I fell in love with my best friend 2 years ago, then fell out of love, and here I am back in love. I need help.
About 2 years ago around this time, I told my best friend (girl), that I was in love with her. She was giving me hints she felt the same for a very long time, but after a long, stressful, drawn out situation, everything fell through and we lost our friendship. She really played games with my heart, and really hurt me, and it leaves me vulnerable to this very day. She ended up dating a man 10 years older than her (we are the same age), and it caught me so off guard. We went on dates, we were inseparable, until our falling out. We did not speak to each other for about 7 months until we slowly started talking and getting close again. A few more fall outs here and there, and then we really started becoming close again. This brings me to present day. We hang out a few times a week, go out for casual dinner, I stay at her house all the time, we cuddle, I kiss her a little bit, but nothing too serious. I have a hunch she is deep down in love with me, but since I attempted this two years ago, I am very weary. I have grown a lot since then, and really handled the situation and went about immaturely a few years ago. I feel as if I'm a new man, that has been through this, and won't take the same route there. I do have some doubts, however, that she does not feel the same, and I'm afraid of running the risk of losing her, and this time it would most likely be for good. How do I go about this sticky situation? She's not dumb, she more than likely knows how I feel, but to hear it from me again may alarm her. I am happy with how we are right now, but there is that part of me that desires so much more, because I know we are capable of that. I made some mistakes, as I said, 2 years ago, on how I approached this situation, I threw it all on her at once, she really felt pressured, and she got scared, understandably so. I feel as if she has matured and grown wiser to, and I can look past all the terrible stuff she did to me, and how much she hurt me. If I named everything I'd be typing a novel, but you can infer and assume. I do, like many people, fear rejection, and I definitely DO NOT want to look like an idiot for a second time.
So, what do I do? Do I tell her how I feel again? Let time play out a little more? Keep it all to myself? Learn what I did wrong last time, and correct it? Make her realize I am not the person I was back then, and I am better, and more mature now?
Its truly eating away at me, hence why I am doing this at 2:00 AM. I would really appreciate ANYONE's help in this situation.
Thank you so much, and god bless you all.
If anyone wants more detail, or information, please feel free to ask, I'd be more than comfortable and happy to elaborate.
Thank you all again.