...I just know that I feel weird about it.
I have been dating my girlfriend for 9 months. As with alot of girls in my area she feels sex and such before marriage is a bad thing. Which is fine, I can go with that, I am not a sexual fiend and alot of girls I have dated have that same view and I have no problem being respectful and I don't need sex to have a relationship.
But here is the issue, the girl I am dating now feels this way but is not really good at sticking to it, though we never had actual intercourse (she is still a virgin) we did other things. And knowing her view, I never start it, I always let her.
But over the last few months it has made her sad and she feels we should not do sexual things, which I am not exactly thrilled about but I respect and love her so I can do it. For awhile she would just kiss me and start doing sexual things, though she would be upset after we were done about our lack of self control. So I started trying to stop her before things went too far, which is difficult cause I still want them and I have no personal moral issue with them. But then she will get depressed and upset thinking that I don't want her or think she is sexy anymore. It's hard cause whether I try to help her resist or whether I give in, I still feel the backlash.
But that's not all, we have stopped doing things like that lately that but it doesn't stop from regularly telling or texting me that I am sexy and the things she wants to do to me or me to her and she gets very detailed about it only to finish it with, "but you know we can't, right?" and If I talk about sexual things in return and it goes past what she feels is ok that day, she gets upset as well, even if it's not nearly;y as "bad" or in depth as what she is telling me. I am trying to walk a fine line between showing enough affection to make her feel physically wanted and attractive without making her feel like I want her to go against what she thinks is best. it's hard.
On top of all that, she tells me about nightmares she is having sometimes where I "rape" whiles she is sleeping and she doesn't notice til she wakes up cause she sleeps so heavily. Which I would never even consider. And the icing on the cake to the problem is that a month or two ago one of my cousin's went off the deep end and tried to kidnap and rape a 16 year old girl (He failed before he could do anything, thank the stars) and he is one of the last people in the world I would have imagined doing such a thing.
But now I am afraid to kiss her or touch her too much for fear of not knowing how she will respond in either direction.
The whole situation just got me feeling frustrated, hurt and always on egg shells.
I am just talking here, thanks for listening, feel free to tell me whatever you want.