I am 30 years old and my fiance is 24. Ever since the birth of our son (her 3rd) in early July my fiance has a total aversion to sex or even the idea of or talk about sexual activity. Before and during the pregnancy she loved sex, so much so in-fact that many times I struggled to keep up. Our son is 7 months old now and since his birth we have been intimate a total of only 2 times. The first time she agreed after weeks upon weeks of my basically all but begging. The next day the subject of out “activities” the night before came up in conversation. She said that she did not particularly enjoy it and just let it happen so she wouldn't have to hear about it for awhile. She also added that she had been doing fine without sex.
Very early in the morning one day, 3-4:00am she woke me up and asked me if I was in the mood. I of course jumped at the idea. This time she seemed to enjoy our “activities” more & I didn't hear any negative aftermath the following day. Since this isolated incident it's been a lot of the same old story. Just the thought or mention of physical intimacy seems to appall her. On a couple occasions she has even become quite angry at my advances. She has suggested several times that I should “take care of matters myself.” I rarely if ever masturbate because doing so feels very wrong and dirty. In my past experience after I masturbate I feel terribly depressed, the worst depression I have ever felt in my life. Afterwards it's a feeling of pure despair. I can only compare it to the way I might feel if I had killed someone. My fiance knows of this personal issue I have but I don't think she believes me or if she does she does not understand.
I've tried talking to her about my feelings toward this new persona she's taken on but at the very mention of anything sexual she becomes agitated and I end up talking to a brick wall. All in all her constant rejections are damaging our relationship. I've lately stopped trying or even trying to talk about the issue to avoid having my head bitten off.
I'm not a chauvinist or a pervert as my fiance called me recently. I do however enjoy intimacy as much as any 30 year old male would be expected to. I love my fiance very much and plan to marry her this June. Intimacy and making love makes my love for her feel just that much more validated. I feel as if a part of our relationship that once existed has died or is no longer available, like a part of “us” is missing. She claims to be happy and satisfied with our family & home life. She says she still loves me just the same. She just simply has taken a total aversion to sex. We are done having children. My fiance elected to get an IUD to protect us from becoming pregnant again. I do not understand why my fiance's feelings toward intimacy have changed so much. She keeps saying “sex is not everything,” and I do agree. It's just difficult to go from having a very active sex life just over 6 months ago to having next to none now.
If anyone has had a similar experience. Does it get any better? I fear that all of this and the accompanying lack of communication about the issue may be warning signs. I just hope it's not the beginning of the end of our relationship. Any advice is appreciated.