A Promise: I'm Giovanni and I'll Always be here for you. [Corny]

**SelflessnHumble** · 02-01-11, 02:43 AM

Hello and Happy New Year everyone...

Ever since I can remember I've always been a little different although I rarely showed this due to my own fears...
I was brought up in an abusive home, grew up with gang members, drug dealers and fiends.
I was a good, bright kid but I wasn't loved, often neglected and/or verbally/mentally or physically abused..
habitually made fun of and bullied because of my appearance...I was constantly insecure
and routinely skipped school just to avoid the name calling and embarrassments that would ensue.

Even though this happened to me: I began to emit character and developed a sense of humor.
But as a steep price to pay (as a side effect) I began to always talk crap about people, citing their flaws
and exploited them just as it had been done to me.

My first relationship I was used, cheated on, maliciously demeaned and even had her cry to my peers to garner sympathy.
The stigma of this connotation never went away and it consumed me internally. So I made a choice:

*I* chose to become: insensitive, selfish, self entitled, privileged, lying, cheating, collusive, manipulating, a thief, deceitful
a bigot, a racist, and everything else in between. I hated everyone and just hated myself:
Which was my basis for hating any and everything especially people.

I never believed in love, much less unconditional love and when I thought I did
I used sexual/seductive methods to use women and to use "love" as a means to continuously
keep the veil over their heads while I cheated repeatedly thinking it was great.

If someone had the brevity to tell me anything I reacted with an endless rage and loved to argue, make people cry and just hurt.
It felt good to make people feel as miserable as me and it never felt wrong to do this. I used my words
as weapons and used every bit of effort and creative ingenuity at my disposal to hurt others. I was in a very bad place.

At one point I had thought I was the Anti-Christ due to my proficiency at being so cruel, callous and methodical.

I blamed my parents for my existence, I held them accountable for my
mistakes and for my decisions never knowing or thinking that I could ever be the cause for my own suffering...

Over the course of time and extensive experience with people and relationships I'd discovered
that I had left a bloody trail of collateral damage and broken "hearts" that from my point of view:
had never mended. I began to see and feel the destruction of my actions and began
to shed my villainous skin and everything became clear as crystal!

I began my crusade to do the right thing and ask forgiveness of these people I had transgressed upon.
I began to feel some sort of spiritual connection to every one and every thing living. It was a weird but great feeling!

I decided to live as I should live: with humility, affirmation, open communication, honesty
and most of all unconditional love. I've never given up on anyone and I've always never known why. Till now.

I began to love and respect myself and this flowed outward and people could see it and even feel it.
All of my anger had been replaced with servitude and I began to appreciate this life I'd been given: The ultimate gift
I'd ever received. I forgave my mother, and my father for everything. I sought to incite peace, love and instill integrity
amongst my peers. I've never been so happy in all of my life even though I've never been so poor in all my life!

In a weird sort of way I'm like the 5th Element (definitely not perfect) but I feel as though
I've been sent here to love and protect people. It had always been in my nature to do so and it was inexplicably
always in my mind to see the good in people even though my anger took control of my life because I allowed it.

I'm not a clairvoyant nor psychic ( I don't feel they are real)
I just love people which I know sounds corny lol, but I do and just want to share my
knowledge and experiences for the greater good.

I hope to see all of you very soon so Take Care and Happy New Year!