Still Waiting

[BeingAlpha]

I pray that her soon to be new husband turns out to be abusive or cheats on her constantly or that she ends up infertile (considering how adamant she always was about having children). Something, anything. I want and need her to be miserable so that I might restart my life.

Man -- this quote scares me because you are still putting YOUR happiness in her hands. This statement says that if she doesn't end up unhappy you will be unhappy for the rest of your life. Well... you can't control her happiness so how about focusing on the things you can control? Like yourself, moving on, not worrying about what she is doing at all? I don't think she wanted to get divorced anymore than you did..its costly (emotionally and financially) -- she thought she was fully in love with you and could make it work otherwise unless you are extremely manipulative (and shame on you if you are) then why would she have gone through with it?

People make the wrong choices for them. Think of how brave she had to be to finally say something to you about it, think of how guilty she felt for having put you through it...she hurt you by leaving but trust me she would have hurt you more by staying...ever think of how she might have resented you, how she would have made you feel if she stayed around?

[ChristianonLI]

I just typed out a huge response and thanks to this god damn forum timing out I lost EVERYTHING. This is ridiculous, but it's not like I was really going to say anything new.

I appreciate the advice everyone has to give but it's the same advice I've been getting for over a year. It doesn't sit well with me. Before I ever met my former wife I knew that my happiness would be directly dependent on her once I found her. And that is exactly what happened. I was miserable my whole life until I found her. She was the proof that I was finally normal and now I'm almost 32 and forced to start over. I'm too old to be starting over. When my father was 32 he had a wife, a house and ME. I have NOTHING and it's too late to have anything. My former wife was the one anomaly I was to be granted and the only path to happiness that I would ever have. And now she's gone not only glad to be rid of me but happier with her life than she was with me. THAT CANNOT BE ALLOWED. That's all there is to it. It cannot be allowed. It. Cannot. Be. Allowed.

[Sonrisa]

great. I am 33 and have nothing. guess that's not normal.

j/k. i have everything and more,

[shadowMike4d4]

Pull the skater boy situation on your Ex wife, completely remake your image and become a big famous wealthy name, make yourself so huge that she can only look at you from below with all the other little pions and wonder what possessed her to leave you.


ooorrr continue moping and sobbing and feeling sorry for yourself, get the cancer you desire, and spare the world your continued whiny-ness. Sorry but a shallow woman would not have stuck around as long as yours apparently did, she really legitimately loved you...but a lasting relationship goes beyond love. You need to be able to SUPPORT her, if you can't do that how can you expect her to stick around?

I admit to getting really pissy when women would look away when I didn't have a job, but then even in my resentment I could see "Well, what can I offer them? I don't have a car or money to gas one up, take them to dinner, a movie, perhaps a weekend in Vegas.


My serious advice is pull yourself together and make yourself into someone you find worth having.

[Take2]

Dude, please let her go, for YOUR sake. It really won't make you feel better if she crashes and burns, your life will still be there to make you unhappy. Don't hang your hopes on her unhappiness, it doesn't work. Look, my father had a similar outlook to you, and I watched a man who didn't believe in the gifts and positive attributes he DID have throw it all away while wallowing in self pity. A smart and charming guy, he threw away all of life's opportunities because he was too busy wallowing in self-pity.

Warnings:
1. My father chain smoked and drank like a fiend, hoping to kill himself that way. His body did not cooperate. He ruined his health, little by little. The effects were painful and made his life more miserable. But he lived to be 69, having been fully self-destructive since age 40! Smoking can give you cancer, but it can also just give you emphysema and make it hard to breathe. You can live with that and cyrhosis and all kinds of other horrible but non-fatal maladies for a VERY long time.

2. You can chase away people who desperately want to love you with your negativity. My father refused to get therapy or change or really do anything but wallow. He died alone in a squalid trailer park with nothing and nothing to show for his life. He was literally a genius, but life attitude determines your path far more than the tools you are handed to succeed. People who make the best of what they have are happy. People who dream of revenge and wallow are unhappy. You can choose to be happy, and if you can't you can get professional help to get you on that path. Don't throw your life away like my Dad did. It was so incredibly sad and there is another way!

[BeingAlpha]

I just typed out a huge response and thanks to this god damn forum timing out I lost EVERYTHING. This is ridiculous, but it's not like I was really going to say anything new.

I appreciate the advice everyone has to give but it's the same advice I've been getting for over a year. It doesn't sit well with me. Before I ever met my former wife I knew that my happiness would be directly dependent on her once I found her. And that is exactly what happened. I was miserable my whole life until I found her. She was the proof that I was finally normal and now I'm almost 32 and forced to start over. I'm too old to be starting over. When my father was 32 he had a wife, a house and ME. I have NOTHING and it's too late to have anything. My former wife was the one anomaly I was to be granted and the only path to happiness that I would ever have. And now she's gone not only glad to be rid of me but happier with her life than she was with me. THAT CANNOT BE ALLOWED. That's all there is to it. It cannot be allowed. It. Cannot. Be. Allowed.

Please do not do something drastic. You are not in control of her being happy or not happy. Who is going to allow her to be happy or not? You can't control this. BTW I am 31 and do not have a wife or a family - why do you think that its too old? Have you ever checked out a dating site and seen what age range the women who are 25-30 put for guy they are searching for? Its 31-40...there is a reason for that...maturity. Although you aren't demonstrating a whole of of maturity right now....I am giving you a free pass because you are hurt.

Lose this attitude or you will get exactly what you keep asking for ... a life full of misery and loneliness.

[MerryH]

I appreciate the advice everyone has to give but it's the same advice I've been getting for over a year. It doesn't sit well with me.

You've gotten lots of good advice, but you refuse to take it. That's fine, it's your prerogative, but I'd like to ask what you plan on doing. Is it your plan to continue to be angry about this forever? I'm honestly curious.

THAT CANNOT BE ALLOWED. That's all there is to it. It cannot be allowed. It. Cannot. Be. Allowed.

What are you talking about? She didn't want to be with you anymore. She's allowed to leave you and find happiness elsewhere. You describe yourself as broke, boring, and unattractive so why on earth should she have stuck around any longer? You should be happy for her.

[ChristianonLI]

Maybe I should be more accurate. I don't regard myself as boring or unattractive however her actions seem to prove to me that I must be. The actions of all the women who won't date me also seem to prove it. Deep down I fancy myself good looking, quick witted and genuine in all respects but if I truly were she would have stayed and this horrible tragedy never would have happened. Because the common factor is I'm broke it must mean all women only want a man with money. Therefore it is her fault for wanting more than what she had. It is her fault for feeling she deserved more when she should have been happy with what she had and nothing more.

I won't have my revenge but I may get a nice consolation prize. I've found out her car's title might be in my name since I signed on the loan for it back in 2008. If my name is on the title then it is legally my car and I have every intention of taking it back.

[MerryH]

Because the common factor is I'm broke it must mean all women only want a man with money.

There is also a common factor of you having a really terrible attitude about life in general. But hey, it's easier to blame your loneliness on the fact that you don't have any money than to actually accept that there are other things that make you undesirable to women.

I won't have my revenge but I may get a nice consolation prize. I've found out her car's title might be in my name since I signed on the loan for it back in 2008. If my name is on the title then it is legally my car and I have every intention of taking it back.

Lame. You should leave her alone, but you don't strike me as the type of person to take the high road no matter what anyone says, so it would be pointless to try to talk you out of this.

And you didn't answer my question. Are you planning on being angry about this forever?

[ChristianonLI]

Yes, I will be angry about this forever. She's stopped making payments on the car and it is starting to hurt my credit so before it gets any worse I need to repossess the car because I will not pay for a car that she is driving.

[Take2]

Maybe I should be more accurate. I don't regard myself as boring or unattractive however her actions seem to prove to me that I must be. The actions of all the women who won't date me also seem to prove it. Deep down I fancy myself good looking, quick witted and genuine in all respects but if I truly were she would have stayed and this horrible tragedy never would have happened. Because the common factor is I'm broke it must mean all women only want a man with money. Therefore it is her fault for wanting more than what she had. It is her fault for feeling she deserved more when she should have been happy with what she had and nothing more.

I won't have my revenge but I may get a nice consolation prize. I've found out her car's title might be in my name since I signed on the loan for it back in 2008. If my name is on the title then it is legally my car and I have every intention of taking it back.

Her.actions.don't.say.ANYTHING.about.you!!!!! The amount of self-centeredness is astounding! And the most handsome, sexy, smart, and wealthy guy in the world wouldn't be attractive to me with your outlook on life. Why would a woman date you? You are not over your ex, you are morose and in victim mode and you are down on yourself, you are self-centered AND you are bitter and grumpy. I can't imagine the fun you must be on a date! Work on fixing all of that and you may well have girls falling all over you. Your ex? She has every right to decide that any person on the planet is not right for HER, that doesn't mean the guy is not a good and awesome guy, it's just that he doesn't meet her needs. That's you, she left you because you weren't right for her. Now you have let your toxic attitude make you a bad fit for almost any girl. Drop the attitude and see what happens!

[MerryH]

Ah. Well, if she stopped making payments on the car, then you're in the right to take it back. It sounded like you were just doing it to hurt her.

So if you've made the decision to be angry about it forever, what is the point of this thread? If you're just venting, maybe you should make it clear that you're not looking for advice so nobody wastes their time trying to help you out.

[ChristianonLI]

I don't know what the point of this thread is, really. I don't know what the point is of anything I do anymore. I just brood and ponder of this every single day without end and as far as I'm concerned "getting over it" is giving in, giving up and accepting defeat and I just don't do that anywhere in life. I just know that this shouldn't have happened and that's where I'm stuck at.

[shadowMike4d4]

Its defeat when you don't admit you're wrong, its defeat if you don't move on.

so mr. "I don't accept defeat" you're already defeating yourself by thinking this way.


so seriously, don't pull that kind of crap. You're not being tough or manly by admitting she was the wrong choice of woman, you're making yourself into a pathetic little baby. grow a pair and get your shit in order. Take back the car for all I care, she doesn't deserve it if she's literally forcing you to pay for it when she has a wealthy new husband.

[IWantSomeone]

Wow....can't believe you are still moping over this girl after a year. Get over it. Doesn't look like she's ever coming back to you. Move on with your life.
And with the car....who's been paying for it....you or her? And is it registered and insured by you also?