Is she really this indecisive or just screwing with me??

[Allegedly Dave]

Okay, so this girl and I had a casual fling for a brief time but then she had a pregnancy scare and said she wanted to stop having sex until she was on birth control. So she got it but sex suddenly wasn't on the table anymore. She was/is involved with some other guy which, while I was hurt by it, was perfectly fair for her to do since we weren't dating. So we ended up just being friends and have remained so for about four months. We hang out 3-4x a week for hours at a time, which seems like a lot considering she has a "boyfriend" of sorts, right? We're very close, have a lot in common... to sum it up briefly, we have the type of relationship where we essentially finish each others sentences.

There's a variety of signs that she is still into me... I think. If I tell her I'm going to the gym tonight she'll say I should wait till morning so we can workout together. She'll tell me she's wearing a skirt before she comes over (hint hint??). Just a couple weeks ago we were drinking and passed out together on her bed, just holding hands. She even wanted to discuss ways to hypothetically tell her parents that she wants to move with me to Los Angeles!

So what does she tell me yesterday? She said this other guy and her have been unofficial up to this point but as of now they are "officially official". And then she proceeded to tell me she's still on the fence about moving to L.A. with me annnnnnd plans to dye her hair red like Mary Jane. (She's plenty aware that I'm a Spider-Man fanatic.)

Is she ****ing with me or really just being indecisive? I'd like to believe she has a very weak relationship with the other guy and assumes it will wind up being a short term thing, ending well before the time that we'd be potentially moving away together. Or she's afraid I'll stop seeing her because of her supposed relationship so she's purposefully dangling the idea of moving just to keep my hopes alive.

I just don't get it. Ladies, I hope you have some insights/advice because I am at a loss. And yes, I've communicated to her that I desire to be more than friends so she's fully aware of where I stand. I told her that even though she says we're just "good friends", I'm convinced that she's interested in me romantically. Her reply to that assumption? "Of course I am!"

We had a previous physical relationship... check. She and I both have emotional feelings for each other... check.

So... why aren't we dating again?

[hello1]

Because she found a guy she emotionally liked ALOT BETTER. You are a good friend and sex buddy, she is keeping you hanging on in case new guy doesnt work out. Yeah you need to man up and move on

[HeartIsAching]

She's playing games with you, wanting you to force the issue, or break up. Dunno what is on her mind exactly, but she's a coward that won't do/say what she wants, and is trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants you to do.

[Allegedly Dave]

Because she found a guy she emotionally liked ALOT BETTER. You are a good friend and sex buddy, she is keeping you hanging on in case new guy doesnt work out. Yeah you need to man up and move on

Actually, I think she likes the new guy for physical reasons. Which leads me to believe they won't last long since any relationship based primarily on sex rarely has legs. But I agree she's probably keeping me around for when that inevitably falls apart. Not a position I'm fond of. She txted the other day that she needed a ride to Walmart and wanted to drink (she doesn't have a car). I told her it's good she has a boyfriend to help her out.

[Allegedly Dave]

She's playing games with you, wanting you to force the issue, or break up. Dunno what is on her mind exactly, but she's a coward that won't do/say what she wants, and is trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants you to do.

She's definitely playing some kind of game. Why and to what end, I do not know. I told her that after 4 months of being just friends, I was tired of waiting and hoped she'd figure out what she wants. I pointed out her contradictions and told her the time for sitting on the fence was over. No more "maybes". I'll hang out with her still on a limited basis, but the days of paying for dinners/drinks etc are over.

[Allegedly Dave]

Also interesting... the night she and I passed out at her place (maybe 3 weeks ago now?) I remember her phone blowing up with txt messages. I had the opportunity to see the latest txt and it was the guy (Erik) and he'd written "who u fukkin tara?!" Clearly their relationship has trust issues. By comparison, she's house-sat for me when I was out of town with the only key I have to my place and she's told me I'm the only person she feels secure around to completely act like herself. AKA, we have a mutual level of trust and security that she and Erik seem to lack.

[HeartIsAching]

I had the opportunity to see the latest txt

we have a mutual level of trust and security that she and Erik seem to lack.

Those two sentences contradict each other.

[vertical_sky]

Personally, and this is just me, I think you're friend-zoned. I read her behavior as stuff she'd do with a really close female friend... She might get a charge out of having your male attention, but working out together, discussing her wardrobe with you (if I tell a male I am wearing a skirt, it is sexual ONLY if I then invite them to put their hand up it) sounds like BFF activities. Yeah maybe her and bf only have a physical relationship... But you and her only have an emotional relationship. And, hate to say it, but a romantic relationship NEEDS a physical side.

I'd pull away and start treating her as more of a casual friend.

[Allegedly Dave]

I have definitely pulled back. We'll see what happens...

[Allegedly Dave]

Those two sentences contradict each other.

Only if she had something to hide. I look at her cell on rare occasions, she probably looks at mine... it's cool. In that instance I only looked because the cell was going off every other minute and I wanted to make sure it wasn't a family emergency kind of deal. There were more txts but I didn't look; just saw the one on the front screen.

[HeartIsAching]

Only if she had something to hide. I look at her cell on rare occasions, she probably looks at mine... it's cool. In that instance I only looked because the cell was going off every other minute and I wanted to make sure it wasn't a family emergency kind of deal. There were more txts but I didn't look; just saw the one on the front screen.

No, that's incorrect. If you trust her, you wouldn't go through her phone. Or look at her mail/email or go through her purse or any of that, period. That's the definition of the word "trust".