How do I need to play this?

[McD]

So I've been doing the internet dating thing for a year or so with a bunch of bad experiences on a number of levels. About 2 months ago I found a great girl online who has a lot in common with me and has all of her stuff together. We've been hitting the instant messenger for hours at a time several times a week, text, and have gone out twice now with tenative plans for a third time.

I'm not a particullarly agressive guy, but I've done subtle moves just to get a feel for where she's at (I move in closer & she does nothing, we touch in passing but it doesn't appear she's interested in holding hands). We've exchanged friendly hugs at the end of the night but that's all.
Either she's a bit timid, she isn't seeing the moves, doesn't want to see the moves, or I'm not being agressive enough. :boggled:

Anyway, I was doing some undercover recon and noticed that within the last week she added a new picture so she's obvouisly using the dating site still. Although we're just casually dating, this does hurt me a little bit.
It feels like I've invested a great deal of time into this and afraid of the "friend zone" or she might find someone else on there.

Just curouis if good things come to those who wait or if I need to step it up & make this 3rd date a "make or break" evening so I know where we really stand and if I need to move on. I went through a horrible breakup a number of years back and this is the longest I've been talking with someone since then. I feel that I can walk away now with little emotional pain but dragging this on is going to be a potentially big problem for me if it gets too one-sided.

Thoughts or experiences?

[xxazurexx]

Sounds to me that she is still very much keeping her options open and that usually means one thing - they aren't that interested. At least to me, that is what it usually means.
You aren't at this moment in time, exclusive, so many wouild say that she is doing nothing wrong in keeping her options open.

I see nothing wrong in setting up a third date with her. She can't read your mind....and so you are going to have to be a lot more bolder in your approach and if you want this to have a chance of going anywhere and getting the girl.

[reeba]

Ask for a thrid date, and before asking for a fourth date maybe you should tell her that you aren't going to renew your membership at the dating site, and that you are happy just dating her for now. At least she will know you aren't out there playing the field.

My guess is she has done some recon on you too, and she is watching if your profile has any recent activity on it.

[McD]

I know for me personally, I don't have the time to juggle girls around aside from the intial emails. Once I decide to learn about someone in greater detail, I leave the internet dating alone until the time comes when I need it again.
But I agree, we're by no means exclusive. Her intent on the site was dating as opposed to a serouis relationship.
Unfortunatly, I also agree with your opinion of what happens when they do keep their options open - I'm not sure that sounds good for me.




I do believe we're going out again.
If things are still fuzzy after that, would it be appropriate to say something to the effect of "So, where are we at?"???

[RockNRoll]

You need to see what happens on the 3rd date.
Be more confident with holding hands, etc - it's pretty innocent, but will give you idea about her feelings. It's ok if you ask by the end of the date, what she is thinking about another one, and mention that you like her and maybe want to slow down with that website.
Try not to think about your past pain. If it doesn't work out with her, it will be someone else. The important thing is, that you got further in dating and feel better about it.