She still feels for her ex, but wants to date me?

[Cerby]

I started dating a girl in January, she had come out of a rough relationship where both her and her ex left hurt. Her and her ex broke up mid-December after a several month downslide in their relationship. I had liked her for a long time, so I waited before going for her, but she actually came around to me. She insisted on making sure I wasn't a rebound, so we've taken things painfully slow, and even slowed things down recently again because she's "just not ready yet".

Last night she foolishly left her phone on at the last message she had texted him, and it said "I still love you too, but I think we're looking for different things, we can't just date forever, I want a future with you, if you can promise that I'm there" (thank you iphone for a huge message screen) I couldn't bring myself to actually look through the rest of her phone history, but anything left visible on the table is fair game. Anyways, I was floored by this.

I asked her shortly after if she was over her ex (she doesn't know I saw the message) and she told me she wasn't (so she was truthful here). But she also told me it was a bad relationship and she wouldn't ever consider going back with him (again, she doesn't know I saw that message). We haven't been dating long enough to make an emotional or physical commitment, but I know she is struggling with her ex, he really wants her back, calling and texting her every day.

She has told me she considers me something she wants to build on, does for sure want to date me and that I'm noot any kind of rebound. It just happened that this opportunity came up soon after the last one left and she had to take it.

I feel very uneasy about what is going on, but I don't want to pry any further than I have. I find that I'm slowly but surely falling for this girl, and if she is going to hurt me, I'd rather it be sooner than later.

Should I be worried or just relax and see what happens?

[MerryH]

She has told me she considers me something she wants to build on, does for sure want to date me and that I'm noot any kind of rebound.

But...you are. You situation is pretty much the textbook definition of a rebound. She's not over her ex so she has no business dating other people. Yes, you're going to get hurt. Didn't you already, with her lying to your face about never getting back with him?

[Cerby]

Yea, now that I wrote it down it looks pretty ugly. . .Damn shame, I've liked this girl for a long time, but perhaps she knew that and this is why we are where we are.

[Felipe]

Dang man, i'm totally in the same situation (pretty sure she is over her ex though). Good luck. I told the girl I'm interested in that we'll date when she's ready, but until then I'm going to do my own thing. Might work for you, but again good luck.

[smackie9]

You can make this work in your favor but you have to be so damn good that she will for get about her ex.....good luck.