Weird Situation I Need Some Help With....

[Steve H]

Hi All,

I Am In A Bit Of A Bad Situation That I Need Some Guidance With. I Met A Lovely Girl (Clare) On The 4th January This Year, And Everything Moved Very Quickly, In That I Mean We Had Moved In Together Within A Week And Everything Was Trundling Along Just Nicely. She Was A Primary School Teacher And I Run My Own Garage. She Started Struggling With Work, (I.e She Was Marking Books @ 12pm Every Night And Was In Tears When She Had To Leave For Work In The Morning) And So Resigned To Come And Work In The Garage With Me To Build It And Grow It Together. Our Relationship At This Point Was Fantastic, I Got On Great With Her Kids, We Went Out With Them Every Friday, Swimming/Bowling/Etc... You Name It, We Done It, And The Kids Love Me To Bits. However, On The 6th Feb, A Note From Her Ex Was Pushed Through Our Door With His Telephone Number On It (This Is An Ex Called Paul From 5 Months Ago) And So As She Was So Happy With Me The Note Got Binned. 7th Feb, Paul Turns Up At The House Begging For Forgivness Etc... Wants Another Chance... And Is Told Politely To Go Away By Clare As She Is Very Happy And He's Missed The Boat. Anyway, For Reasons Un Be Known To Me, She Starts Txting This Paul, And On The 8th Tells Me That She Needs To Give It Another Go With Him, I've Given Her Everything She Ever Wanted, But Now Paul Is Ready To Give It To Her As Well. ( I Add That Paul Is A Drug Taking Tattooed Skinhead With No Job Etc...) And So She's Now Seeing Paul And I Have Left. I Did Do Something Rather Out Of The Ordinary And Go To See The Kids Dad, Who Was Gutted That We'd Split Up And He Wants Me To Carry On Seeing The Kids As I Am A Positive Role Model For Them Etc...

I Took The Kids Out Friday 11th Bowling And We All Had A Great Time, Dropped Them Off And Clare Tells Me She Misses Me, Kids Ask Me To Phone Them To Say Night Night Before They Go To Sleep Etc.. Which I Do Without Problem.

Pauls Track Record Is Not A Good One, The Kids Dont Like Him, He Doesnt Want The Kids / Clare / Just To Take Everything She Can Give And Sex And Then Move On, Breaking Her Heart And Leaving Her And The Kids In Bits. This Has Been Proven By The Amount Of Times They Split Up / Got Back Last Year.

My Question Is This -

1) Do I Hang Around For A Little While In The Background To See What Happens / Pick Up The Pieces When He Breaks Her?

2) Do I Continue Seeing The Kids ? (I'd Like To, I Love Them)

3) Is This My Problem ??

Ta For Any Input, Little Lost @ The Mo

Steve

[jv1189]

Hey, sounds like a tough situation indeed. I can tell you really care about them so just ask yourself how long you intend to hang around and wait. I'm sure if the other guy is a douche then she will come to her senses, but how long do you want to be on the sidelines, and do you really want to clean up after the mess? If you see that they will go no where and you enjoy the kids then just give your self a time frame to work with. This way if things work out for you guys then great! but if things don't look bright then at least you get to have the closure with the kids for the time you allow yourself. try not to dwell on the family so much that you lose your life though-stay involved with friends along the way.
Good luck

[HeartIsAching]

No, don't hang around.

I'd not bother with the kids either. If you moved in together, who moved out?

[carl1222]

Answer to your three questions:

1) Definitely not

2) Sadly, no

3) Nope, not your problem after ony 5 weeks together!

[oneandonly]

....I'm sure if the other guy is a douche then she will come to her senses...

Come to her senses?!?! If she had any senses at all, she wouldn't have left the good guy for Paul, who sounds like a great catch by the way! ha!

Why would you waste your time, OP, for someone who already left you for another guy?

Everyone is different. But personally, I would never ever take back a guy who left me for another girl because I will never forget that. I know it will haunt me for the rest of my life if I choose to be with him. From that perspective alone, a fresh start sounds far healthier than the old tainted one.

[MerryH]

1) Do I Hang Around For A Little While In The Background To See What Happens / Pick Up The Pieces When He Breaks Her?

No, she made her decision. She doesn't want to be with you.

2) Do I Continue Seeing The Kids ? (I'd Like To, I Love Them)

No. Sadly, their mother puts them in situations where they get close to the men she dates for very short periods of time. This is tragic, but it would be confusing for the kids if you stuck around and it would probably cause more disturbances within their family (fights/disagreements between you and Paul, you and their mother, getting dragged into her and Paul's bullshit.)

3) Is This My Problem ??

No. Walk away quietly and completely and let their mother and father be their parents, no matter how shitty of a job they do. You can't save their family. Get one of your own.