Is it ok for him to stay friends with his ex?

[jessbob]

This is a huge issue which has been the source of many arguments with my boyfriend. I love him and I know he loves me, however he still calls his ex occasionally for a chat. He was with her 4 years (first love), they broke up 2 years ago but he insists thats they're still good friends.

When we first started seeing each other, she used to call at 2 in the morning, I pointed out that this was kind of unacceptable and soon afterwards the calls stopped.
However, in a fit of paranoia recently I checked his phone (yes I know its my own fault!) and found that he still called her.

He doesn't see it as a problem but I feel that when you break up with someone, you should move on and sever all emotional attachment, especially if you're with someone new. I feel very jealous that he still feels the need to have her in his life, and I'm wondering what he gets from her that I'm not giving him.

Am I wrong to ask that, out of respect for my feelings, he should leave the past in the past? He thinks that its all my issue and says that I can't control who he's friends with, but I don't think people can go back to just being friends with someone who they've had an emotional involvement with.

Who is right???

[chevy power]

I am looking for a simliar answer, I understand it would be hard to come to a point where you dont talk to your ex if it ends on good terms. But I have not been in a situation where a serious relation ship ended. I am in my first one. I was really hurt when my current girlfriend was up late talking to her ex. I am trying to figure out if I want to talk to her about it and get it off my chest that I dont like her talking to him, but I understand. I also want her to try and understand how I feel and how it might make her feel. My problem sometimes can be how I say things.

I thought it was completely unacceptable to talk at all, but then I stepped back, thought about it all has to do with intent and not being able to let go. I would try to talk, and approach it calmly and if they are willign to talk back of and try again later.

All of this advice could be terrible I would wait until someone else gives some input.

[vashti]

I think it is probably a matter of frequency and content, in addition to the strength of your own relationship. If they chat only occassionally, then what's the problem? Heck, I've had my husband's ex-wife to my house, and I've made him pay for her meals when we've gone out. (Of course, there were kids involved.)

If they are talking daily, they probably aren't over each other yet.

[lastwish]

Staying friends and having occasional contact is ok with the ex. But 2 in the morning?And frequent call? No way. You are right. He shouldn't have this close contact with his ex while he is having a relationship with you. Even if he isn't having sex with her, emotional cheating is still cheating.

[Stirfry]

Until you have proof he's not being faithful, just let it go.
When people break up, it doesn't always mean they stop caring about each other.
What do they talk about on the phone? Does he seem suspicious?

[MadKat]

I also still contacting my ex, and vice versa. The thing why we became friends is, we understand each other so well, and as for a friends relationship, this is a great friendship. We even talk about our current relationship issue...ironic huh.

[bluesummer]

I still talk to my ex that I broke up with six years ago. I also talk to my ex husband once or twice a week. My bf knows this because I told him....and he doesn't care because he knows it doesn't mean anything. We're just friends. He talks to his ex-gf too, and I also don't care because I know he loves me and isn't harboring old feelings for her. Just because those people aren't in your life in a relationship sense anymore, doesn't mean you can't still care about them as a friend.

My general thought on this is....if you have a good relationship, then forbidding your bf to talk to his ex is just insecurity speaking. Unless he's calling her all the time then you really need to let it go.

[FoxyLaydee]

Calling at 02:00am is unnecessary.. other than that, I don't see any issues here.

[Trickee]

i understand your situation completely and i've been in it before. if your boyfriend is talking to his ex on a daily basis or he gets offensive when you confront him or ask him questions about it then he must be guilty of something. otherwise, if he calls to see how she's doing or just to catch up then you shouldn't worry. if he's comfortable with calling her when he's around you then you should try and listen in on what they're talking about just to see if he's saying things that shouldn't be said in a friendship relationship. but overall, trust is the biggest key to a successful relationship so you two must communicate in order to work out these problems and so that you don't have to hold all this pressure in.

good luck and hope things work out.

[IndiReloaded]

The best way to make him think about his relationship w/her is to.... make him think about his relationship with her. And it ALL starts with thinking about it.

Get it?

[CoolCalico2001]

I am very good friends with my first love... we dated for 2 years and broke up nearly 5 years ago. However, after I started seeing someone else after we broke up, I still continued to talk to my first love. We were friends before we dated & we didn't work on that level.

Now, if he is being shady about it, then I'd be uncomfortable in your situation as well. Honestly, my new boyfriend was uneasy about it, however, he suggested we all hang out & get to know each other - which we did, a lot. My first love accepted we were no longer together, wasn't weirded out by my new boyfriend & I's closeness & my first love knew his boundries. I think it set everyone at ease with the situation. My new boyfriend & I have since broken up... my first love & I have never entered into a relationship again because we knew we wouldn't work, we were too different on that level. Until this day remains on of my best friends & he's there for me whenever I need him.