WOW... So Advice huh?

[His Girlfriend]

So although I have so many questions, I will start with just this one. First some history... I find myself in a loving caring relationship... Just not one built on trust or respect....I also find myself in a situation where I feel I have no voice. If we get into any type of disagreement, it always ends with his monologue and me pretty sure that I am the town idiot. I don't know how to get my point listened too. So here I am hoping that this will give me the stage as it were to express and organize my thoughts and feelings, who knows maybe someone has an answer I can't see for the nose on my face. Okay so I said I would start with one question. I am a very sexual woman. I like it. All the time. Recently I have felt as if I am less desirable to my BF. He says its him, that he has gained weight, I am not sending the right signals, That its not true he wants me more now then he ever has. I was trying to understand, trying to be supportive. I was recently playing on my computer and stumbled onto a porn sight that I know he frequents. I am so okay with that. However I am pretty sure he left our bed to go and look at this porn. So I asked him. He said I might have but don't remember, He remembers going on TSN, He remembers going to a few tech sites he frequents, but looking at porn he just can't remember. Okay, I guess, having a forgetful mind it happens. The thing is about a month ago I woke him up as I was well playing with myself and he was so mad, he yelled, kicked his feet, jumped up and down telling me that it made him feel as if I don't want him, that he doesn't please me, that... well I think you get the jist... So here is my question... Am I overreacting? Should I expect a response when I touch him? Should it be okay with me that he leaves our bed to look at porn? And can't remember if he did or not? Okay so there is more then one question... But I am pissed... But am I justified in my pissyness?

[BusyBee]

Now that is quite a bit to take in. So, he leaves bed to go and looks at porn, threats you like an idiot telling you he remiembers everything apart from that. Is not having sex with you but goes off on one when you play with yourself and anyway you're saying there is no trust in the relationship.

Well, first, there is nothing wrong about being a sexual woman, I am one as well and I'm hoping to evetually find the man who fits with it.
Then, pron is ok as long as the man can make the difference between virtual and real. I personally think that if you find your partner attractive and you have a fulfilled sex life in which you can dicuss your fantasies then why need porn.
If a bloke needs it to start off his fantasy he has a problem.
And it's so not your fault

[VincenzoG91]

Love without trust or respect? I don't think love works that way.

[98db]

Porn or masturbating is not the problem. The problem is when a person chooses those activities over actually being with his/her partner.

[devonbrown]

Vincenzo pointed out the most important thing in your post. It isn't about the porn or touching yourself or any of that. It is that your relationship has no trust or respect. That has to be resolved first and foremost. Otherwise, EVERYTHING will be an issue going forward.

Good luck.

[His Girlfriend]

I totally agree, that love without respect or trust is just like beating my head against a tree. And of coarse the story is a bit longer then I first mentioned. Our relationship started off shaky. He was in a 10 year relationship, and I a single Mom.We had known each other in our late teens,but lost touch and reconnected on Facebook. Of coarse initially it was all innocent and friendly, And despite my best of intentions, I fell for him. HARD.( There is so much I love about this man. So I wanna say that because everything sounds very negative.) He says that in this 10 year relationship, were more like room mates, that he never really loved her, that there was no passion, I choose to believe. I try to trust. We met for coffee, He hugged me, that's all it took... He separated from her, moved in with his buddy, but every spare moment we had, we were together, 4 months later we "officially" started living together. So it was fast, for both of us. Truthfully I m trying to figure out where to go from here, it has been n emotional roller coaster for me, and I'm sure for him also. He found some texts from kids dad that...well he didn't find it as funny as it was intended. He felt I betrayed him. to him getting so drunk and out of control that he destroyed our home. What I am saying is we have both earned the distrust, the lack of respect... at the same time I know I love him. I love being with him, doing things with him, wanting him, missing him... Well you get the idea... He has a problem controlling his emotions, I have a problem asserting mine... This issue about the porn is just another coaster ride of many... I don't even care about him looking at the porn... I do it too... but he use to wake me up... and I love it.... So what is it I'm missing?

[Anturo]

Sounds as you are good together.

Just not GREAT!

Another it’s good enough relationship.

You both probably deserve more, and especially you kid. (Getting drunk and destroying the place you live is very unacceptable.)

Can it be fixed and can it be GREAT? Sure but it’s something you both must want and both must work to get.

I suggest getting couples counseling before it becomes unsalvageable.