive been getting phone calls from her just general talk which I thought wasnt going to happen, im doing a few small favours for her and she is for me in return.

They came over my new house tonight and we all ended up watching tv, my son sat in his chair watching the simpsons, while me and her were on the bed.

Nothing happened, I just gave her a massage for like an hour on the lower part of her back, I was kinda being flirty and stroking her hair, feeling the inside of her leg and while I was massaging going a little too far down. She only called me on grabbing her ass twice but it wasnt angry it was like “do you mind” in a non serious way.

Basically what my question is, is I really love this girl and I mean really, I've learnt my ways and im determined not to let the past repeat itself, I love my son and I miss the family life and watching him grow up daily, especially around christmas time. Anyways I dont know whether to fight for her cause I so badly want that life, or do I just give up. Also whats the best approach to take. I have her number but ive been told i cant text her unless its about my son

[MerryH]

I don't think you can claim that you've truly changed. You've only started behaving in a respectable manner for about, what, a few days now? You're convinced that you're not going to let the past repeat itself, but after being so selfish and so terrible to the people you were supposed to love, how can you trust yourself not to fall back into the same patterns as before?

After what you've put her and your son through, you should do the right thing and leave her alone. Be unselfish for once and allow her to move on from this because it's the best thing for her.

[VincenzoG91]

If your son wasn't in the middle of this, I would say that you shouldn't bother, because you have done so many horrible things. But since your son is in this, it's worth the effort for you to try to stay in their lives, IF you are willing to do some serious self-improvement.

You absolutely need to take an anger management class or meet with a therapist, so you can learn about your anger and how to handle it. Find out the roots of your anger and confront them, or at least learn the things that set you off and develop strategies to avoid and manage your anger. Get regular exercise, but try to focus on more aerobic exercise and less lifting. Stop thinking in terms of violence, like "fight for her" and try to frame issues in a more civilized paradigm, like "win back her trust."

And some of your past actions were so extreme and irrational, I'm wondering if you have a drinking problem, or some other form of substance abuse. If so, get treatment for that, too. And try to take care of all of these issues before spending much time around your loved ones.

You may feel like you've already learned your lesson, but I don't think that you've done enough yet. What are you going to do the next time that you get frustrated or even angry? What if it's a simple misunderstanding, but you overreact and do something that can never be undone? Get some help now, before it's too late.

Sorry if this all sounds judgmental, but I once faced a choice between love and anger. My girlfriend told me that I needed to take an anger management class or she would break up with me. I didn't hit her, but I lost my temper and verbally abused her on a couple of occasions, and also scared her. I was resentful about taking the anger management class, but it turned out to be a very positive experience that not only saved my relationship but also my career. That was in 2004, and we're still together. It did take her a couple of years to completely forgive me and trust me again, but since that point, things have been getting better and better.