Should I hate my husband's mother?

[want2behappy]

When I met her she had major codependency issues with her grandson (my husband's son). So, I told him that this was his kid and if he wanted to spend time with him then do it and she can see him every once in a while.

Well, now I am the bad guy because since he changed his behavior between hiim and his son (for the better I might add -- he is being a much better dad) his mom, sister, and I think his brother blames me. For something so positive???? Shouldn't they be thanking me for supporting his relationship with his son. Maybe not...this family is odd to say the least.

One time he grounded his son because he failed to bring his homework home after several warnings (this was at a time when he had several "F's" on his record so I guess he shouldn't have been concerned). My husband didn't let him attend his counsin's 2 year old party (like she would have rememered anyway) and his mom go so mad she screamed at him and the next time she saw up in public at another family party she ignored us and when we were leaving and trying to give her a hug she didn't even hug us back. REALLY?

Recently, his mother was supposed to come and visist us (we live in another state now) and my parents are temporalily living with us (relocated and are looking for a house)....well, when his mom found out she said she only wanted us to spend 2 days out of the 9 days she would be here with my parents. Were we supposed to ignore my parents??? I am confused. She's never met my parents so why does she have something agains them? What the heck. Then, she told my husband to talk it over with me to see if it would be ok...what the??? So, he actually came to me to ask what we should do...Really??? Needless to say, my husband told her not to come out...after of course a fight happened between us because he didn't just handle it.

I think this woman is whacked. What does anyone else think?

[Regnent]

No, you arn't required to hate her.

My mother is 'whacked'. Last time we visited, there was a 2 hour fight (over the grand kids), followed by, a missed dinner with the wifes mother, and about 3 days of fighting between the wife and myself.

Set your limits, attempt to make sure your husband has his set, and simply follow them. If his mother wants to behave childishly, that's her problem, not yours.

If you hate her, fine, but don't go out of your way to hate her.

[HeartIsAching]

Don't hate her, pity her. She's very controlling, manipulative and is trying to make her son do what she wants. She's doing it the only way she knows, which is to continually ratchet up the pressure. Since it's no longer working, she's likely to continue to up the ante.

Believe me, I know. I haven't had a civil conversation with my mom in 20 years. In fact, I haven't had a conversation with her in 10 years. I don't miss the drama.

[vashti]

It sounds like you and his mom are battling to be the boss of him. Honestly, you both sound pathetic.

His child can only benefit by having more people around to love him. Don't alienate his grandma. And if your mom is living with you while they live in another state, I don't know why it's such a big deal to set aside some time to let his mother enjoy her family.

[want2behappy]

It sounds like you and his mom are battling to be the boss of him. Honestly, you both sound pathetic.

His child can only benefit by having more people around to love him. Don't alienate his grandma. And if your mom is living with you while they live in another state, I don't know why it's such a big deal to set aside some time to let his mother enjoy her family.

I was supportive of what he wanted to do with his son...if he wanted to spend more time with his son versus just handing him over to his grandma then so be it. My huband's mother is really controlling over him and that is why I told him I support him no matter what he decided...so, it would be HIS decision not someone else's.

I think it is rediculous to ask for 7 out of the 9 days completely to herself regardless of the fact that my parent's are living with us (which hasn't been very long). I could see her asking for a couple maybe a few days but to say 7 is pretty over the top. This was a chance for the parents to finally meet and get to know each other...my parent's were excited about it because they are normal healthy people. She was just thinking of herself.

His son was also supposed to come out during this time -- so how do you explain to a teenager that grandma dosn't want to spend time with the other grandparents? I don't think that is a good example to set for a kid. When she made this demand all she talked about was herself and her feelings ... not what was best for everyone. Regardless, I don't think it was right on her part. And, sadly enough, I am glad she didn't come out!

[vashti]

And, sadly enough, I am glad she didn't come out!

yeah, I bet everyone knows it, too.

Just a word of advice.... one day YOU will be the mother in law, and you are teaching your children how you should be treated. You might want to strive for a bit more compassion.

[want2behappy]

yeah, I bet everyone knows it, too.

Nope! Just because she wants to act that way isn't going to encourage me to retaliate. I just let it go and told my husband to deal with her on his own in the future.