Life after depression - how to make a step?

[mirzahat]

I'm 29 years old and I lived for many years with a
moderate depression that bothered me for a long time.
It started with a school trauma that I
experienced when I was about 15. I started to stutter
and it led to many many embarrassments in school.

The result of this was toxic shame. I started to
live more and more isolated as a teenager just to
avoid further humiliation.

It took me a long time just to realize that I suffered
from toxic shame and that I used a loooot of defensive
mechanisms just to avoid humiliations, such as denial,
rage, boredom etc.

Slowely I got rid of that and my life is now almost
complete. It took a lot of patience, love and decication
to regain the self respect that I was lacking.

I cannot say that there weren't some nice moments
during my time of depression, but I did led a life
of avoidance and limiting and its pretty painful
to know now that I did not lived the life to the
fullest.

I never filled my void during depression with alcohol
or other substances, but I did fill the void with
a driving ambition in certain areas of life like sports.
I practiced way to hard, but failed to showcase my skills
in sports because of my shame. In other cases, when
I felt empty, I filled the void with hard work
(which was not necessary and when other people went out
and had fun)

One of the things I missed as a depressed is simply fun
and more intimate relationships.

Now as my depression is gone and I have a more and more
healthy selfrespect, I also would like to start a new
relationship.

Yes, its true, I never had a true intimate relationship.
I was always a mistery to my peers because a relatively
good looking guy like me does not have a relationship.

All my relationships ended with friendships and the girls
that tries to get close to me described me as a "great person,
but very inapproachable"

My question now is:

I have a lot of fear starting a new relationship because
I fear that the new person will abandon me quickly when I
tell the truth that I was a depressed person.

I fear the common responses that may be spread about me like
"freak", "geek", "weardo" etc.

Is my fear exaggerated?

Regards,
M

[SelflessnHumble]

I'm 29 years old and I lived for many years with a
moderate depression that bothered me for a long time.

I can definitely relate to your experiences and how you felt even though we may have
experienced different trauma, I completely understand...However considering the fact you
are almost twice as old as when this initially occurred I'd just like to say how proud
I am of you to realize that the choices you made were wrong and that you now have
the want to be social, have a relationship and make your life feel complete.
THIS is awesome!!!

I cannot say that there weren't some nice moments
during my time of depression, but I did led a lifof avoidance and limiting and its pretty painful
to know now that I did not lived the life to the fullest.

Avoiding life and humiliation are those coping mechanisms
you've chosen to utilize but the past my friend does not matter!

The meat and potatoes of what you now know lies in: what you choose to do with it!

I also would like to start a new relationship.
Yes, its true, I never had a true intimate relationship.
I was always a mistery to my peers because a relatively
good looking guy like me does not have a relationship.

Truth be told...most people that have been in "intimate" relationships were devoid of intimacy!
Namely the #1 culprit lies in affirmation. Women especially seem to need this.

All my relationships ended with friendships and the girls
that tries to get close to me described me as a "great person, but very inapproachable"

Approachable has much more to do with your vibe, than your perceived openness!

How you project yourself has much to do with the way others will perceive you.

I have a lot of fear starting a new relationship because
I fear that the new person will abandon me quickly when I
tell the truth that I was a depressed person.

I fear the common responses that may be spread about me like
"freak", "geek", "weardo" etc.

Is my fear exaggerated?

The cold hard truth: LIFE is all about experiences.
Some will be good, others will be bad but the fundamental take away you should gleam from "life" is
that no matter how good or bad experiences are: they are experiences and add to your intuition and overall
knowledge of people and their intricacies and idiosyncrasies.

Meaning: take the leap and meet every and anyone.
Talk to strangers! Talk to that person who doesn't smile much. You might
reveal why they are said which could bring both of you happiness!

Taking the leap implies you will fail because you simply fear the unknown!
However once you get acclimated in doing so you will reap the benefits of success, not failure.

Failure is an illusion that YOU create, and guess what?
THIS illusion can be changed! Try changing it to a positive and limitless outlook. It works.

When you greet people, you don't look away, avoid eye contact and say it in a monotone voice.
THIS tells people you are unsure of yourself and most people like the illusion of: confidence (of which you have in abundance)

You are a freak/weirdo IF this is how you see yourself and give people credit because
they too will see what you give off: your perception has much more to do with your peer's reactions of you
than you know!