I fell in love with my best friend 2 years ago...and then...

[F4L]

I fell in love with my best friend 2 years ago, then fell out of love, and here I am back in love. I need help.

About 2 years ago around this time, I told my best friend (girl), that I was in love with her. She was giving me hints she felt the same for a very long time, but after a long, stressful, drawn out situation, everything fell through and we lost our friendship. She really played games with my heart, and really hurt me, and it leaves me vulnerable to this very day. She ended up dating a man 10 years older than her (we are the same age), and it caught me so off guard. We went on dates, we were inseparable, until our falling out. We did not speak to each other for about 7 months until we slowly started talking and getting close again. A few more fall outs here and there, and then we really started becoming close again. This brings me to present day. We hang out a few times a week, go out for casual dinner, I stay at her house all the time, we cuddle, I kiss her a little bit, but nothing too serious. I have a hunch she is deep down in love with me, but since I attempted this two years ago, I am very weary. I have grown a lot since then, and really handled the situation and went about immaturely a few years ago. I feel as if I'm a new man, that has been through this, and won't take the same route there. I do have some doubts, however, that she does not feel the same, and I'm afraid of running the risk of losing her, and this time it would most likely be for good. How do I go about this sticky situation? She's not dumb, she more than likely knows how I feel, but to hear it from me again may alarm her. I am happy with how we are right now, but there is that part of me that desires so much more, because I know we are capable of that. I made some mistakes, as I said, 2 years ago, on how I approached this situation, I threw it all on her at once, she really felt pressured, and she got scared, understandably so. I feel as if she has matured and grown wiser to, and I can look past all the terrible stuff she did to me, and how much she hurt me. If I named everything I'd be typing a novel, but you can infer and assume. I do, like many people, fear rejection, and I definitely DO NOT want to look like an idiot for a second time.

So, what do I do? Do I tell her how I feel again? Let time play out a little more? Keep it all to myself? Learn what I did wrong last time, and correct it? Make her realize I am not the person I was back then, and I am better, and more mature now?

Its truly eating away at me, hence why I am doing this at 2:00 AM. I would really appreciate ANYONE's help in this situation.

Thank you so much, and god bless you all.

If anyone wants more detail, or information, please feel free to ask, I'd be more than comfortable and happy to elaborate.

Thank you all again.

[HeartIsAching]

Lose her phone number. She's no friend of yours.

[F4L]

Care for any elaboration?

[drew7873]

i think you mentioned "afraid" and "fear" in relation to what you should do.

my mom once told me...

"fight for her"

"win"

"give it your everything"

don't worry about what's said and done or what's not said and done after you talk to her. go talk to her and chase her down for your sake.

it's like texting someone and not getting a response.

you text because you wanted to say something...it's for your purpose. it doesn't matter if you get a response or not...for your own sake you reached out.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You will look like an idiot if you try pouring your heart out again, and honestly, you look, a bit, like an idiot for entertaining this again. Maybe not an idiot, but a fool in love for sure. This girl is an attention whore and she knows she has you wrapped around her finger. Cut off all contact with her, ignore her. Don't respond to anything she says, unless/until she asks why you've been ignoring her or my personal favorite, "are you mad at me?", tell her, you have romantic feelings for her and you don't want a repeat of what happened before, so if she doesn't feel the same way then it's not healthy for you to maintain a friendship on any level with her. Politely ask her not to contact you anymore unless her feelings change. If she never asks, then she doesn't care anyway, and time for you to move on.

Don't be bitter or make it look like you're trying to "punish" her, because that will just look silly; just be direct and matter of fact. Instead, it should look like you're just totally moving on from her, which should be what you are really doing.

[F4L]

You will look like an idiot if you try pouring your heart out again, and honestly, you look, a bit, like an idiot for entertaining this again. Maybe not an idiot, but a fool in love for sure. This girl is an attention whore and she knows she has you wrapped around her finger. Cut off all contact with her, ignore her. Don't respond to anything she says, unless/until she asks why you've been ignoring her or my personal favorite, "are you mad at me?", tell her, you have romantic feelings for her and you don't want a repeat of what happened before, so if she doesn't feel the same way then it's not healthy for you to maintain a friendship on any level with her. Politely ask her not to contact you anymore unless her feelings change. If she never asks, then she doesn't care anyway, and time for you to move on.

Don't be bitter or make it look like you're trying to "punish" her, because that will just look silly; just be direct and matter of fact. Instead, it should look like you're just totally moving on from her, which should be what you are really doing.

Its okay, you can call me an idiot, lol.

I agree with ya. Problem is, its very hard for me to cut off contact with her, she lives 2 minutes away from me, and we see each other so often, and talk so often, it'd be such a difficult thing to do. I guess it can be done. The way I do feel when I'm with her is truly amazing, I don't get that feeling anywhere else, and yes, I am scared of losing her altogether, which is obviously what holds back everyone in these "best friend" situations. Like I said, I feel as if she has matured, and isn't the same girl who toyed around with me 2 years ago, and then again, I don't believe I am the same man I was back then either. I've been through a lot since then, and ultimately, it has made me a stronger person. I just want to see if I can give it one last go, we live once, I don't want to end up living with regrets, but then again, that fear of denial, and loss of friendship hangs over my head. I really tried looking at her as only a friend, but its impossible to control.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I really tried looking at her as only a friend, but its impossible to control.

This is why it's unhealthy to maintain this friendship. My approach lets her know you have strong feelings, but you can live without her and will be aiming your attention elsewhere. My approach is infinitely more attractive than your desperate, "i jerk off to you every night" approach. Her need for attention is being met by you already so she has no reason to want more from you. You need to take that away from her, and see if she really wants you. You say you've been through a lot and changed right? Show her you're not the pushover that you were before and cut her off.

Try my approach for a month. You will either A)get the girl or B) realize that you can live your life just fine without her, once she's not right there in front of you. After a month, if she hasn't called and you feel you've made no progress in moving on, then try your pussy approach. Just remember, pussies are not attractive, especially not to man eaters.

There is only one guarantee I can make you with my method, and this is that you will know where you stand for certain with her, and you won't be in limbo.

[AustinPowers1]

I would just tell her again bro but be prepard for it to be over all together. Eiter way whether she feels the same or not you'll feel better knowing. But if she doesnt feel the same wish her good luck and just tell her your missing out on a great guy but i hope you find someone who treats you right, you don't have to be an ass about it but make it clear either you can't just be friends with her.

If you really have gorwn as a personm prove it and feel confident in yourself when telling her your feelings

[F4L]

I really tried looking at her as only a friend, but its impossible to control.

This is why it's unhealthy to maintain this friendship. My approach lets her know you have strong feelings, but you can live without her and will be aiming your attention elsewhere. My approach is infinitely more attractive than your desperate, "i jerk off to you every night" approach. Her need for attention is being met by you already so she has no reason to want more from you. You need to take that away from her, and see if she really wants you. You say you've been through a lot and changed right? Show her you're not the pushover that you were before and cut her off.

Try my approach for a month. You will either A)get the girl or B) realize that you can live your life just fine without her, once she's not right there in front of you. After a month, if she hasn't called and you feel you've made no progress in moving on, then try your pussy approach. Just remember, pussies are not attractive, especially not to man eaters.

There is only one guarantee I can make you with my method, and this is that you will know where you stand for certain with her, and you won't be in limbo.

Its not as desperate as you make it seem. We both enjoy each other's company, and she initiates contact a bit more than I do, when in the past it was the polar opposite. I see where you're coming from, in the sense that she has what she wants from me right now. I haven't spoken to her in 2 days now, so its a start. I wish there was a better way to go about, however.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I'm most certainly not the one making it sound desperate.

She can initiate contact all she wants, you're her emotional tampon(*doppelgaenger) and an endless source of free male attention. Don't get it twisted, what she's doing does not show romantic interest in the slightest. Two days is certainly a start, and I sincerely hope you're able to keep indefinitely, as I hate to people in your situation...whipped for no reason. You wish there was a better way to go about it, than growing some balls and taking control of the situation? I understand your torment, I really do(many of us here do), but you need to show her that you've changed into someone who isn't afraid to take the reigns and is in control of their life, rather than whining(which is what it will sound like) to her about what you've been through and how much you've changed.

[F4L]

I'm most certainly not the one making it sound desperate.

She can initiate contact all she wants, you're her emotional tampon(*doppelgaenger) and an endless source of free male attention. Don't get it twisted, what she's doing does not show romantic interest in the slightest. Two days is certainly a start, and I sincerely hope you're able to keep indefinitely, as I hate to people in your situation...whipped for no reason. You wish there was a better way to go about it, than growing some balls and taking control of the situation? I understand your torment, I really do(many of us here do), but you need to show her that you've changed into someone who isn't afraid to take the reigns and is in control of their life, rather than whining(which is what it will sound like) to her about what you've been through and how much you've changed.

Once again, all understandable, I was hoping there would be better alternatives to this situation. I still have had no direct contact with her, yet she comments on every status I update on Facebook. I appreciate your care, and your advice, I truly do. The more I do think about it, I do believe more and more that I'm just there for attention, a male figure giving her this at no cost. I am hoping something works out, but being down this road before floods me with doubts. I'm hoping the 2 years of growth I have been through will do the trick this time.