No sex for you (me.)

[Gratedwasabi]

She is definitely putting up a little bit of a barrier with excuses. I'm going to say that I don't think I ever stopped making out with a guy I REALLY liked because I "had class in the morning", and I was a straight A student!

Have you tried to advance this farther than kissing, such as "petting" or even simply caressing her body more intimately? Have you told her that you like her a lot and want her? I think 5 dates is enough time for that shoe to drop. I would be surprised if she didn't know, but some people are less in tune with social cues or you could be sending mixed signals. This might be where she drops the bomb that she isn't interested in a sexual relationship, is abstinent or wants to remain abstinent, etc.

I'm trying to convince myself it's just because she's really responsible, but I'm pretty confused to be honest. She obviously knew I was intending sex when I asked her over and asked if she wanted tea (ie an excuse to stick around) but then it was like she changed her mind. And it's not my kissing, I'm pretty sure my kissing is fantastic. So no, I didn't really have much of a chance to go further. I was rubbing her back while we were at the bar and I had my arm around her while we were walking, but nothing much.

And I've told her that I like her and find her irresistible, etc.. so.. I don't know. I was literally 95% sure I was getting some last night and suddenly it changed. I know she's not good with less sleep and school is her #1 priority, and if she had stayed she would have been looking at 4 hours of sleep at best so I'm not upset about it.

And she was more physical this time. She kept putting her head on my shoulder and would touch me when I was joking. Still was fairly reserved, though. So.. I dunno. I dunnnnno.

[Boisdevie]

Maybe she's a cock teaser?

[vashti]

I was a straight A student, too, and i missed out on PLENTY of things I would have rather been doing for the sake of school.

Maybe she is religious, and doesn't approve of pre-marital sex? Or maybe she is just very, very cautious about who she has sex with? I have to say that I think it's kind of odd that people find it pathological that she isn't sexual after 5 dates. That really isn't all that much time.

[hello1]

Give her a chance! come on. I find it really sad you even created a thread about this. She obviously the type of girl who does not jump into bed with men, she wants to make sure you two are a long term thing. If you keep pushing her she will run as in her head it will confirm you were only after one thing.

[Boisdevie]

She obviously the type of girl who does not jump into bed with men, she wants to make sure you two are a long term thing.

And sometimes if you don't have sex you don't get to be a long term thing at all. Is it some kind of love test refusing to have sex? If a woman feels comfortable with a man what's wrong with sex? It's not some ****ing crime.

[RockNRoll]

If a woman feels comfortable with a man what's wrong with sex? It's not some ****ing crime.

Sure, nothing wrong with that. You are right, it's about being comfortable, whenever it happens. But it takes time/commitment/whatever for some women to feel comfortable.
In this situation she is moving forward, maybe at a slower pace than some would expect/want, but it doesn't look alarming to me yet.

[cancankant]

I don't find it "pathological" that she isn't into sex after 5 dates, but she keeps making excuses to leave every time that they can be alone. This, to me, shows that she is not comfortable with either the OP or sex in general, at least at this time.

At this point, I might try to see if you can maybe feel out what her feelings about intimacy are. No big talks, but maybe there's some sort of discussion topic that could bring her feelings on the subject to light. Heck, even a movie that's sort of steamy might serve as the catalyst for this sort of talk. If she's "saving herself for marriage", abstaining, etc. you'll find out. Then you have to make a decision whether or not she's worth waiting for.

I agree that sex is not a crime. It is a big decision, and it's good it's not one she takes lightly. That only leads to trouble, especially if you're not safe about it.

[warriormaiden]

Ank, give her some time. It's only BEEN five dates. :-P


But seriously. From what you have told us, I'm sensing she's not that comfortable with sleeping with you yet. It probably has nothing to do with you. I would bring up the subject, don't be so 'WHY WON"T YOU SLEEP WITH ME, IS it MEEEE?' with it. Casual like.
It wouldn't hurt to ask, after all.

[small banana]

I didnt even read this but im trying to get to 15 posts.

[Gratedwasabi]

I don't find it "pathological" that she isn't into sex after 5 dates, but she keeps making excuses to leave every time that they can be alone. This, to me, shows that she is not comfortable with either the OP or sex in general, at least at this time.

At this point, I might try to see if you can maybe feel out what her feelings about intimacy are. No big talks, but maybe there's some sort of discussion topic that could bring her feelings on the subject to light. Heck, even a movie that's sort of steamy might serve as the catalyst for this sort of talk. If she's "saving herself for marriage", abstaining, etc. you'll find out. Then you have to make a decision whether or not she's worth waiting for.

I agree that sex is not a crime. It is a big decision, and it's good it's not one she takes lightly. That only leads to trouble, especially if you're not safe about it.

I'm certainly not upset that she's discriminate with whom she has sex. Or at least, I hope it's her general attitude towards it and not just me!

It's just something a little different then I'm used to. But she's introduced me to her friends and such, so I doubt it's anything about her not being comfortable with me/etc. I dunno. We'll see. It's a bummer because I only get to see her once or twice a week due to her crazy school schedule.

And I don't think this thread was very sad, hello, I was just curious on some perspective as this is a change from what I've experienced before. The responses have mostly been very interesting, although yours not so much.

[xxazurexx]

An interesting thread!

First off, I think sex on the first or second date is waaaaay to soon...it does happen I know..fueled my alcohol or particular circumstances but if a woman is looking long term, a general rule is that she will postpone the physical aspect a bit longer. For a few reasons: the need to get to know you better, to see if she can spend an enjoyable time with you, to see what kind of person you are...you know not everybody is gonna believe you're an honest kind kind from a first date...

Also everyone has a different level of personal space...some people will hug everyone pretty quickly, talk to people very closely, be all touchy feely with strangers pretty soon...others need a bit of time and to establish trust whether it is consciious or subconscious...so if you give her some time for still a few dates without initiating anything you might be surprised that she will come to you..;and what a personal satisfaction when someone really wants to be close to you!

My advice if you like her is to think about 2 or 3 more dates, make them interesting, fun, possibly outdoor and daytime so that she does not feel any pressure...MAKE SURE THAT ON ALL DATES YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS, that you smell nice and that she feels comfortable (don't obviously flirt and keep your distance)...

See how it goes!

Great advice as always. I agree totally with this.

[xxazurexx]

And sometimes if you don't have sex you don't get to be a long term thing at all. Is it some kind of love test refusing to have sex? If a woman feels comfortable with a man what's wrong with sex? It's not some ****ing crime.

Some of us aren't slappers who put out at the drop of a hat.

We like to get to know the guy and it takes longer than 2 dates to get to know someone..... ffs!! lol