How to stay friends with your EX?

[ak468]

I know this may seem like a lot to take in, but I thank you greatly if you actually read all of this.

Recently broke up with my ex about 2 weeks ago. We actually lasted in a relationship for about a week (Complicated reasons), and we told each other we'll be really good friends. We chose to stay friends, because well we simply have that connection that actual "best friends" have. I'm there for her, and she's there for me, and we both have issues that no one else would understand (Not even our other close friends). I know this is gonna be hard for me, because I still like her, I know it's gonna hurt like hell, because it already does. However, I do not want to throw away what we have, because of my feelings for her. It's not fair for her. I have had girlfriends in the past, where I knew cutting off all communication would be the best, and I have. It was incredibly hard to do, but I knew it was for the best. Then I can simply talk to them again when my feelings have faded. However, I feel like with my current ex, I'm actually FRIENDS. I can honestly treat her like one of my guy friends, and it's easier to talk to her. We share a friendship, that I know will last a very long time. It's going to sound crazy and ridiculous, but... I want to suppress my feelings for her, while still staying good friends. I'm determined to try. I have already read he whole "Staying friends won't work, you'll still like her, etc etc", but hell, let's tackle the "impossible". Deep inside, I want to stay friends, more than getting back with her. Although I would honestly like to get back with her (Not going to lie), her friendship is worth so much to me. And believe it or not, I've told her all of this.

So really, I'm asking for mental techniques or some way I can suppress my feelings for her, while still staying friends. Impossible? I think not. I thank you for taking the time to help me, I really appreciate the time you may have sacrificed to read all this.

Note: I have no reason to "hate" her or anything. I respect and understand the reason why we have broken up.

[Horseyguy]

You dated her for a week?

Anyway, it's all great that you want to stay best of friends and best of luck with that. Saying that, if you have feelings for her romantically it's not going to happen, which is why it's always best to walk away or put some serious time between a relationship and being on-going friends.

Basically you will end up torturing yourself wishing you could get back together because you ultimately still want that (your words not mine) and at some point the "friendship" is going to crumble when she meets someone else and starts sleeping with them and she kicks you to the curb because it's all a bit too awkward and her new BF doesn't really want you hanging around in the background.

Save yourself the pain and get over her, because until you are over her you can't be a close friend because you will always have your own agenda going on in the background, so walk away, heal, deal with it etc and then maybe contact her and try and re-establish a friendship later down the track

Trying to stay friends with her so close to it ending is just trying to perserve some of what you had without having to acknowledge it's not there anymore and deal with that

[98db]

+1 All it takes is time. I just want to fast forward my life to the point where I can talk to her (much less think about her) without feeling like I screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me.

[blv]

Meant to post this a few days ago but internet went down.

Here's my late response:

OK, but I have a few questions for you first: How are you going to feel when she stars seeing other guys? This will determine a lot. If you suppress your feelings for her this will be really hard. I know how you feel about wanting to stay friends, but if you still have these feelings and you see her having fun and giving herself to others, it might push you over. This will be the hardest part. Watch yourself.

Best way to stay friends: Let her go in all ways. Mental, emotional, and physical. Let her be who she is without any interference. Don't judge. Just let her be. Total acceptance.
Start seeing other girls. Flirt and go out without her. If its over its over. Don't wait on her. Move forward.
Think of her as your sister. This is what she is to you now. You love and care for her, but would never want anything physical between you two. Keep this frame when around her.
Work on yourself. Do things you want or need to do. Focus on your life and make it the way you want it to be. Make yourself the main priority in your life.
Don't be someone different when around her. Be yourself totally at all times. Never change or bend to try and make her see you in a different light. Friends accept friends for who they are, not who they think they should be.
If it gets to hard and you feel old emotions coming up, break contact for a while. And if it get to be too much, break it off completely. If you don't and keep on trying to push something that can't be, you're only making it hard and awkward for the both of you.

Real love is letting go.

take care

[demonhawk3]

Meant to post this a few days ago but internet went down.

Here's my late response:

OK, but I have a few questions for you first: How are you going to feel when she stars seeing other guys? This will determine a lot. If you suppress your feelings for her this will be really hard. I know how you feel about wanting to stay friends, but if you still have these feelings and you see her having fun and giving herself to others, it might push you over. This will be the hardest part. Watch yourself.

Real love is letting go.

take care

I am in the OP's situation but we went out for a longer period of time, around a few months, answering the bolded question I would be jealous. Please help me.
I want to tell her how i feel towards her but she said she wants to try and be friends

[VincenzoG91]

I am in the OP's situation but we went out for a longer period of time, around a few months, answering the bolded question I would be jealous. Please help me.
I want to tell her how i feel towards her but she said she wants to try and be friends

If you were being honest with yourself, you would admit that you don't want to be her friend at all. A real friend would be happy to see her happy, especially if she was falling in love with somebody new. You don't want her to have that kind of happiness with anybody else, so you aren't really her friend. You want to continue to be her lover, but she has made it clear that won't be happening. Let her go, and find someone who really wants to be with you.

[robFord]

You're in denial. Your relationship lasted a week? Move on, you'll survive.

[bubabalo]

I don't get this. You wrote YOU broke up with her. Why would you do that if you want to be with her?