Been a few weeks.. This normal?

[JadenMia]

It is impossible 2 to 3 weeks after a breakup to be mentally detached while having sex. Unless you were never mentally 'attached' to them in the first place.

I agree, i would never be able to have sex with him and stay mentally detached. When we have sex, the passion and emotion involved is intense.. I just miss him alot. I saw him at the store today and he looked like sh*t. Made me feel better about myself but sad he is going through hell after thi breakup too. He just looked so sad and now im questioning whether im doing the right thing leaving him. He drives me absolutely crazy.. but yet my life is miserable without him.. I turned my phone off today because i KNOW he will text me after seeing me.. But i just dont know..
This is so confusing..

[neelym2011]

Hun, it is perfectly normal. ALOT of women stay horny all the time, I know I do. There's nothing wrong with you for missing sex with your ex. Im sure we've all missed having sex with our ex's at some point and time but whatever you do DO NOT GET BACK WITH YOUR EX!! If he is abusive you DO NOT need to be with someone like that. Ive been through enough abusive relationships to know that if you keep on getting back together with them just for the sex, it's only going to hurt you in the long run. I say get out, meet new people, hangout with friends, pick up a new hobby or something. It will keep your mind off him.

[bloodtippedrose]

You miss the passion you two shared, not necessarily HIM. You're in your most vulnerable state right now where it's easy to fall back to what makes you comfortable. You have to stay strong and remind yourself constantly WHY you left him and why its best your apart. It only sucks for a little while!

[Janet82]

Find something to do to fulfill your loneliness, you probably think the sex is the only way to get connect with him, but it might end up to just be the sex partner to him. Get more things to do so you don't have a lot of time to concentrate on sex.

[JadenMia]

Ugh. I saw him again and we had sex. I feel like crap.. It felt 'real' for the most part although i know deep down it isnt right. I had so much fun again i was actually happy for that few hours.. He has asked me back and i just havnt spoken to him since or replied to any of his texts or anything. But i do miss him, yet i know he isnt right for me.
I feel let down, yet he has this hold on me like i have never experienced before and i cannot control it.. I just feel so lonely without him and i miss him so much.
It just makes me angry he is like he is. He tells me he wants me back, he tells me im all he wants and would do anything for me. But he doesnt do it. He doesnt be the dad i need him to be for my daughter, he doesnt treat me with the respect i need. The whole thing is a sham and i KNOW it is and i cant live like that. But yet i find it so hard to let it go.. I feel like this is going to be the end of me. Its just so much pain and suffering and i cant explain it to anyone.
Im just going to keep trying to move on and trying to find myself and figure out what i need and want in life. I know il find myself sometime soon.. I just wish it would hurry up and be over with.

[bloodtippedrose]

You have no control over yourself? That is the weakest statement above all. Everyone on this forum told you it was a horrid idea, and you STILL did it.. You're letting yourself get treated like crap

[JadenMia]

You have no control over yourself? That is the weakest statement above all. Everyone on this forum told you it was a horrid idea, and you STILL did it.. You're letting yourself get treated like crap

I know i know its all my fault i feel like this all the time. I let him do it to me and i understand that. I know its weakness, and god do i feel just at my weakest state i have ever felt in my life. I want to do something about it, i feel so strong at times and feel i can do this.. But then it just comes crashing back down on me and im the one who gets hurt and i just feel like i dont want to even be here anymore..It affects my daughter because i am constantly upset about things, stressed out over work, money, him.. I feel like i have just failed at life and am a horrible mother and i honestly wish i would just go to sleep and never wake up again.
I am at my lowest of lows right now.. I am at wits end.

Its okay for people to tell me whats good for me, what i need to do because deep down i know EXACTLY what i need to do. I know it would make me happier in the long run. I am just such a rut in my life, everything is a struggle being a young single mother and i feel like i cannot possibly go through any more BS .. Like my emotions cannot handle anymore.. Leaving him is proving to be the hardest thing i have EVER done in my life, I cant even explain why. I feel at this time in my life with just so much going on, i feel if i endure any more pain than i already am.. That its going to kill me inside.

I am in such a bad place right now.. I need to just talk to somebody.. anybody.

[bloodtippedrose]

Well you've realized it basically can only get better from here on out. Its not completely your fault either, hes a jackass for knowing he doesn't want to be with you but sleeping with you anyway. Breakups are hard on everyone, but even more so if you relied heavily on that person for something. I don't know if you relied on him for financial stability but its obvious you invested alot in making him your emotional stability and now that hes gone its like someone pulled the rug out from under you.

Youre not a bad mother either, you care about being stressed around your daughter and want whats best for her. Just because youre in a rut right now doesnt mean youre a bad mom. Youre going to be looking back on this moment and think "why did i waste so much effort on that douche!"
Youre going through the hardest part of the breakup right now. Its like someone died and youre going thorugh all the emotions, anger.. denial etc.. Its time to start picking up the pieces. Remember everything you hate about the ex. Spend lots of time doing what makes you happy and playing with your daughter. If you can start exercising (youll feel energized and better about yourself). Take lots of time to yourself and for goodness sake stay away from the ex, you can feel how much he drags you down!

[JadenMia]

Yep, i feel like i am mourning something. It makes it worse that he does seem to want to be with me..
If he didnt act the way he did i believe that this would be a lot easier on me. Because he is constantly confessing his love for me, saying he wont let go as he doesnt know what he does wrong. He does do wrong, but sometimes i dont think he actually knows what he's doing. If he just didnt want anything to do with me, it would hurt like a b*tch, but at least i know i wouldnt be losing out on anything. When hes like this, i am constantly asking myself if its the right thing to do. Everytime he hurts me i validate my reasons for believing i am doing the right thing. But then he changes that by his actions afterward.
He is always texting or calling me upset that he doesnt want to be without me, tells me how much he needs me and swears that he doesnt think what he does is wrong. That i am being irrational etc.. Then obviously as i feel the way i do i just give into him..

Then the questions come up, 'am i being irrational?' 'Is it worth leaving someone who loves me?' I just dont know what to think sometimes and i cant really ask anyone about it, Which is why i come on here for opinions. Its just driving me absolutely insane. I honestly feel crazy and just ill within myself. But its nothing compared to when im not with him and there is no contact.. I have always been so independant and smart and i feel i have lost it all and it gets me so down.

[bloodtippedrose]

But its nothing compared to when im not with him and there is no contact.. I have always been so independant and smart and i feel i have lost it all and it gets me so down.

I felt the same when I broke up with my first bf. Broken and lost. Like I was a shadow of someone I used to be. He would try to lure me back but all he wanted was sex and he got it a few times which just made me feel like more shit.

One day i was hanging out with him and we started fighting and he punched a hole in the wall of my parents house. That was my trigger to ditch all contact with him. I threw out his drawings he gave me, hid any gifts from him, deleted him off myspace and his phone number. It was hell not having him around, he basically my only friend. I had to keep telling myself why I hate him and I tried hard to hang around other people, friends of friends. I ended up starting to date another guy, that I really didnt have feelings for, but it helped tremendously to get over the first guy. So did LoveForum!!!!!! My gosh did this site helped. I loved the answers and help and truth from people that I stayed.

Different people have to find different ways that work for them on getting over their ex. Hanging out with other people, dating other people, sleeping around, zero contact, moving, shopping, hobbies, parties.. there are all sorts of ways to occupy your mind to get over him but you have to first KNOW that you want to get over him and youre struggling with that. What are the pros about dating this guy? Are there any? cuz I see none. All he does is lure you into a false sense of security and then bats you around and your daughter has to follow. You really need to stop contacting him and start fulfilling your social, love and belonging needs with another man or group of people.

[JadenMia]

I felt the same when I broke up with my first bf. Broken and lost. Like I was a shadow of someone I used to be. He would try to lure me back but all he wanted was sex and he got it a few times which just made me feel like more shit.

One day i was hanging out with him and we started fighting and he punched a hole in the wall of my parents house. That was my trigger to ditch all contact with him. I threw out his drawings he gave me, hid any gifts from him, deleted him off myspace and his phone number. It was hell not having him around, he basically my only friend. I had to keep telling myself why I hate him and I tried hard to hang around other people, friends of friends. I ended up starting to date another guy, that I really didnt have feelings for, but it helped tremendously to get over the first guy. So did LoveForum!!!!!! My gosh did this site helped. I loved the answers and help and truth from people that I stayed.

Different people have to find different ways that work for them on getting over their ex. Hanging out with other people, dating other people, sleeping around, zero contact, moving, shopping, hobbies, parties.. there are all sorts of ways to occupy your mind to get over him but you have to first KNOW that you want to get over him and youre struggling with that. What are the pros about dating this guy? Are there any? cuz I see none. All he does is lure you into a false sense of security and then bats you around and your daughter has to follow. You really need to stop contacting him and start fulfilling your social, love and belonging needs with another man or group of people.

Ah that is exactly how i feel!! Everything is just fine and dandy when we are alone together, we have sex and lots of it. It is amazing i have to admit, but then as soon as im gone, as soon as i leave his place he just forgets about me. Forgets that i have needs as well as he does. I always try and sit down when i am upset to try and understand his point of view as well as mine.. But it hurts he doesnt do the same.
I now do see its the sex that makes him want to stay.. Because there is no other reason for him to stay. All we do is argue, im always upset at him and he is at me.
I cannot think of any real pro's to stay with him.

The only one being that i am terrified i will be a lonely single mother.. Its not exactly what it used to be like when trying to find someone new to be with. Its a whole different story now, when i was childless i could go out and forget about any man or any unreasonable relationship. But now, i stay home stressed out with my misbehaving daughter. Its hard to stay strong when it feels your bring chipped away at. 9 hour work days for no money at all, my daughter who is 3 is just at the worst stage ever, it brings me to tears.
So instead of staying home doing things i enjoy, going out and seeing friends.. I am stuck home pretty much in tears every night. I think a big reason i stay is because he accepts im a mother.. Doesnt really go with the 'daddy flow'.. Which i know i need but i just dont see myself finding that.

I have to say, this site is helping me more and more everyday. Even though it seesm i may not take advice i get here, but i really do. Im starting to stick up for myself more. I now know what is acceptable from him and what isnt. Whereas before all i had was his word and my confused thoughts. I know our whole relationship is coming to an end.. Im not really putting in my effort as i was before, i dont do things just because he says.. There has been plenty of things that SHOULD have been my triggers to drop him with no contact.. i just find it incredibly hard to do. But i know i will, i know each day i realise more and more what i need to do. I see his selfishness and recognise it more now i have spoken to people on here, i see that when he used to lock me out of our house in -40 weather and leave me 20 minutes in my underwear.. That, that wasnt a joke at all. Thats not acceptable, that is abuse.

I know i can do this by myself, i owe it to my daughter so she doesnt have to live through any of this nightmare.. If its anyone i will do it for, its her..

[Looq]

It seems your only real option is to stick it out. If your not comfortable having casual sex, then you just going to have to wait it out until you find someone. It strikes me that its intimacy in general that your missing so I don't think a one night stand or FWB with solve your problem anyway.

My gf had a similar experience with an abusive boyfriend. She couldn't get the police to do something, so her step-dad got some of the lads that worked for him to kick his teeth in when he staggered home from the pub one night. I would recommend something similar. =P

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

[bloodtippedrose]

This site helped me alot too. I've seen your posts in other threads here, you give good advice, you should continue to help others and accept help.

Being a single mom has got to suck, but instead of telling yourself "I dont want to end up a lonely single mother" youve got to tell yourself that you are SO much better without this guy and you dont need ANYONE to tell you how to raise your kid. You have to realize being alone is SO much better then being with an inconsiderate jackass.

As far as attracting someone else, let me put it this way, if I dressed up like a whore I could attract alot of guys but would they be the right guys? guys Id like to be with? No. So if I act like a goofball like I always am and a geek, then the guys that dont like me wont confront me, but they guys that do like me will. Same with your kid. Alot of guys will be put off by you having a kid but are they the right guy for you? hell no so who cares what they think. There are guys that wont be put off by you having a kid. My best friend is 21, cute guy, in the navy, smart.. and he just started dating a 28 year old with a 4 yr old. Guys are out there, so dont let go of hope and think youre going to be alone forever just cuz you have a kid. Also accept that it probably wont happen overnight.

Your kid is at one of those hellish ages. Screaming and grabbing shit and escaping. No one wants to deal with that crap after a long day of work. Praying for the day she starts preschool. Unfortunately when you're unhappy your kid picks up on that and will in turn lash out. have you ever watched the show Super Nanny or Nanny 911? The kids are going crazy and misbehaving and fighting and screaming, which could all be remedied by the parent spending quality time with their kid or the parents fights resolved by talking out their problems instead of fighting. Your child is still very young, don't let her get to be a hell child by letting her get away with crap or by pushing her away instead of spending time with her. I don't have a kid, so I'm guessing its probably easier said then done! But I think if you strive to spend time with her and find activities outside the home as well as in, she will not lash out as much and it will give you an opportunity to find a different mate. Go grocery shopping with her, take her to the park or zoo.. etc. So not only will she be happy but you can meet guys that know you have a kid upfront. The hard part is finding the time.

[JadenMia]

Yes i love trying to help give others advice and such. This definitely occupies my mind when i have an hour to spare at home!

I totally see and understand everything you have said. He is such a jerk i just need to get away asap. I know i am sooo much better without him. Its just the pain i have to learn to bear right now, thats what i have most trouble with. I will just have to suck it up and put my big girl panties on i guess
I am thinking of just throwing myself into work, doing as much as i can. Little things such as knowing i have done a good day at work, having things at home sorted and clean.. All those things make me feel at peace. I notice a lot of it goes to pot when im sad which is cause for more stress. When my daughter is happy, her needs are met, and things go to plan i dont find myself wishing i was back with him for support etc.. So these are some things i am going to focus on.
Plus, my mother told me she would like to take care of my daughter on saturday night to give me a break.. So im going to go have some fun .. hehe.

Im going to keep working on it, im doing a good job so far.. Iv had a few slip ups but i know everytime i have slipped up it teaches me something.
Thank you so much for your responses!! They help soo much!!

P.s -- Looq.. Il talk to my dad No just kidding. He gets his ass kicked by someone every weekend anyway.. because he cant back up that big gob of his. LOL

[bloodtippedrose]

It sounds like youre getting a good grip of yourself which is awesome. And its very nice of your mom to take care of your daughter when you need it the most. Having a clean house helps too! It becomes a sanctuary instead of a to-do chore. I just cleaned my house and it feels loads better to not trip over crap!