Hi Guys I really need some help, I feel so so down
Heres the back story. I am a English girl, 25 living in Australia. Last year in july I was travelling back to the UK to see my family when I had a couple of hours wait in perth airport. I was usuing the internet booth and the guy in the one next to me was tom, the reason why I am writing this. Somehow we started chatting, he was with his brother and friend, I was alone. Anyway, the flight from there was to phuket as a stop over, i didn’t sit next to them on the plane but whilst waiting in the terminal for the next flight onto Kuala lumpar they came and chatted to me again, and tom even came to find me in the smokers lounge to tell me the next flight was boarding which was nice of him. Again, we were sat separately, but once we arrived at kualar lumpar we all had a big 7 hour wait till our next flight and turned out they were catching the same one as they were contiki’ng around Europe so they asked if i wanted to get a drink with them and some Chinese food. It was great, I got on with tom really well, to the point where when we were boarding the last big flight I felt quite sad to say goodbye, but then guess what, turns out our seats were next to each other! We couldn’t believe it, we spent the whole time watching films together and chatting about life. (talking about this makes me smile so much its ridiculous)
Anyway, once we reached London we said our goodbyes, swapped names for facebook and said when we are both back in oz we should meet for a drink, and that was it. From time to time id get a silly drunken facebook comment, or he would come on facebook chat and we’d joke about having this date
The months rolled on, and then in jan of this year i happened to be going to his home town (perth) from mine (broome) which is a 3 hour flight away, and he randomly popped up on facebook chat just before my trip, we talked about having a date but then he realised we would miss eachother as since being back from his trip he is working as an electrician on the mines 3 weeks on 1 week off. He gave me his new mobile number and said to keep in touch and we would sort something out as I was going to be down end of feb again for a mates birthday, and boy did we keep in touch! We ended up from about jan 9th to now (about 7 weeks) talking EVERY day, about 5 phonecalls, 30 texts, 10 pic/video messages, and video chatting at night. The attraction was definitely still there big time. Sounds ridiculous but we talked about kids names and all that nonsense! It felt like we were falling in love he said he wanted a future with me. He remembered to a T exactly what I was wearing at the airport when we met and still have a video on his camera he made of me at the time. At first I was reserved as I knew he had been a bit of a player in the past never wanting to settle down etc, but he said he was over it all and wants something special with someone, and wants me. He made me feel like the most special person in the world. We both felt like we were falling, and very nearly said the 3 words to one another but we agreed we owe what we have more than that and wanted to wait til we were in person to make it specia
SO..... last Thursday (24th feb) I took the flight down to perth from broome, butterflies were going off in my tummy and you couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I arrived at his house and his mum was there waiting for me as he was at an appointment, she was so lovely. Then I heard him coming through the door, i was shaking, I saw him, he came straight over and gave me a kiss, and it felt so right. That night we had sex and i was lying in his arms and I made the HUGE mistake of turning round and saying “its crazy but i love you” and his response was “im falling for you too” my heart sank, i felt so embarrassed i wanted to cry. He reassured me that he cares, its just not come as quick as he thought it would. We both agreed we had put way too much pressure on us for it to be this amazing, falling in love moment, when really it was that we liked eachother and there was something there. I knew this was the realistic approach but i hated the change that had suddenly happened
Regardless, we had a great 5 days together, he introduced me to all his family at a meal for his grandmas birthday, however when asked by a cousin, “is that your girlfriend” he responded “no” and I felt shattered. I knew we couldn’t really label ourselves as anything at that point cas of the distance and stuff, but I am moving down in 5 months (yes a long time i know) and we decided that until I move down we remain in touch but not be an item because of the worry that would go with it all. I asked if he definitely wanted to keep in touch and he looked at me straight and said “of course I do, I care about you Jem"
The day came when i left, he took me for lunch and then drove me to the airport, he put my hand on the gear stick and put his on top, i was trying not to be down and mopey but inside i was heartbroken, when we got to the airport he got out and gave me a big hug and kiss and said “have a safe flight and we’ll talk later yeah”. Once sat on the plane I think I cried for the whole 3 hours back to broome. A few texts were exchanged once I was back... they were as follows (this was yesterday)
Me: thanks for a great week was so nice to see you x
Him: i had a blast was so happy when i saw you, cant believe you left your dora explora towel here for you to remember me by
Me: me too, i got pretty upset on the plane back. I left my dora towel?!? NOOO!
Him: you left it for me you mean. When your down for your work conference next month I will bring it to you. Yeah craze (his dog) was crying on the way home too. We will both miss you
Me: aw was she?! See the women are always the wimps! Honestly I didn’t stop crying til I got off the plane it was ridiculous. feelin a bit lost I guess
Him: yeah its still like, wow, ok, what happens now as didn’t go to plan
Me: ?
Him: as we agreed yesterday it would be too hard long distance
Me: yeah sucks, worst feeling ever knowing its the only option really, do you reckon we should stop texting and stuff?
Him: no I would never want that
Me: this is so f*cking hard tom
Him: i know why aren’t you here
Me: u have no idea how much I wish I was
Him; but we know not for like 5 months
Me; could be less
Him: i know but its still a massive amount of time
Me: I don’t want you hangin round waitin for me to be there cas your a great bloke who deserves to be happy and wouldn’t want you to put everything on hold. Even though its so hard i know i have to let it go
Him: i know what you mean as i want you to have fun and live life
Me: i even miss you poking me all the time!
Him: knew it
Me: it would have never worked anyway, you don’t like mushrooms, pfft!
Him: learn to love peas then come back
Me: if you cant love me for the pea hater I am then we are better off apart
Him; fine haha! Night babe
Me: night
And that was it, its now 1pm the next day, haven’t heard anything from him. Usually wake up with a text from him, and would of had 46752765 calls and texts, but nothing! . I am heartbroken, I feel like ive gone from having someone who wants the world with me, to nothing of importance, im a mess, i cant concentrate at work. I don’t know what to do or say. I feel unwanted , rejected, confused, put out, alone, let down. I don’t wanna chase him, i just don’t wanna let it go, I am trying to do everything to sort my move to perth quicker cas he has said once im down there we can start dating properly. I am lost, please someone give me some advice
Thank you in advance