the wandering eye

[mel2208]

yeah its the whole gawking process Vashti. If he dont stop doing it whilst im around im gonna leave it between us. let him find a woman that will put up with that in front of them. Its just not for me. thanks for replying xx


RAZE... i think u need to go back to bed and get out on the right side next time!! i simply come on here for advice, not abuse! he is not my slave. i Just have morals. i dont look at men in front of him. i have respect!!!

[vertical_sky]

The key for me is HOW is he looking at other women? Is it just a quick glance? Is he turning his head and staring? Is he cat-calling? If you have to watch him like a hawk in order to "catch" him, then drop it. He's monogamous, not dead, and a quick glance is probably subconscious and not at all disrespectful to you. (Plus, he may be looking at them but not checking them out. Sometimes it might appear I'm staring at people/checking them out when in fact they just happen to be in my range of vision.)

In a case where he is <b>subtly</b> checking girls out, you need to let it go. Act under a shroud of mutual disillusion, if you will; you turn a blind eye to him discreetly checking out other girls, he turns a blind eye to guys checking you out.

[Raze]

RAZE... i think u need to go back to bed and get out on the right side next time!! i simply come on here for advice, not abuse! he is not my slave. i Just have morals. i dont look at men in front of him. i have respect!!!

Yes, and you are insecure as is he. He's getting mad because guys look at you and you are getting made because he looks at girls. Just because you are in relationship doesn't mean that your partner is going to behave perfectly and not act like a guy. Also, just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are safe from other guys looking at you.

You're being so unrealistic that it's emberassing. Now, you are trying to convey to me that you are perfect. So, what if you have morals? Good for you? That doesn't change the fact that you have problems that you need to work on.

I'm not going to let you hide from your problems by saying that you are a perfect princess. I'm sorry, that is just not going to work.

[vashti]

I have a feeling that Raze is a gawker.

[Raze]

I have a feeling that Raze is a gawker.

Of course I check out other women. That doesn't mean I'm going to act on it. I'm the posterboy for clutziness.

[SelflessnHumble]

of course i check out other guys!!!!!what girl doesnt!! i just think its a tad disrespectful doing it in front of my partner!! i know he checks out other girls obviously. he could be a little more discreet!! he can look at has many women has he wants when im not around. its just the whole respect whilst your out with your partner thing. that is all i was saying!!
oh... and yeah i may want to be treated like a princess. Whats wrong with that? i just know what i want and how i want to be treated.

It makes ZERO difference whether you check out the opposite sex in front of your partner or while you are separated from each other.
You just admitted to looking which is equally disrespectful as doing it while in each others company...(according to your point of view) with
the obvious exception you want to dictate terms as to how it is done? -This makes zero sense.

The fact he isn't discreet about it should tell you something.
Your reaction (which is just an excuse that you are insecure) -evident by your jealousy tells me you aren't ready for a
serious relationship. A person who declares themselves "secure" is trying to sell something whereas someone who is confident would
NEVER be bothered by his looking -because she would KNOW:

-he loves her
-he comes home to her
-he only touches her...

You overlook these facts just to use his looking as the go ahead for feeling the way you do.

Maturity comes with experiences Mel, and it looks like you don't have enough of them to understand how animals' basic instincts function. (we are animals)

If you view him looking at other girls as a lack of respect you will never be happy with this guy.

I've been with a multitude of women ranging from superficial and vain to shy and awkward...
The ones who were insecure about themselves would explode over even the thought of me looking at another attractive woman...but see
here's where you go wrong:

A woman ONLY gets jealous or views this as disrespectful when the woman they are looking at is MORE beautiful and/or shapely than herself!
Since you base everything around "looks" (rather than other things in your relationship) exemplified in your posts then you will always feel
or get disrespected in that regard...

If you want to be treated like a Princess, guess what?
He's not your "prince" and only a man who bows to a Prima Donna's every whim and demand would be satisfactory to you.

When you mention princess?
The more insecure you seem to be.
It says you want to be propped up on a pedestal YET
you've already given up all that he wanted from you: Sex, intimacy and affection.
He's got no reason nor incentive to do so anymore.

[Raze]

^^ Exactly! You both have a controlling relationship personality meaning that you try to control what each other do because you are really insecure about yourselves. You need to fix this. In the future, don't phish for people who are going to agree with you especially on a love advice forum where there are people who have more experience with relationships than you.

[VincenzoG91]

I have a simple solution. Mel and her guy should both put on blindfolds whenever they go out in public. They can give up their vehicles to charity and buy white canes, and everyone will be happy.

[girl68]

I didn't read all the feedback so pardon if I missed something already said but:

Is he doing the whole stare up and down, turn heads as he walks by thing? Or does he glance at a pretty lady then look away. The latter is NOT something to be upset by. The former is disrespectful; be honest which is he doing? There is a VERY big difference between the 2.

Second- you do not get to be the thought police. You cannot tell him you can't look at a pretty girl when I'm not around. If you continue with attempting to control his eyes *especially* when you're not around you're fooling yourself thinking that you'll find a man who will never, ever glance at a pretty lady.

[doppelgaenger]

Just for clarification, identify the photo that best represents his facial expression while checking out a girl:

[Petit Papillon]

I thought by wandering eye you meant this :


Yeah but then I noticed it's not in Health forum,damn it :/

[xxazurexx]

i thought by wandering eye you meant this :


yeah but then i noticed it's not in health forum,damn it :/

lol....................

[Raze]

I have a simple solution. Mel and her guy should both put on blindfolds whenever they go out in public. They can give up their vehicles to charity and buy white canes, and everyone will be happy.

AHAHAHAHAAHA! That cracked me up! I second the blindfold idea.

[smackie9]

It's not a crime to look at other girls even if he is gawking at them. I agree that ending the relationship would be a good idea, but not just because of him acting boorishly. She needs to end it and work on yourself and realize that the world doesn't revolve around her and needs to be more secure about herself.

OMG really now. This has nothing to do with insecurity, it has a lot to do with DISRESPECT. It's a given that all will check out what's on the menu, BUT it's out of respect that you keep it under wraps when with your partner. Gawking blatenly is being rude. This is not behaviour she saw when she met him, it didn't start until 6 months later which means the relationship is on it's way out becuase he doesn't give a rat's ass what she says or thinks anymore.

[SelflessnHumble]

OMG really now. This has nothing to do with insecurity, it has a lot to do with DISRESPECT. It's a given that all will check out what's on the menu, BUT it's out of respect that you keep it under wraps when with your partner. Gawking blatenly is being rude. This is not behaviour she saw when she met him, it didn't start until 6 months later which means the relationship is on it's way out becuase he doesn't give a rat's ass what she says or thinks anymore.

And why is that?
Because she gave it up, that's why.
He doesn't respect her because she's given him good reason not to.

Lesson learned.
She doesn't put her foot down=tacit agreement that it is O.k. behavior period.

Next time learn how to screen and choose your mates more carefully and this kind of thing won't happen.