Is It Okay to Feel Like This Still?

[akumude]

My first boyfriend, now that I've had time to look back on it, was a bit mentally/verbally abusive. He'd pick fights and put me down and make me feel as if everything was my fault. He'd break up with me every other month then sweet talk me back. Eventually he broke up with me for good and I'm currently with someone who treats me right and makes me happy.

Problem is my ex and I still have many of the same friends. For a while, when I was single, he was picking fights and trying to tell everyone I was just "hanging around" to try and get him back. (This honestly was not the case. I really just wanted to spend time with my friends, and maybe be friends with him again. Any possibilities of getting together again in the future wasn't something I wanted to think about.) It got to the point he went through another girl's phone, read our text conversation as she consoled me on a fight he'd made very public, and twisted my words around. He attacked me with nasty text messages. We fought more, and I stopped going to the group despite EVERYONE else's protests. I didn't deserve to be treated like that, and I felt somewhat violated by his snooping.

Eventually I came across him at a party, while with my new boyfriend. Now the ex tries acting like we're good friends. In fact, he'll bring up old inside jokes, talk about old dates, etc. I would respond to him, but keep replies short and try walking away.
He has not dated anyone since we broke up.

I'm still really mad about him going through that girl's phone, many months ago. While we don't really message one another, if we cross paths he continues the old in-jokes and good friends act. Is it okay I'm still really angry at the poor treatment? At the accusations? I doubt he's just trying to be friends, or am I paranoid?

Furthermore, I'd been friends with this one girl before he knew her. In fact, her phone was the one he'd gone through. Since then, I guess they've started talking regularly. I'm not particularly worried they'll date; she's very fickle and just likes lots of attention. The problem is she knows how he treated me, she saw plenty of it happen. Now she hardly speaks to me and they act like good friends. I know he's a charmer (he cares very much what other people think and will always put on a face in public), but is male attention THAT important to her? I feel betrayed by this friend, and almost like he's been feeding her lies. I'm not really going to try asking what he's said, or if that's even going on. If it is and she believes it, she's not a very good friend, I know this. But is it okay I feel so betrayed? Not only that she would talk to him so much, but that he'd talk to her knowing she and I were close once?

I really am happy with my current boyfriend, I would never want to go back to all those tears. But why does it STILL hurt? Why did my ex try so hard to make me look like the bad guy? Is pride the reason I feel so betrayed?

[Wizard]

My only advice to you is to not focus so much on the who, why, what, and wheres about it. So what if he made you out to be the bad guy. He did that to save face. If you have a good guy now, be fair to him and appreciate him instead of letting your pride interfere. Good guys are hard to come by and it's not fair to him that your thinking about your ex. Your current boyfriend is more please when you are thinking about him, I'm sure. Let it go and live a happy life. I've been made to look like the bad guy before and I got so defensive. I knew that wasn't the case, it didn't matter what everyone thought. I knew the truth. I hope this helps any. Take care.

[ashley89]

it's OK to still feel mad, he hurt your feelings and caused you a lot of pain. but now you are happy with someone else, and he is not. he obviously has a bunch of his own personal issues, and it's not your fault. so if you run into him say hi and keep it cordial, but don't let him get to you like that. the past is the past!

[akumude]

I am trying to just ignore it, but it's the first time I've had to do so, so it's a learning process. I feel guilty for even being mad, which was half the purpose of asking the question. I recall finding it hilarious, once, when my ex popped up in a dream and I told him to just go away. (And then promptly continued mowing down the zombie hordes with a machine gun.)

I guess I just needed outside sources to tell me what you guys did. It helps, thank you.