What do you do in this kind of situation...?

[Indestructible]

I changed my mind, you should definitely tell her that you violated her privacy.

No offense, but do you really have to keep beating me over the head with the fact that I violated her privacy? I understand what I did, and I understand that it's not right to do that, in general. But it's not like I've always "snooped" on her, it's not like I've always violated the privacy of everyone I've gotten close to, and it's not even like I purposely intended to keep "snooping" repetitively after that first time. It was a rude thing for me to do. I get it. I'm not trying to justify what I did, or claim that I was in the right for doing what I did. I let my curiosity get the better of me, and got sucked into something I wish I hadn't. I just don't see the point in constantly reminding me about what I did; there is a bigger issue, here, after all.

[RdHrshyKss]

Merry...i'm not really sure what stance you are trying to take. he shouldn't have snooped, but what's done is done. he can't go back into time, so you pushing your point over and over, while ignoring the simple fact that his mother has put him in an awful position, isn't really helpful here. i agree that he shouldn't have gone into her private messages, but it seems as though his initial concerns for looking at them in the first place have ended up being justified. his mother is being deceitful and now that he's brought to light the negativity that her behavior is causing at home, i think it gives him even more of a reason to call her out on it. stop giving his mother the benefit of the doubt in this situation...she is the one in the wrong. if she hadn't have been sneaking around as she has been, him snooping wouldn't have turned into anything at all.

to the OP, your mother is projecting the guilty feelings she is having on you. she probably knows that you are onto her, which is why she has probably been on edge with you lately. it makes a lot of sense to me. she is your mother, and you need to respect her...but don't let her manipulate situations to try to cover herself. she keeps bringing this guy up because she is trying so hard to convince you guys that there's nothing there. but she's shooting herself in the foot because talking so much about him would definitely raise eyebrows. if he's weird, why is she talking to him still? she's digging her own grave so to speak. i'd approach her, tell her that you know what's going on and that she needs to cut contact with this guy. tell her the reason why you snooped on her private messages in the first place. i know she'll probably do what you say, try to shift the blame onto you to get the conversation off of her, but suck it up. take whatever she throws your way and bring the conversation back on topic. if she is having issues with your father, then she needs to communicate them and try to work on them...not go sneaking around/flirting with some other guy. it's extremely selfish. i've never been married and i'm 25, so i have no understanding of what goes on in a long marriage. i understand that issues arise that may tempt someone to do what she is doing...but only the really selfish/self-centered ones actually act out on those temptations. i really think you should talk to her about this. it's going to be rough, but tough it out. pretending like you don't know what's going on will only eat at you.

[Gratedwasabi]

I always kind of laugh when people suddenly act like "snooping" is worse than an affair. *GASSSSP1!!!!!!* "YOU READ HER TEXTS/EMAIL!?!? YOU'RE A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING. WHO CARES IF SHE IS TAKING SOME OTHER GUY'S DICK! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL."

Snooping is bad, sure, but when it uncovers shit like that.. good. Affair > reading a "private email" (nothing on the internet or phone is private, anyone at any time can gain access if they really want to.)

[MerryH]

How am I pushing my point over and over any more than you are? I posted my opinion, OP replied by justifying his shitty behavior with a poor excuse, I called him on it. That was that. Now you and the OP are pissed because I used the words "violated her privacy"? Or are you pissed because I'm basically agreeing with you, that he should tell his mother?

I am not ignoring the opinion (NOT fact) that his mother put him in an awful position, I just don't agree with that. I don't think she is in the wrong (in regards to her dealings with her son.) I don't think he was right in snooping just because his mother mentioned a man.

stop giving his mother the benefit of the doubt in this situation...she is the one in the wrong..

Please do not tell me how to think or behave just because you don't agree with what I'm saying.

[MerryH]

I always kind of laugh when people suddenly act like "snooping" is worse than an affair.

You're being ridiculous. Nobody here said that.

[RdHrshyKss]

Now you and the OP are pissed because I used the words "violated her privacy"? Or are you pissed because I'm basically agreeing with you, that he should tell his mother?

don't put words in my mouth. i never said i was pissed. i just didn't see your reasoning for pushing this "invading her privacy" bit so hard. you agreed with me suggesting he talk to her, but for a completely different reason...so we don't really agree there.

I am not ignoring the opinion (NOT fact) that his mother put him in an awful position, I just don't agree with that. I don't think she is in the wrong (in regards to her dealings with her son.) I don't think he was right in snooping just because his mother mentioned a man.

well we can agree to disagree there. i think his mother is in the wrong. the situation the OP mentioned which triggered him to look at her messages was something that i myself would probably check up on if i truly cared about my own mother. his mother described this man asking her for nude pictures. really? that wouldn't irk you? that some random man is asking your married mother for nude pictures? i'd be concerned...not necessarily about my mother, but by this man who is coming onto her.

Please do not tell me how to think or behave just because you don't agree with what I'm saying.

will do. should have worded it differently...my apologies.

[MerryH]

don't put words in my mouth.

I didn't. Those were questions. I really don't feel I pushed it that hard (after my initial post in here - it was harsh, yes) and I was confused about why you were coming after me.

well we can agree to disagree there.

Personally, I agreed to disagree with you when I first read your posts in here. I really didn't feel the need to single you out and tell you how wrong I thought you were.

[MerryH]

Let's be pals.

[Ryan Heitzman]

Why do you constantly argue with everyone, Merry. Just take things easy.

[MerryH]

Despite your 283 posts, Ryan, you have not been here long enough to know how I "constantly" act. As a matter of fact, I think this is the first time I've been in a back-and-forth "argument" on this forum.

Edit: An argument that I'm not trying to continue, by the way.

[Ryan Heitzman]

Okay whatever. How do you know how many posts I have?

I said that because you get on my nerves sometimes about stuff. You have good insights but I really don't appreciate it when you say certain things.

[MerryH]

Because it says so right on each of your posts (upper right.)

I know why you said that and I know you haven't liked a lot of what I've said to you. Why don't you go into a thread where I actually said something TO YOU that got on your nerves and talk to me about it there. No need to dogpile me in an unrelated thread.

[Ryan Heitzman]

I'm not neccesarily dogpiling you. I will tell you exactly what I mean Merry.

I ask why your sassy to me and you said because you need it. To hell I do. I deserve respect just like everyone else on here.

For the love of God stop doing that to me. I'm done.

[MerryH]

Ryan. Talk to me about this in the thread where you called me sassy. I will be happy to talk to you about it there.

**** it. Pm me, if you want to confront me about this.

[Ryan Heitzman]

I pmed you Merry. What are you waiting for?