I don't know what my next step is.. how do l know she isn't playing me?

[Denriku]

I've known this girl for about 4 years now, we met online and became immediate friends, within the first year exchanging emails, phone numbers and chatting at least every day for the past 4 years. I have finally developed the courage to arrange a meeting with this girl since we live close to each other.

Everytime l seem to organise a day something always seems to happen which leads to the day not being able to go ahead, this has happened at least 6 times. I have tried inviting her to a group environment where l have given her the go ahead to bring her friends in case she felt uneasy about meeting someone online, given what's been aired over the news. As well as one-on-one coffee/lunch meet ups, and none of them seemed to have worked.

We are deffinately close, theres no doubt about it, but l want more than just a pen-pal relationship with this girl, and regretably l have told her that l have developed somewhat attractions to her which came up in conversation. She has given me hints that she only views me as a really good friend, but has also stated that if she was "ready" for a relationship she would deffinately consider me.

I can say whole-heartedly that l do love this girl, not love as in be my wife forever type of way, but love as a person and as a friend, and this is the only reason why l want to meet her, not because l want to jump-her-bones, but because l want to take this relationship from online to real-time. I want to be more apart of her life than l already am.

I just dont' know how im going to achieve this.. any advice?

[Bonfire]

Have you ever consider the possibility she isn't who she claims to be? I know a guy who met this girl online. Just like you, they have talked for while online. He has picture of her. She was this pretty blonde around 25. They chat almost daily. And eventually he ask her to meet him at the bar with a group of friends. But she keeps coming up with excuses not to show. And eventually her excuse did not make any sense. The lies kept piling up. And finally, someone find out the real person behind this persona was in fact a lady in her late 40s. So it was a creepy situation. So reading your story reminds me of what happen to that guy. So if she spent 4 years messaging you, I don't see why she doesn't want to meet with you as friends other than she isn't who she claims to be.

[Denriku]

I have considered this, and i've made sure the person l am taking to is true, we've had numerous webcam chats, skype etc, and the girl behind the webcam was the same girl in the photos which she passed my way. I probably should have clarified this in my first post.

[Bonfire]

When you say pen-pal, I immediately assume it's writing form of communication. Ok, now that you clarify. That's odd that you two have chatted, skype for 4 years and she still don't want to meet you. I guess she really doesn't want to lead you on. You guys have a weird friendship here since you two live close by. lol

[Denriku]

Haha yeah.. it is quite weird, in fact we live within a 15 minute walking distance of each other, she even gave me her address but l don't want to come off desperate and come knocking at her door.

[Bonfire]

After 4 years, if you come over and knock on her door that's not desperate at all. lol If I like a girl who I met online, I would want to hang out with her within a couple of months. I am quite shock you guys haven't met in person if you two live that close together. If she is still afraid to meet you because she has doubt you might be a creep or something, wow I am surprise she even bother talking to you for 4 yrs. So it really don't make much sense. Maybe she is afraid of the sun. If you know where she lives, have you ever tried to "accidentally" bump into her?

[Denriku]

I have tried to bump into her a number of times, in fact we both go to different universities but they are also within walking distance of each other. Haha it's all so weird but still l do love her despite it. Im going to push myself a bit more and make it known that l want to meet her or else l don't want to be involved in a relationship where it will be solely online.

[Bonfire]

Have you tried offering her split pea soup?

[Spring Haze]

Im going to push myself a bit more and make it known that l want to meet her or else l don't want to be involved in a relationship where it will be solely online.

Good. An ultimatum is likely the appropriate thing. Not to talk down on you, because you may have it figured out, but just in case - don't be aggressive with it. You could tell her that you need more than a phone interaction, and that you hope one day she will agree to pursue something more. And if she ever wants to meet up, she knows how to contact you. But don't wait around.

[Denriku]

Yeah that was exactly my directed approach, l don't really have an agressive way about me, especially not to her. If it comes to that i'll see her reply and judge according to whatever she gives me, though she is a bit of a hot head at times.

[Horseyguy]

Have you tried offering her split pea soup?

HAHAHAHAHA That made me laugh out loud

thanks for that

[Bonfire]

HAHAHAHAHA That made me laugh out loud

thanks for that

It's a natural aphrodisiac. He would get laid if he took my advice.

[Boisdevie]

So you've been chatting etc for FOUR YEARS and live 15 MINUTES from each other and YOU"VE NEVER MET? Something is definitely wrong here.

[Denriku]

Haha, yes very wrong, and yes l will consider using split pea soup.. given what you've just told me.