I'm so insecure! :(

[Yet another guy]

You know...my best friend Mag is really slim + sporty...but she hates her body due to her hips that she finds rather large and whatever her efforts it's her body shape and she can't change it..

Sporty AND large hips... Is it so that the hotter a girl is the more she hates her body?

[Heartache]

I believe as long as you are a confident woman, you will be in control of yourself... Men will look at inner beauty as well. Cheers.

[peppereyes]

Well, a game like God of War is more directed to males anyway... so yeah, if they show lesbian sex scenes with busty women, I think it's because that's what men want... and at least men have ther penises hidden in their pants... not that I'm saying it's easier to be a man, 'cause it's not. But women have more pressure to be physically and sexually appealing. Sure men have a lot of pressure to "perform" well. I'm not trying to make this into a "men vs. women" debate. But honestly men, being a woman is not nearly as easy as you think, we don't have it easier or harder... most women hate their bodies. Men don't really hate their bodies, although some do. But from my experience, men are much more visual than women, hence why at least I care so much about my looks... is it such a crime that I WANT TO LOOK GOOD *FOR MEN*? Shouldn't men feel grateful for that? We try to look good for you, for YOUR pleasure... sadly, sometimes no matter what we do it's not enough...

Not many women I know want a Brad Pitt lookalike anyway... but still... I mean look at Hugh Hefner, sure he has money so that's why he has those kind of women at his feet, but still... do you think if Betty White gave a lot of money to young studs they would actually accept to be her boyfriends, especially under the same strict conditions that Hef gas for his girls? I think not! Because I don't think any young guy would like to be with a woman that old... yet women don't care as much for age or looks.

I don't know, only place where you actually see giant penises is porn... and it's mostly men who watch porn... so it'd be very easy for men to just ignore it, if they claim to know very well that porn is fake... I've never seen huge penises in mainstream movies, magazines, or "bulges" in huge advertisements or any of it. And muscles? Most women don't want a body builder and any guy can just go to the gym and tone up. If I'm fat, I'm not gonna complain, I'm gonna take action, 'cause it's something *I* can change and make better... if I get fat, it's because of my own negligence with myself... so I wouldn't really complain much. But my breasts, my hips, all of that I can't choose... yet I'm constantly inderictly told that my breasts and hips are unattractive... when was the last time you saw small boobs being portrayed as hot?

Sadly tits are visible all the time, and if you wear a push up or padding, it's false advertising and if a man goes after you while wearing one of those, when the moment of truth comes, then they get disappointed. Should I get implants? Do men like them? I might, I mean they look awful, but if men like them...

[SelflessnHumble]

I simply can't stand my body... why? Because it's not the typical "hot" body that men like: ie., busty, slim, no cellulite, round butt, tight legs... usually on petite frames. I'm kind of tall, kind of slim (I want to be really lean), no boobs, BIG hips (small waist though), ugly butt with cellulite and fat thighs with even more cellulite!

Look, everyone at one point or another has felt this way.
The difference with knowing your natural body shape AND obsessing over it lies in knowing what
you are capable of doing to augment shape naturally and that magazines do NOT accurately portray a woman's
physique in natural form many of the time.

I have a normal BMI... I'm not overweight. But I still manage to feel fat... and I'm scared to lose weight, because I fear I might lose what little breast tissue I have... I'm really insecure, I can't stand it anymore!

I know women who are obese. Shouldn't you be content that your BMI isn't double of what it should be?
How about people with facial disfigurements, or babies born with severed retardation or without limbs?
You are VERY vain about your appearance and have little consideration for other people who are much less
fortunate than yourself. In fact you do them a huge disservice.

When I was with my ex, I was constantly insecure, though I didn't vocalize it ('cause I was scared of scaring him away). But I was always comparing myself to women, especially if we went to the beach... I know he was with me, but I couldn't help but feel bad because I knew that I didn't have his preferred body type. I knew he liked busty women on petite frames, preferrably blonde, ie. my exact opposite! Most guys my age (I'm 22) are like this, too.

Well, if you don't like who you are or what you look like HOW can another man?

I know personality matters more and guys constantly tell me I'm such a cool chick, but they don't know the truth (that I suck 'cause I'm this insecure). They even think I'm really confident (they tell me so), but they don't know the truth... and I know that even if they like my personality, my body will never be good enough. They always tell me they like me, that I'm awesome, but it seems it's always compliments about my personality, never about my looks, and that makes me feel ugly, even if they ask me out. No, I wouldn't get surgery, even if it's covered by our health system, because I'm too much of a chicken and if I ever have kids 1) I plan to breasfeed and 2) how would I explain mommy's vanity and insecurity, especially if I have girls?

No one likes fake people. Hiding who you are is pretty shallow but fortunately you can change this
skewed perception of yourself. First off you are right: your body will never be good enough....Why?
Because you just said it! You think you are ugly because you are. (hint hint) People can sense this a mile away
and your insecurity is being telegraphed (at the subconscious level) Start loving yourself. It all starts with you.

If you feel you aren't good enough then be prepared for constant disappointment and a lonely life because no one
likes to be with someone who constantly puts themselves down or is so insecure. Security isn't given down from a man
who gives you compliments. Security is KNOWING who you are and loving who you are.

Nothing else will ever do.
It sounds like you've negotiated with yourself to feel this way and have no inclination to change this perception.

Don't feel too bad...the programming you've been subjected to tells woman (at a very early age) how a
beautiful women should look like. The problem is you base your own perception of your image on magazines
and "hot blondes" with slim waistlines and busty chests as the baseline for your critique.

It's time you change this and accept WHO you are and love yourself for it.
Anything else is just an excuse to continue this mantra of "I'm not good enough..."

[vashti]

I always laugh at women who think huge boobs are great. I am a nurse, and I see LOTS of boobies. Large ones almost always have fungus growing under them when an old woman is hospitalized. Also, fake ones feel gross... like an embalmed corpse.

You might as well learn to enjoy what you have... it isn't ever going to be any better. I think you would be well-served by finding something more important to do with your time than obsess about silly, irrational things. Maybe you should consider volunteering with people who have REAL physical issues? That would give you a real appreciation for how miraculous the human body is when healthy.

[peppereyes]

But if men are constantly checking out women with big breasts and slim waists, preferably blonde, how can I simply ignore it? I can't. I don't receive that attention hence = I'm not as good. Even my ex, who loved me tons, suggested implants a couple times... jokingly, and when confronted, said I'd look better like that... sorry but that makes anyone doubt of themselves.

I'm grateful that I'm healthy of course, but I'm not the only vain person in the world, we all are. Some people want more money, but there will always be someone poorer. Some people want to be smarter, well, there will always be someone less smart. So on and so forth. I don't see why caring about looks makes it any worse or more of a taboo. I'm grateful for my life, I am, but I can't simply ignore the images that I'm force fed practically every day. I see how men react to them. I will never make them react that same way. Of course love is the most important thing but I also like pleasing a partner and of I can't do that, then no matter how much love there is, it won't be enough for me.

I just don't see what's so wrong with how I feel. A lot of people feel different types of greed, yet it's seen as "ambition". I feel bad about my body and it's like I'm the worst person in the world. I know I should be stronger but it's hard, like you said, I've been told from a really young age what a beautiful woman is like (blonde, busty, slim). Unfortunately, so have my male peers. And just like it's hard for me to "unlearn" that, it's twice as hard for them to unlearn it, because they see nothing wrong with it, they just see it as something they enjoy. Something harmless.

[peppereyes]

I always laugh at women who think huge boobs are great. I am a nurse, and I see LOTS of boobies. Large ones almost always have fungus growing under them when an old woman is hospitalized. Also, fake ones feel gross... like an embalmed corpse.

You might as well learn to enjoy what you have... it isn't ever going to be any better. I think you would be well-served by finding something more important to do with your time than obsess about silly, irrational things. Maybe you should consider volunteering with people who have REAL physical issues? That would give you a real appreciation for how miraculous the human body is when healthy.

Well tell that to men who think bigger is better!

[vashti]

Well tell that to men who think bigger is better!

Men are notorious for saying stupid stuff. Don't take it so seriously. If huge boobs were so important, they wouldn't be with you.

[SelflessnHumble]

But if men are constantly checking out women with big breasts and slim waists, preferably blonde, how can I simply ignore it? I can't. I don't receive that attention hence = I'm not as good. Even my ex, who loved me tons, suggested implants a couple times... jokingly, and when confronted, said I'd look better like that... sorry but that makes anyone doubt of themselves.

Answer is simple. Noticing what men do is one thing.
Obsessing over it as you do is highly irrational and indicative of hypersensitivity to the "worldly" wants men covet.
In my universe Brunettes reign supreme. If you had an ex tell you to get a boob job: he didn't like you for you!

I'm grateful that I'm healthy of course, but I'm not the only vain person in the world, we all are. Some people want more money, but there will always be someone poorer. Some people want to be smarter, well, there will always be someone less smart. So on and so forth. I don't see why caring about looks makes it any worse or more of a taboo. I'm grateful for my life, I am, but I can't simply ignore the images that I'm force fed practically every day. I see how men react to them. I will never make them react that same way. Of course love is the most important thing but I also like pleasing a partner and of I can't do that, then no matter how much love there is, it won't be enough for me.

NO, we aren't "All" vain. You are, and your entire environment IS, that is for certain. I look for the good in people when I meet.

Honestly though, when I was a player I sized women up based on their looks, their size and attire.
Truth be told: Superficial people do this. It sounds like you'd rather be a part of the worldly consensus who base ALL of
life on riches, looks, and possessions instead of ethical/moral foundations (which is fine if you are that way) BUT there are many people, good people who base their views on wealth as people who are emotionally/mentally secure in who they are, not what they have, or more importantly what they DON'T have (but covet)

I just don't see what's so wrong with how I feel. A lot of people feel different types of greed, yet it's seen as "ambition". I feel bad about my body and it's like I'm the worst person in the world. I know I should be stronger but it's hard, like you said, I've been told from a really young age what a beautiful woman is like (blonde, busty, slim). Unfortunately, so have my male peers. And just like it's hard for me to "unlearn" that, it's twice as hard for them to unlearn it, because they see nothing wrong with it, they just see it as something they enjoy. Something harmless.

There is nothing wrong with how you feel, as I've stated earlier...many people have felt this way.
You obsess over it like it is the end of the world and this denotes instability. I'm not telling you how to feel or think...BUT
I am telling you that you surround yourself with shallow people and unrealistic views of how women "should look" when
common sense tells us that ALL women come naturally in all shapes and sizes.

If you aren't able to resemble the perfect women in magazines via conventional and natural methods your only
option is to have plastic surgery and be a part of their world, then botox injections, face lifts, then butt implants until you think
you'll be adequate for superficial people. If you are too chicken then you have to stop complaining about your body because you've been presented with the truth and which avenues to pursue. Unless you want to just complain about it for an eternity
than O.k. I will leave you to your self sympathy. I offer advice to resolve your issue, not coddle you with enabling endearment.

I wish you luck, but you will never be satisfied because an obsession never ends. It grows.

[sookie6]

Watch ou OP, some women go through surgery and it makes them look really bad..

I'm thinking of one particular woman I saw at the supermarket, she had had lips surgery and how weird! She had a fish smile if you see what I mean...yuk!!!

And surely enough she was getting attention!!! But for the wrong reasons.

[SelflessnHumble]

Look at Janice Dickinson, and Dr. Phil's wife...and Ms. Priscilla Presley...
All (and many more) have done irreparable damage to their "looks" because they couldn't stop butchering themselves physically
while you are doing the same mentally.

If I were the OP I would look in the mirror and be happy you are how you are and stop virtually butchering your physical beauty
and start getting in touch with your inner beauty. If all you do is obsess over what you don't have: men will take notice of your insecurities
and you will attract men who are apt to exploiting you based on your insecurity. I'm ashamed to say I've done this.

What better way to send a message to a girl like you other than make back handed compliments to put you down while
creeping to prop you up slightly? For a *fat* girl: "you're not that fat" -shallow people do this all of the time.