is our relationship over for good?

[Helpme123]

sorry this is so long, but i really really could use some good advice. ive never posted on one of these things before, and im just at a loss and hear the same ole same ole from my friends

My bf and I have been really happy for months now. He got married young & divorced quickly. I know she found someone else while he was deployed breaking his heart completely. He moved away when he got home and after being on and off with her for many years finally attempted moving on. He moved far away from her back to his hometown, which is where I live. The last time they saw each other was 2 years ago. He dated many people since then, and finally settled down with me.

recent story:
I know how much she broke his heart & I noticed them talking alot thru email when we 1st started dating (she was deployed this time). he knew it made me uncomfortable so he told her he didnt want to screw up our relationship and he needed to stop talking to her. I then found an email a few mo.s later saying he was having problems thinking about her. It upset me so greatly i shut it out of my mind. Then we were having some drinks one nite a mo. ago when he got a call. he said that it was his ex & she was passing through town, and she wanted to meet us and give him some of his stuff from a long time ago... THAT nite. I told him I didnt feel comfortable so he said okay. I noticed she called him that night while I was asleep and also saw a text saying she would be passing back through town later that week if that would be better.

later that week he said he couldnt stay at my place one nite, and i asked if it was about his ex. he said yes, she would be passing through town the next day and wanted his stuff. i uncomfortably said ok but then quickly changed my mind and said i would rather them not see each other alone. he asked why i changed my mind and i told him i didnt think it was appropriate. he said he wouldnt see her. i told him i would go with him but to please not see her alone. the next day he didnt answer my calls and i got so worried that i drove to his house. there she was, out there getting stuff out of her trunk. i called him crying, told him we were done because he lied to me. when emotions calmed down he told me she called him right before she was driving in and he didnt think it was necessary to tell me then and that he was going to have to tell me later bc of all of the stuff she dropped off. he said she told him she needed to tell him something and that when she showed up she said she was getting cancer test results bc she was sick. i believed him despite everyone telling me how much of a jerk he was putting his ex above me. i told him i knew about the email and he apologized SO much saying he had a weak moment and he never wanted to hurt me. so after many tears we decided trying to work it out. he asked if he could talk to her just 1 more time to hear the results of the test and he would never talk to her again. i told him yes (i didnt have the heart to say no) but to tell me exactly when he would be contacting her and to keep an open line of comm. about it or we would be done.

2 wks later he asked if i minded if he called her about the results bc he said she was scared to call him bc of me So i told him yes. he said the results werent until a few days later, during our vacation. he didnt really bring her up on our vacation until i asked if he had talked to her. he said no he didnt want to worry about it on vacation. when we got back, one nite i was up late and had a horrible feeling & checked his phone records. they had not communicated the morning she came to drop off his stuff meaning he knew that he was going to see her since the nite before she came in. he stopped talking to her until he had made the call to her about the test results. then he periodically texted her, some drunk, others after i had asked him about it on vacation, incl 2 min before our new years kiss, & alot a morning i was away after our vacation. i checked his phone and he deleted all except 3 innocent texts about the test results being negative and him telling her thanks for keeping him updated. when he woke up i asked him about the last time he tried contacting her before that morn and he said when he told me that he called her all that time ago. i told him he was lying and he promised he wasnt which is when i tore into him saying i had checked his phone records. he started apologizing and i told him it was over.

last nite we got together to exchange some stuff, and i asked him what were in those final texts that he had deleted. he said it was stuff like her saying he had to stop texting her if he wanted to be with me. it hurt so bad. i got so mad one nite, in the heat of things i sent his ex a message saying she could have him, i was done with him, and blaming her for basically what had happened to us etc. she sent me back a surprisingly comforting email, saying how they had been done for a long time and that she has always pushed him towards committing to me, without an accusatory finger or an ill word to say. i know this was his ex, but for some reason it comforted me greatly.

I'm so demoralized over this. I love him SO much. i want him to change and stop talking to her but he says he cant and he doesnt want to burden me because i dont deserve it and he loves me. will he try to change and get me back or will he just move on and never talk to me again? i dont want to lose him. he really is the best thing thats happened to me and now i feel like he wants me to just walk away. i know i should just walk away but i dont want to. hes a good guy despite everything. please please give me some advice... is he ever going to change his ways or is it a lost cause?

[sweetkissesforu]

Sometimes it does not hurt to trust each other

[Helpme123]

how can i not have doubts though.. he told me himself he feels like he can't change and can't stop talking to her.

[xxazurexx]

He's not over her and she isn't over him. It's as simple as that really.

The woman broke his heart and he's still emotionally hung up on her and involved with her, which is why he can't and refuses to let go. It is too painful to let her go.

It would seem that he is willing to give you up for her and he probably would rather you walked away. Saves him feeling like a further shit and if you do choose to walk away.

Will he change? Only if he comes to the realisation that it is you he truly wants.

[Boisdevie]

He can't stop talking to her? - my arse
And he says he loves you? - he's trying to say the words you want to hear to keep you hanging on

Well he's got to decide hasn't he. I'd leave him until he decides where his priorities lie.

[Helpme123]

thanks yall. I just hope he comes around. I have left him for now, I just hope he has the balls to come back and tell me if he decides I am who he really wants and not her. Hopefully.