My Best friend broke my heart

[myiond]

I have been best friends with this girl for over tens years. We have been through a lot together and we always seemed to work things out. Before I met her I used to be friends with another girl who wasn't very nice to me. She never had anything nice to say to me or about me. She was constantly comparing herself to me. It was like a competition and she was always looking to see me fail. The list is endless. Anyway when I met my best friend I told her about this girl and turns out she had someone similar close to her which in a way made us even closer.
My bf constantly asked me to stop being friends with her but I was still looking for the best in her. My family told me to stay away as well because she wasn't a good friend and that she was trying to come between me and my best friend. I told them that would never happen. Anyway 3 years ago they started talking more and my bf and I reduced on talking and now they are best friends “I know they told me” when my bf had a baby she asked her to be the baby's god mother first before she asked me.
I know this may sound childish but this whole thing has hurt me tremendously. Before me and my bf used to talk 3 to four times a day now we talk maybe once every 1 to 2 months. In the last 2 years she has really tired to reach out to me (while still being close to her) but I find myself pulling away. I don't trust her, I am always picking my words carefully. Even though I don't talk to this other girl, lots of things have said about me behind my back and before I would have told my bf but have not. Why do I feel so hurt. Is something wrong me, I mean ain't our friends supposed to have the friends they want? I just feel betrayed and stubbed in the back.

[sweetkissesforu]

My friend who i thought was my best friend stop talking to me once she got a bf and i did not have one her lost i now know that she was just a user i did alot for her more then she will admit

[Girl74]

It is totally normal to feel that way. Someone loves you one minute then the next they appear to be rejecting you. This can be deeply hurtful. I think it would be helpful to explore why you feel hurt and perhaps the reasons why she has behaved so selfishly. Are there any other underlying factors that may have damaged the rship between you that you may have overlooked? Perhaps this girl is very selfish and me me me? Perhaps she is not worthy of being your best friend? Perhaps she lacks empathy? Has she come from a stable background? If not she may struggle with close rships. Some relationships are transient. Sometimes people find someone else that they connect on a deeper level with. Perhaps she has other motives for hooking up with the other girl, like this girl is friends with a guy she fancies etc. There are so many possibilities/reasons other than you are not good enough to be her BF. How long have you known her and how did you meet her? How old are you? If you are school age - under 16, I would definitely not worry about it too much, you're going to meet lots of lovely people in your life who will enrich you and be good friends. Trust seems very important to you, and it is generally to everyone but people who have been hurt in past via abuse, bullying, family break up etc will feel the hurt of betrayal a little harder than someone who has been brought up minus the aforementioned. If this is the case for you I would strongly recommend seeing a counsellor so you can explore these feelings further, it may help should you come across this in future situations/relationships.

Sometimes it can be hard for some people to show feelings, especially if they are fearful of how the other might respond. I personally think what is causing you the most pain may be the fact that you are deeply hurt and you are stopping yourself from verbalising this to her. It sounds almost like you are almost scared to go there? If she meant that much to you perhaps it would be worth telling her how it really made you feel. Then you are owning your feelings and validating yourself. Your feelings are important and though it can be awkward telling someone if they have hurt you and how you feel about it it can be a huge relief/release to let it out. As long as you deliver it/say it in a tentative gentle way at an appropriate moment it should be received/heard gently and hopefully she won't get defensive or angry. Try to put her in your shoes...you will be doing her a favour too..you will be enlightening her, she'll learn something about herself and how others perceive her and hopefully she won't treat someone like that again, or at least think twice or be honest. She may have feelings too about you that she is scared to verbalise...perhaps something you said upset her or she lost her trust in you? These are all things to reflect on. Humans are very selfish beings by nature and sometimes its hard to step out the box and into another's and see their point of view.

Verbalising your feelings is better than keeping them in, even if you are just verbalising it to yourself. If you do speak to her about how it made you feel I think face to face is best though sometimes an email or letter can be easier - but I think it is braver to say it to the face; then give yourself a big pat on the back for being so brave. Remember your feelings are important and you should never dismiss them or hide them away, especially if you feel angry.

Good Luck,
K.